"This one's for you!" (pictured: that's me with the cake, my husband, right, gets all the wine around here–even when we lived on a vineyard, where wine all but flowed from the garden hose.)
A (Very Special) DAY IN A FRENCH …by Kristi Espinasse
Yesterday a delicate and meaningful milestone quietly passed. Waking up, I searched for a way to respectfully acknowledge the date, lest it pass as another ordinary day. Quietly walking out to the bedroom terrace, I looked around at the countryside. As far as the eye could see, there was greenery: olive and almond trees, the forest, and the sea.
It was a relief to wake with a clear head and no regrets. Breathing in the morning scent, I closed my eyes. Now was the time. I offered up the simple acknowledgment, and thanks. There was a moment of complete and utter silence, and then seagulls cried in the distance. A train passed, blowing its horn. The neighbor's dogs barked. My robe sagged, and I reached down to tighten the belt. It was both an ordinary and an extraordinary day.
"You can take me to lunch," I hinted to Jean-Marc, both reminding him of the important date—and suggesting how he might help me to mark the occasion.
"How about with a big glass of cognac?" he chuckled.
"That is NOT funny!" No matter how many times I tell him that such jokes, given the circumstance, are in bad taste, he cannot help himself.
"OK, then how about a six-pack?" my husband continued.
"T'es terrible!"
"I'm very proud of you," Jean-Marc assured me, planting a kiss on my lips. His tenderness provoked flashbacks of years ago, when I would discover little notes stuck in a book I was reading or in the pocket of my robe.
"Çela fait dix jours. Continue, Mon Amour… That makes ten days. Keep it up, My Love," the encouragements read, and "Trois semaines! Fier de toi, Ma Chérie! Three weeks now! So proud of you, My Dear!"
The scribbled notes were encouraging but had I foreseen the future, I might not have had the guts to continue on the new path, not knowing that some of the rockiest parts were just around the corner. The hand-written notes would stop. The sores would begin to open.
A decade has passed and I am still on that fragile path; despite all the setbacks, I have never once veered off track. And even if I wouldn't be celebrating the 10-year mark with a glass of champagne, I was looking forward to eating out with my husband.
Only, when my daughter ran up, asking to bring a friend home for lunch, plans changed. Five months at the new school, and she, too, had passed a delicate milestone: the courage to invite a new friend home!
Well, at least I no longer have to fret about what to wear to the restaurant! The positive thoughts continued as I set about tidying the house, and preparing for my daughter's special lunch.
But as I hurried to fix up the house for our important guest, I felt a familiar rush of panic. There won't be time to finish the cleaning AND to get the meal started. Recognizing the anxiety—that old foe that I could not cope with ten years ago—I was able to put a stop to it. No, there wouldn't be time if I insisted on a perfect outcome. But there was plenty of time otherwise!
What was important, after all, wasn't how the house looked or what we ate, it was how our guest would feel. I wanted Jackie's friend to experience that good and cozy and welcoming feeling and to leave with a desire to return!
"Promise to come back and see us?" I said, kissing my daughter's friend goodbye after lunch.
"Oui!" came the shy response.
Noticing the look in the young lady's eyes it seemed a guardian angel was smiling back at me. If I had gone to the restaurant to celebrate and be pampered, I would have missed this heavenly encounter.
At the end of the day Jean Marc presented me with a gift. Gently tapping on the door to the bedroom, where I had been putting away a stack of freshly folded clothes, he curled his finger several times, signaling to me to follow him.
I was a little leery of whatever he was dragging me out to see. After polyester pajamas, discount branch shredders, and T-shirts I could never wear in public, I never knew what kind of gift was up his sleeves.
"Will I like it?" I asked, nervously, letting my husband lead me by the sleeve.
Opening the front door, I saw the little cherry tree posed just beyond the welcome mat, like a gushing guest. I looked closely at the delicate, leafless branches. The tiny buds were burgeoning.
"Congratulations!" Jean-Marc said. "I'm so proud of you!"
The burgeoning continued, inside of me, as teardrops surfaced like the little buds of the cherry tree. Fragile as its branches, my sobriety continues.
Update: February 3rd, 2019, I celebrated 16 years of sobriety.
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Writers and actors are SO courageous! You put yourselves out there fully exposed, and by doing so, inspire and liberate the rest of us.
Congratulations on the 10 years and for having the courage and strength to do what is best for you. You are a brave and beautiful soul!
Writers and actors are SO courageous! You put yourselves out there fully exposed, and by doing so, inspire and liberate the rest of us.
Congratulations on the 10 years and for having the courage and strength to do what is best for you. You are a brave and beautiful soul!
Bonne Anniversaire…I love reading you..you speak to my heart….xx
Bonne Anniversaire…I love reading you..you speak to my heart….xx
Like others, I must have missed hints that you may have dropped through the pages of French Word-A-Day. Thank you again for your transparency, your courage, and your persistence. How ironic to be living with a vintner and in France, no less! Life takes funny turns. Congratulations on ten (one day at a time) years of sobriety!!
Like others, I must have missed hints that you may have dropped through the pages of French Word-A-Day. Thank you again for your transparency, your courage, and your persistence. How ironic to be living with a vintner and in France, no less! Life takes funny turns. Congratulations on ten (one day at a time) years of sobriety!!
What strength. What courage. What an example. I cannot imagine what you are fighting on a daily basis. You humble me. All my best wishes for your continued triumphs. Know that you are hugged and encouraged from the west coast of Canada. xoxo
What strength. What courage. What an example. I cannot imagine what you are fighting on a daily basis. You humble me. All my best wishes for your continued triumphs. Know that you are hugged and encouraged from the west coast of Canada. xoxo
Happy 10 years, Kristin! You now seem even more lovely in mind, body, and spirit to me than before.
Thank you for sharing with us all, and here’s to your continued success and sobriety.
Happy 10 years, Kristin! You now seem even more lovely in mind, body, and spirit to me than before.
Thank you for sharing with us all, and here’s to your continued success and sobriety.
Congratulations on 10 years, the effort continues at our house also, for both of us.
Congratulations on 10 years, the effort continues at our house also, for both of us.
Dear Kristi, it is a testament to you that this news was so shocking to me today. You have not only conquered a demon, you have flourished and allowed your true self to not be drowned out by this unwanted crutch. May everything you have accomplished, surrounded by your adoring family and your legions of friends, many of us who haven’t had the chance to meet you, but still very much feel a deep affection for you and your family, make each day even easier than the one before. Viva our Kristi!
Dear Kristi, it is a testament to you that this news was so shocking to me today. You have not only conquered a demon, you have flourished and allowed your true self to not be drowned out by this unwanted crutch. May everything you have accomplished, surrounded by your adoring family and your legions of friends, many of us who haven’t had the chance to meet you, but still very much feel a deep affection for you and your family, make each day even easier than the one before. Viva our Kristi!
From the seed of your resolve, a beautiful life has blossomed – what a special gift for those closest to you, especially your children. Some people are lucky enough to be just where they should be – it is my privilege to read your words and a joy to know you are among them. Felicitations!
From the seed of your resolve, a beautiful life has blossomed – what a special gift for those closest to you, especially your children. Some people are lucky enough to be just where they should be – it is my privilege to read your words and a joy to know you are among them. Felicitations!
I’ve loved your blog for years and hope I can look forward to your wonderful sharing and vulnerabilities for years to come. Know it takes much effort, but know it’s greatly valued! Was in Sanary this fall and kept hoping our paths would cross. Maybe this year. Keep it up, Kristin.
Romy, West Chester, PA
I’ve loved your blog for years and hope I can look forward to your wonderful sharing and vulnerabilities for years to come. Know it takes much effort, but know it’s greatly valued! Was in Sanary this fall and kept hoping our paths would cross. Maybe this year. Keep it up, Kristin.
Romy, West Chester, PA
Thank you for sharing this part of your life. Please keep going! If nothing else, I have learned that the world will not come crashing down by sharing intimate details with others. I’m still learning how not to keep others at arm’s length…
Thank you for sharing this part of your life. Please keep going! If nothing else, I have learned that the world will not come crashing down by sharing intimate details with others. I’m still learning how not to keep others at arm’s length…
Congratulations and for me your story is such an inspiration.
Susan from Arizona passed this post along to me and I’m so glad she did.
I live in Versailles (also married to a Frenchman with two teenagers) and I got sober 18 short months ago.
All the best,
Victoria
Congratulations and for me your story is such an inspiration.
Susan from Arizona passed this post along to me and I’m so glad she did.
I live in Versailles (also married to a Frenchman with two teenagers) and I got sober 18 short months ago.
All the best,
Victoria
Congratulations on your anniversary, as well as your brave, honest revelation to your readers! Thank you for sharing and may you continue to be successful on your life journey. Looking forward to your memoir. Hugs from California!
Congratulations on your anniversary, as well as your brave, honest revelation to your readers! Thank you for sharing and may you continue to be successful on your life journey. Looking forward to your memoir. Hugs from California!
that photo seems very familiar – could be me ‘the cake and Graham ‘at’ the wine 🙂
that photo seems very familiar – could be me ‘the cake and Graham ‘at’ the wine 🙂
….now, that looks very familiar – that could me ‘at’ the cake and Graham ‘at’ the wine 🙂
….now, that looks very familiar – that could me ‘at’ the cake and Graham ‘at’ the wine 🙂
Merci Kristi pour votre courage. Cela fait la première fois que j’avais répondu à ta commentaire. Même si j’avais vous suivit depuis quelques années. C’est au cause de nos histoires commune de la bataille contra l’alcool que j’ai finalement vous envoyé ma admiration et les vœux de votre future sucées. David à Long Beach, Californie.
Merci Kristi pour votre courage. Cela fait la première fois que j’avais répondu à ta commentaire. Même si j’avais vous suivit depuis quelques années. C’est au cause de nos histoires commune de la bataille contra l’alcool que j’ai finalement vous envoyé ma admiration et les vœux de votre future sucées. David à Long Beach, Californie.
What an inspiration you are to so many, Kristin! Your warm, open, honest writings that you share are so touching and it takes so much courage to be so vlunerable. Having been at your home in St. Cecile, and in your wine cellar, and sitting next to you at dinner with Beth and Lisa, I feel very connected to your stories and your life and I love hearing about your new home. BTW, Do you see any connection with opening up and removing a cover with removal of BC? I wonder about these things. For myself, had I let something (someone)get under my skin for too long–I was glad to get it out. Was it Divine providence–I don’t know. And, yes, we can do hard things and that only makes us stronger in every way–physically, spiritually, and emotionally. God bless you.
What an inspiration you are to so many, Kristin! Your warm, open, honest writings that you share are so touching and it takes so much courage to be so vlunerable. Having been at your home in St. Cecile, and in your wine cellar, and sitting next to you at dinner with Beth and Lisa, I feel very connected to your stories and your life and I love hearing about your new home. BTW, Do you see any connection with opening up and removing a cover with removal of BC? I wonder about these things. For myself, had I let something (someone)get under my skin for too long–I was glad to get it out. Was it Divine providence–I don’t know. And, yes, we can do hard things and that only makes us stronger in every way–physically, spiritually, and emotionally. God bless you.
Happy 10 years Kristin! Touching story.
Brian
http://www.frenchattitude101.net – one hundred and one attributes of Frenchsip.
Happy 10 years Kristin! Touching story.
Brian
http://www.frenchattitude101.net – one hundred and one attributes of Frenchsip.
Congratulations on this milestone. You are a strong and talented woman. xo
Congratulations on this milestone. You are a strong and talented woman. xo
Keep up the good work. I know it is a challenge everyday for so many. My dad has been sober 20 years. It is a daily commitment to make it happen. Good luck with the writing. It is such a wonder how great therapy writing can be.
Keep up the good work. I know it is a challenge everyday for so many. My dad has been sober 20 years. It is a daily commitment to make it happen. Good luck with the writing. It is such a wonder how great therapy writing can be.
Chere Kristi,
Congratulations on your 10 years and thank you for sharing.
You continue to be an inspiration.
Tish from Powhatan VA
Chere Kristi,
Congratulations on your 10 years and thank you for sharing.
You continue to be an inspiration.
Tish from Powhatan VA
Bonne anniversaire, cher Kristen! You are awesome and incredible. May the higher power continue to inspire you as you do us.
With deep respect and admiration,
Tom
Jersey City NJ
Bonne anniversaire, cher Kristen! You are awesome and incredible. May the higher power continue to inspire you as you do us.
With deep respect and admiration,
Tom
Jersey City NJ
Yay, Kristin! I’ve finally figured it out….all thanks to you. I’ve been reading past blogs & can’t tell you how much I enjoy all! There are so many emotions that flood through me as I read them & getting to know your family is a delight. Congratulations on your 10th year! Whenever I read your stories & look at your photos, my heart is right back in France! Merci.
Yay, Kristin! I’ve finally figured it out….all thanks to you. I’ve been reading past blogs & can’t tell you how much I enjoy all! There are so many emotions that flood through me as I read them & getting to know your family is a delight. Congratulations on your 10th year! Whenever I read your stories & look at your photos, my heart is right back in France! Merci.
As always Kristin your lovely messages give me the inspirationn for all that I need
start off another day with happy thoughts to enable me to cope with my own health battles and it is being kind to ourself on a daily basis that enriches our lives and all those we love. thank you Kristen june Gold Coast
As always Kristin your lovely messages give me the inspirationn for all that I need
start off another day with happy thoughts to enable me to cope with my own health battles and it is being kind to ourself on a daily basis that enriches our lives and all those we love. thank you Kristen june Gold Coast
Lying here, its late at night on feb 11, on the other side of the world (Aust.)- and I am having a “post” catch up on F-W-A-D!! And I’ve just arrived at this one…All I can is WOW!
You are as everyone above me has stated, a very strong woman, wtih enormous talent to entertain us all with your words and wisdom, to take us lovingly into your family and your beautiful French Life. We thank you and congratulate you on your ten years. May your cherry tree grow to be beautiful and may each time you gaze at it, may you be reminded of your incredible personal triumphs. xx
Lying here, its late at night on feb 11, on the other side of the world (Aust.)- and I am having a “post” catch up on F-W-A-D!! And I’ve just arrived at this one…All I can is WOW!
You are as everyone above me has stated, a very strong woman, wtih enormous talent to entertain us all with your words and wisdom, to take us lovingly into your family and your beautiful French Life. We thank you and congratulate you on your ten years. May your cherry tree grow to be beautiful and may each time you gaze at it, may you be reminded of your incredible personal triumphs. xx
Felicitations! Et bien fait. Dans notre petite societe, il est toujours question de temoignage. And thank you for this wonderful blog. The book, I know, will be splendid.
Felicitations! Et bien fait. Dans notre petite societe, il est toujours question de temoignage. And thank you for this wonderful blog. The book, I know, will be splendid.