Are there seasons in Heaven? A field of French flowers for a favorite Uncle.
tristesse (tree-stess) noun, feminine
: sadness
A Day in a French Life…
by Kristin Espinasse
We need to keep this simple today. Simple as sadness.
For while love is sometimes a mystery…
can sadness be put in the same category?
No, sadness is simple… as love should be.
Sadness is frank. Sadness un-peels itself and off goes the coat, then the sweater, then the shirt… eventually bearing our hearts, our very hurts.
While our hearts hold on to Haiti, some people question the Pourquoi of it all: "Why would God do this?"
Adding to the tristesse is our own personal misery. My dear sweet Uncle Rusty (Jules's 66-year-old brother) passed away on Friday. Three months ago he was fine. Three weeks ago he learned he had cancer.
Along with others out there, I try to compose my thoughts about tragedy, calamity, and being taken "unawares" from this earthly "comedy". It has all happened so fast.
While others question the Pourquoi—and so slip into doubt and hopelessness, I am busy making a pact with my dear Uncle up above:
For as long as he looks down on me…
I promise to "smile up" and make him proud of what he sees.
Updating this post 12 years later, I would like to dedicate it to my dear Aunt Betty, Rusty's wife and the love of his life. Also to their son, my cousin Josh. Uncle Rusty would be so proud of you today.
***
Update (from my mom, Jules):
Thank You all of my FRIENDS AT FWAD, Yes, I am still crying – your messages are helping my broken heart. Rusty was the shinning star of my life as a child, even until my 20's. I followed him around just like a little puppy, he was everything to me. Rusty was a mechanical man, when I received my first baby-doll stroller he dismanteled it in one day. He built me tree-huts and then moved on to building doon-buggies and jet-boats before they were even invented. When I was 10 and Rusty 13 a friend from California brought him the plans to build a skiff-type boat, that had a stand up bar which he held onto and a 35 hp. motor on the back. We spent all of our afternoons after school (me sitting in front of his stand-up bar with the controls mounted flying up and down the Colorado river chasing mud-hens. We looked like we were on a flying carpet-coffee table. In the evenings we would dance the jitterbug together. So many wonderful memories… XOXO JULES
A Day in a Dog's Life…
by Smokey Dokey
Of all the members of our family… I am the one who most resembles our dashing Uncle Rusty. For one, we have the same color hair! Secondly, we have the same sweet hearts. Also, just as you, Dear Uncle, were a handy man, I fancy myself "handy mutt". More about those talents that I have inherited—from I know now who… in future episodes.
Love (and don't forget to forgive others, as we dogs do),
Smokey
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I just bought your book and have been savouring it. Everything outside my window right now is grey and will be for a while to come. Your words and photos like the one in this post will get me through the long, dark Canadian l’hiver. Merci.
Dear Kristin and family, especially your mom,
I am so sorry about your uncle. Thank you for sharing your loss with us.
Joan
Oh Jules and Kristin, and of course your family:
I am so sorry to read of your brother’s/Uncle’s passing. Keep your memories near as you grieve. There are so many of us holding you close, if only via the computer.
Seeing your picture of the field of flowers reminded me of my own loss. My sweet sister died five years ago (how is that possible???), and a few weeks after, I was driving with my grandson when we passed a field full of daffodils. He turned to me and asked: Is that Heaven? And I responded, No, but that’s probably what it looks like. He said: Good, then Jackie is happy. (Jackie was my sister.)
Praying for peace and comfort in your heart.
Barb
Nolensville, TN
Such terrible news! 🙁 Am so saddened for your sudden loss of your uncle and brother, you loved so well. From experience, I know it’s always difficult to mourn the loss when a life is taken so suddenly because you are dealing with the shock of the situation, and of course the “Why’s?” Hopefully you will both be able to take some time to savour the precious memories you shared with Rusty and bask in the happiness of those plentiful times.
My thoughts are with you on this sad occasion. Take heart in the comfort of friends, family, and community.
Wylie
NYC
What a lovely and sweet post.
I have met Rusty 2 times and will treasure some great memories.
I have never met people from Haïti but I feel very compassion for them.
Today, as horrible bombings happened in Kaboul, I am praying for all those who suffer in this (still) beautiful planet.
Love to you and your family and also to the families in Haiti who are suffering today. May God Bless. Joyce from Hampton, VA
Dear Kristin,
You have written such a lovely piece about loss and simplicity. It is impossible for us to know why there is such tragedy in the world, but all we can do is help where we can. Also I think that is the nicest way of dealing with the loss of someone close to you; to do the best you can for them and for others. I am sure your Uncle in some other realm, is very proud of you and doing what he can to continue being an inspiration to you. Love from Karen.
My Prayers today are with your Uncle Rusty, you and your family. Thank you for sharing this tender moment with us. Thank you for putting it all in such gentle clear perspective. The beauty of your words are already changing the way I am living this day. Blessings to you.
Je suis tellement désolée d’entendre de la mort de votre oncle. Tous mes condoléances à vous et votre famille.
My sympathies~
Your words are so true and as always so beautifully laid out for us. We always bury the reality that death is a part of our God-given life. I’m sickened by the toll it’s taken on Haiti and I’m very, very sorry for the lose you and your mother and family are now experiencing and will continue to experience for a long time. Why does the last taste of our life here on earth have to be so painful? Pouquoi, pourquoi? We must have faith in the plan.
I wish you all the best in keeping your promise to always “smile up”. I’m sure that when he “smiles down” he will be hoping to see you living the good part of your God-given life dancing among that lovely lavender.
Warm hugs to all.
Karen
My heart goes out to you dear Kristin. I am sorry for your loss. Please accept my heartfelt sumpathies!
Dear Kristin, I share my tristesse with you. My favorite uncle also passed away four days ago. Three months ago we discovered he had cancer. My favorite uncle who supported me while I was an exchange student in France – a year that makes reading your French Word-A-Day so dear! My prayer also goes to your family.
ps: today’s picture is the loveliest. lavender is the thing i miss the most from my daily life in France. Love Amreta
Dear Kristin,
I am so very sorry to learn of your uncle’s passing. May your sweet memories of him soften the sadness in your heart.
Cathy
Dear Kristin, JULES, and family, I’m so sorry for your loss. How trite those words seem and yet I dont’ know how else to express my sadness for you and what you are feeling. I was going to “wax poetic”, but somehow it’s not in me this morning. I hope you can take comfort in the warm and caring words of your friends. Thank you for the beautiful photos of the lavendar and your precious Smokey. Life is all around us and we need to enjoy every moment. Prayers for your family and for all of those suffering loss throughout the world.
Dear Kristin,
May you be surrounded by a circle of love and support in these days following your uncle’s death. We send our thoughts and prayers of comfort to you and your family.
Lauren and Tim
Lovely note today on tristesse. You ask, “Why would God do this?” God didn’t do it, necessarily. We live in a broken world. Where you can see what God does, and why, is in your last words: “or we can get busy straightening out our arms, holding out our hands, helping others along, in love and simplicity.” Now THAT is God at work through us, showing his love.
Cher Kristen et Jules and families,
Sending heartfelt sympathies for your loss.
Warmly,
Jan in Wisconsin
So sorry for you, Kristin …
Sorry for your loss, Kristin
Chere Kristin et famille,
Please accept my deepest sympathy on the loss of your uncle…it is difficult to accept our fragile status on earth…treasure your memories and hug your children….Your quote was so lovely.
Carol
Dear Jules, Kristin and Family,
I’m so sorry for your loss and you are in my prayers.
Dear Kristin — The minute I saw “tristesse” I knew something must have happened. I am so sorry for you and for Jules to lose your uncle, her brother, so quickly and so young. Your essay today is pure poetry and full of love.
I have no doubt that he was a most wonderful man. Please know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Ophelia
Deepest Sympathies to you and your family Kristin. I hope that you will take comfort in your memories of him.
– Josie from a gray and cold Boston. (Sad weather that fits your post, I would say.)
I am so sad for you and your mother,Kristen, I have lost my brother and know the sadness. I have a Haitian friend of many years in London – her sister and her sister’s son live in Port au Prince and she has not heard a word. Four days waiting by the phone and watching every t.v. news.
Tristesse bien sur.
June
Deepest sympathy to you and your family. I work in Oncology. Know during this sad time that there are thousands of us out there fighting this terrible disease. We are making progress, just not fast enough sometimes…
Holly from MI, currently working at a hospital in Boston, MA
We’re so sorry for your loss, Kristin. We , too, lost an uncle – my sweet and funny godfather, John. The good memories never really fade when I share the stories of him with my children. I know that cuddles and the sunshine of Provence will help. Many blessings on you and your family.
I wish I could send words that would ease your sadness, but they are part of our lives here on this earth and must be endured for a time. This, too, shall pass. I do rejoice for you in the knowledge that your dear Rusty is looking into the face of Jesus, and as believers, you know there will be a joyous reunion to come. I pray you will feel the presence of the Comforter in your lives in the days and weeks to come.
Kristin and family,
May God’s certain promises of hope be your strength today and all your tomorrows. “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness. Most gladly will I then boast about my weaknesses…for when I am weak, then I am strong.”
Jules, Kristin and family,
My prayers are with you today, as always, in hopes that the memories of your brother Rusty and your Uncle Rusty will sustain you through the coming months of “tristesse”.
Maybe a donation in Rusty’s name to the ICRC or those here in the states, American Red Cross, will help you while helping others.
Dear Kristin,
Please know that you and your entire family are in my heart and prayers, as you grieve for you Uncle Rusty.
Well said. Praying for Haiti…
Cheres Kristin and Jules,
I’m so sorry about the loss of your uncle and brother.
Kristin and Jules,
I was so sorry to hear of your loss. Kristin, your essay was so beautiful. I will try to remember it when I am in a situation like that. Thank you for such a wonderful explanation.
Carol Ann
Kristin and family,
Much love and hugs being sent your way. Cherish the great memories. You have given him a very sweet heartfelt, goodbye in your post.
Jonni, our in your old stomping grounds, Az.
Dear Kristin, Jules, and family,
I am so sorry to hear about your uncle and brother passing away. It is a blessing he was spared a long illness and suffering. Today it is raining in San Diego and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as we stay in today to commemorate the birthday of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
Amitiés,
Julie
You have a lovely way of keeping your Uncle in your heart. My best to Jules to lose the presence of a sibling is very hard.
Its warming up before a new blast of winter cold in Denver.
Carole
Dear Kristin,
You and your family are in my thoughts today with deepest sympathy. Hold those dear to you close and remember the good things about your dear uncle.
Jean
Dear Jules, Kristin and family,
I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers and thoughts and many, many hugs are sent your way.
Kristin,
Thank you so much for your words and beautiful pictures. My thoughts are with you and your family. May we all appreciate each moment of every day and all that we have, especially our loved ones, (including pets!) I truly enjoy your posts and often share them and the photos with my students.
Marianne – Ohio
Such awful times for the people of Haiti and other parts of the world. There are many sad stories but also some wonderful miracles of people still being rescued. I was lucky to have a favorite uncle. Before he got ill I wrote a “everything I need to know I learned from Uncle….” list for him. So glad I did, he realized how much he was loved and appreciated. My sympathies to you, Jules and the rest of your family on the loss of Uncle Rusty.
Mid 40s and very windy in Seattle
Dear Krsitin, Jules and family,
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your uncle/brother. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I often think of the words of The Little Prince at times like this.
“In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night… you, only you, will have stars that can laugh!”
Dear Kristin,
Everthing seems to happen fast after you’re fifty! (Or is that forty?) Please accept my condolences — sixty-six is NOT SO OLD anymore. One Psalm always comforts me, “He maketh me lie down in green pastures.” As for Haiti, I just don’t know — those poor folks have suffered centuries of abuse and lately hurricanes, tropical storms and now the earthquake. Perhaps it is God’s plan to shine such a light on the Haitian’s plight that people all over the world will not rest until there is a quality of life for each and every person — especially each CHILD. Children suffering is painful, for them and for us, the bystanders. “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.”
Dear Kristin and Jules,
I am so very sorry to hear of Uncle Rusty passing. It is difficult when death comes so swiftly, because we came barely begin to take in the finality. But for Jules, we are grateful that there was not prolonged suffering so we are conflicted. It is so difficult for you, I know. My mother’s passing was quite similar. I can only promise to keep you and your family in my prayers and ask the great God in Heaven to wrap his loving arms around you and gently rock you as you weep,
For your father, Kristin–San Antonio, USA, 51 and cloudy but should rise to mid 60s and sunny.
Your pledge to “smile up” is perfectly expressed. Merci Kristin. As always, your essays and photos are so moving.
Very touching & beautiful & definitely something I needed to read today, my prayers are w/you & your family
So sorry Kristin and Jules. May peace and calm be in your hearts today.
Much love from Salt Lake City where it is snowy and 34 degrees
very sorry for your loss… we look forward to the time when our loving God will “Isa 25:8 – He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from off all faces; and the rebuke of his people shall he take away from off all the earth: for the LORD hath spoken [it].” and when we will see our loved ones again… (Job 14:14-15) If an able-bodied man dies can he live again? All the days of my compulsory service I shall wait, Until my relief comes. 15 You will call, and I myself shall answer you. For the work of your hands you will have a yearning.
Rev 21:4 states “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” Hopefully these verses will bring you comfort…
Thank You all of my FRIENDS AT FWAD,
Yes, I am still crying – your messages are helping my broken heart.
Rusty was the shinning star of my life as a child, even until my 20’s. I followed him around just like a little puppy, he was everything to me.
Rusty was a mechanical man, when I received my first baby-doll stroller he dismanteled it in one day. He built me tree-huts and then moved on to building doon-buggies and jet-boats before they were even invented.
When I was 10 and Rusty 13 a friend from California brought him the plans to build a skiff-type boat, that had a stand up bar which he held onto and a 35 hp. motor on the back. We spent all of our afternoons after school (me sitting in front of his stand-up bar with the controls mounted flying up and down the Colorado river chasing mud-hens. We looked like we were on a flying carpet-coffee table.
In the evenings we would dance the jitterbug together.
So many wonderful memories…
XOXO
JULES