Are there seasons in Heaven? A field of French flowers for a favorite Uncle.
tristesse (tree-stess) noun, feminine
: sadness
A Day in a French Life…
by Kristin Espinasse
We need to keep this simple today. Simple as sadness.
For while love is sometimes a mystery…
can sadness be put in the same category?
No, sadness is simple… as love should be.
Sadness is frank. Sadness un-peels itself and off goes the coat, then the sweater, then the shirt… eventually bearing our hearts, our very hurts.
While our hearts hold on to Haiti, some people question the Pourquoi of it all: "Why would God do this?"
Adding to the tristesse is our own personal misery. My dear sweet Uncle Rusty (Jules's 66-year-old brother) passed away on Friday. Three months ago he was fine. Three weeks ago he learned he had cancer.
Along with others out there, I try to compose my thoughts about tragedy, calamity, and being taken "unawares" from this earthly "comedy". It has all happened so fast.
While others question the Pourquoi—and so slip into doubt and hopelessness, I am busy making a pact with my dear Uncle up above:
For as long as he looks down on me…
I promise to "smile up" and make him proud of what he sees.
Updating this post 12 years later, I would like to dedicate it to my dear Aunt Betty, Rusty's wife and the love of his life. Also to their son, my cousin Josh. Uncle Rusty would be so proud of you today.
***
Update (from my mom, Jules):
Thank You all of my FRIENDS AT FWAD, Yes, I am still crying – your messages are helping my broken heart. Rusty was the shinning star of my life as a child, even until my 20's. I followed him around just like a little puppy, he was everything to me. Rusty was a mechanical man, when I received my first baby-doll stroller he dismanteled it in one day. He built me tree-huts and then moved on to building doon-buggies and jet-boats before they were even invented. When I was 10 and Rusty 13 a friend from California brought him the plans to build a skiff-type boat, that had a stand up bar which he held onto and a 35 hp. motor on the back. We spent all of our afternoons after school (me sitting in front of his stand-up bar with the controls mounted flying up and down the Colorado river chasing mud-hens. We looked like we were on a flying carpet-coffee table. In the evenings we would dance the jitterbug together. So many wonderful memories… XOXO JULES
A Day in a Dog's Life…
by Smokey Dokey
Of all the members of our family… I am the one who most resembles our dashing Uncle Rusty. For one, we have the same color hair! Secondly, we have the same sweet hearts. Also, just as you, Dear Uncle, were a handy man, I fancy myself "handy mutt". More about those talents that I have inherited—from I know now who… in future episodes.
Love (and don't forget to forgive others, as we dogs do),
Smokey
Discover more from French Word-A-Day
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
Dear Kristin and Jules,
I lost my father and uncle (my mother’s brother) in a similar way – both to cancer. I think the thing I took away from both of these losses is how they put things in perspective for me. It was clear that family is a priority above all else.
The pain never goes away but with time, and often much time, the pain fades and you can laugh again and smile. The memories of loss are replaced with the joyful memories of the wonderful things in life we shared.
I wish you both strength and hope you can soon laugh and smile when you think of Rusty.
Margaret in Durham where the Robins thought it was spring the other day when we had a teaser of what an early spring day might feel like.
Dear Kristin, Jules, and the rest of the family,
May I send some virtual flowers? Mine are lavender for their beautiful color that springs right up out of the dusty earth and for their healing and soothing fragrance.
My heart goes out to all of you, and I pray that you will be able to celebrate the blessing that Rusty was to all of you and to allow the best parts of him to live on through all of you.
My heart goes out to Haiti as well. I pray that out of this horror will there will rise up fresh leadership for the country: a group of people who truly have the well-being of the people and the land at heart.
I enjoy your French Word’s of the Day! I get them at work and impress everyone with my French, hee hee 😉 God bless you!
Rusty left a legacy of love…. it shows in his impact on you. Be glad that you experienced his love. Some people leave this world without impacting others.
As for Haiti, “some people question the Pourquoi of it all. Why would God do this?”.
God does not “do this”. He merely is there to walk with people through their grief and console them….
Sincere condolences. Now, as I read this, tears come to my eyes. But I do know that those gone on do still view us from time to time, at least.
Warmest wishes to your family right now and always. What a beautiful sentiment for your uncle…take care.
Valentina
Texas
Dear Jules, Kristin and all your family.
I am so very sorry for your loss. May your memories of this good man help to bring you some peace. With love,
Peggy
Oui, la tristesse, comme le bonheur, est une partie de la vie. Not too long ago a tragic event like the earthquake in Haiti would be described as an Act of God. Today we more appropriately, I think, call it a natural disaster, and can see the face of God in the responses to the disaster.
All that you said was so beautifully expressed.
So eloquently put Kristin..how to go on when we must deal with loss.
you stated the essence of a life well lived……love and simplicity….God dwells in both…..
Jules and Kristi,
My thoughts are with you and I am glad you have such wonderful memories. From experience I can tell you that you will cherish them over and over again.
Chere Kristen, Jules and family, My deepest condolences to you on the loss of Rusty. Your post today was lovely and a beautiful testatment to the beauty of his life and his impact on you all. You are in my prayers. Love and hugs, Pat
Your most profound entry to date. Chapeau to you for finding the meaning and the joy in tristesse…
Hello Jules & Kristin, and all the members of Rusty’s family,
You are going through the painful process of tristesse but, even if you know Time will dry up your tears, do take all the time you need to grieve.
Re-live the past experiences and cherish dearly your happy memories. They will keep Rusty’s soul alive and will keep on inspiring you through your own life.
As for the why of cancer, better concentrate on how to cure the ones who’re struggling with it and help the research to go on and progress.
To all the traumatised survivors in Haiti:
I have no personal memory to share with all your beloved ones who died in Haiti, or in the Tsunamis, earthquakes and floods of the past, all over the world, taking millions of lives so quickly, so tragically, so unfairly. I cannot quite imagine what it’s like, in spite of the horrors I see on TV.
My prayers may not be more than powerless good wishes to help you re-start your life from scratch … scratch being “nothing left” except dust, injuries, deep sorrow, poverty, anger… You badly need and deserve a high dose of help and hope on a daily basis for the years to come.
Being miles and miles away, I only have money and compassion to offer, but if that could be blown up to a global scale, and well orchestrated at a higher level, and combined with your desperate good will, it’s all of us together who could, should and would contribute towards a better future for all of you, the Survivors.
Posted by: Newforest |
With all the tristesse lately I am so very sorry to hear of yours. I wish you and your family all the love to get through this. The lavender has always been a treasured flower of mine. I have even once had it shipped in from Washington state to way down here in central Florida. It has so many uses…and it helps heal. I am sure you can see your uncle in every field and flower now. He is even closer, all around you in a much greater way. I hope seeing your uncle in the flowers soothes you heart with the memories. Blessings.
dear Kristen,
May you and your mother Jules know the peace that passeth understanding as the days go by and you remember your beloved Rusty in his good days. God says that unless a kernel falls into the ground, there won’t be any resulting ear of corn. Each person’s life has meaning and so does their death, for they are going to a better life beyond. How your uncle must be rejoicing when you look to heaven and smile. Your faith is your strength. Many Haitians are also blessed with that strong faith, for which we are so thankful. How special you are to remember their sadness during your time of grief.
God keep you close.
Diane
Jules,
As one little sister to another…I grieve with you in the loss of your brother. My brother, Till, was also my teacher & mentor…teaching me to read when I was 4, how to swing a baseball bat to connect squarely with the ball, working patiently with me with my schoolwork until “I” got it, admonishing me to quit whining & always speak the truth, but do so mindful of other’s feelings.
He treated me to endless rides down the snowy logging roads in the woods behind the Air Force base in Germany, with me gleefully clinging to his back on our Flexible Flyer sleds, and patiently waited for me to catch up on my little bike as we rode around the streets and to the playground. He was wise beyond his 19 years when he died in a car accident (a sleeping passenger in a car driven by an irresponsible young man he was trying to help), and at 14 I was shocked and devastated. Even after nearly 48 years I still miss him so much.
I’ve often thought about how my life would have been different had he lived into adulthood, but as I’ve reflected on it…Till’s love & lessons colored the whole fabric of my life and are so much a part of the adult I became. And I am so grateful that, if it was his fate to only live 19 years…that he lived those years as my brother. What a wonderful gift I was blessed with.
Jules, from your description, I think that wild adventuresome spirit of yours was happily nurtured and encouraged by your creative and loving brother. How lucky you have been to have had him there for so many years, to share your joys, and watch you pass along those gifts to your children & grandchildren.
Though the tears flow freely now, and the sad feelings wash over you, unbidden and sometimes at the most unexpected times…Rusty’s gifts live on in you and all who loved him. And when you see them appear in your children & grandchildren it will bring a sweet smile to your heart and lift the sadness of his passing.
From one little sister to another,
D’Neal in Keizer, Oregon
Dear Kristin and Jules,
My deepest condolences for the loss of your uncle/brother. How awful and how sudden. Having lost a number of family members starting when I was 17 I have made an observation. Short illnesses are hardest on the family as there is little time to adjust to the cold truth of the coming event and they are less difficult for the patient for the obvious reasons; long illnesses are hardest on the patient and easier for the family as they have time to prepare. Neither is good but suffering is never something we want our loved ones to go through. It sounds as if the memories of Rusty will comfort you all for all the years to come. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Sincerely, Claudia
Thank you for these tender and caring messages. One of the blessings that has come of this “tristesse” is the new relationships that I am making. Uncle Rusty’s belle-famille, that is, my lovely Aunt Betty’s sisters (Missy and Janet)–have become virtual friends. Due to the distance, I had never met these fun-loveling women who practice laughter as a daily sport. Here is a lovely tribute that Janet wrote for my Uncle Rusty, her beau-frère:
http://grannysrambles.blogspot.com/2010/01/lest-we-forget.html
Wow, the other commentators have said it all. I send you and your family my love and hold you in my thoughts as you contend with this sudden change in circumstances. I’ve asked my mom to look up the new resident of heaven, your uncle Rusty. Rest assured she will make him feel very welcome and she’ll show him the ropes. That’s the type of woman she was/is.
Thank you Catie and Ami(e)s. Loved this message about your Mom showing my Uncle the ropes. I know these two will hit it off 🙂