Soul mates
l'âme soeur (lam sur) noun, feminine
: soul mate
Audio file and example sentence: Listen to my daughter (then me, with a bit of difficulty…) pronounce these French words:
Pourquoi cette difficulté de trouver la véritable "âme sœur"? Peut être parce qu’il n’y en a qu’une sur Terre. Why is it so difficult to find one's true "soulmate"? Perhaps because there is only one of them on earth.
A Day in a French Life…
by Kristin Espinasse
My brother-in-law Jacques is in love. Love, love, love.
With Mariem.
They met two months ago in Avignon. Amour, amour, amour.
***
I met Mariem last week and she is everything I could wish for my beautiful beau-frère.* Mariem is lovely from the inside out. She glows.
And so does Jacques: il rayonne.* It must be love. Heaven knows.
***
We all deserve love, every one of us, but Jacques and Mariem especially so. Ils le méritent.* If I could I would compose a list of one hundred reasons why Jacques and Mariem especially deserve each other's love, but the list might turn into an epic novel. Besides, if I know you, you don't need convincing: you simply trust in the healing power of love….
Love covers a multitude of sins.
***
I do have a picture of our lovely Mariem… but because I have not asked permission to post it, and because Mariem is one to shun the spotlight, we'll have to settle on this one instead (thanks go to one of our puppies, "Sugar," who graciously offered to be a stand-in for the lovely Mariem):
To Jacques and Mariem: I think and I feel, I hope and I appeal that this love will endure à jamais*: forever.
Especially, I pray that it will. I know others do, too (Maman Jules, for example. Happy September 23rd birthday, Mom! I love you! And I will call you soon…).
One question I love to ask couples is: What is your secret to staying together?
Would you please, dear reader, share yours? Would you tell us your secrets to a love that lasts? I will share them with my brother-in-law and his lovely bride-to-be. Tee-hee!
…and I promise to read your comments, each and every one, to my own husband, just as soon as he wakes up tomorrow morning… to 15 years of marriage with me. God bless him!
So please share with us now your own relationship wisdom. What works for you? Whether you have been together 5 months or 50 years, please tell us your tips for a long-lasting love or simply give us one word that represents relationship endurance.
Click here to see reader-submitted tips or to share your own. Mille mercis!
.
~~~~~~~~~~French Vocabulary~~~~~~~~~~
le beau-frère (m) = brother-in-law; il rayonne = he is radiant, he shines; ils le méritent = they deserve it; à jamais = forever
In Gifts & more…
Staub Oval Cocotte: The French oven is a timeless standby for stews, roasts, soups, casseroles and other one-pot classics.
Eiffel Tower Paris Tea Light Candle Holder
The Ultimate French Review and Practice (Book+ CD-ROM)
Bonsoir Lune / Goodnight Moon (French Edition)
Navigation Paquet, Art Poster
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P.S.: I will be joining two authors at the American Library in Paris, to talk about "fish-out-of-water experiences" living in la belle France. If, by chance, you are in Paris on Oct. 7th, we would love to see you at this meet-up.
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Communication! I think that is the most important thing.
I just realized that beau-frere has a Red Sox hat on! He really must have good taste. Go Sox!
Remember that you are both human and, therefore, prone to mistakes and misunderstandings. LET THEM GO! Don’t hold grudges. If you get angry, look at your watch and make yourself wait 30 minutes before saying anything about it. For me, always, after 30 minutes the situation is resolved or forgotten. And have one subject you can discuss with no opportunity for bad feelings. We can always talk about our dog, Theo. (Your Charles’ best friend.) Then you have time to cool down. In 18 years of marriage we have had only ONE major argument. Honest!
happy anniversary!
and cute pictures- frenchman and golden retrievor puppies!
But I think you just jinxed the new couple…
Everyone has such lovely thoughts and I agree with them all. I would say that terms of endearment have been part of our glue for the past 17 years. We’ve called each other Pookie, Poopsie, Love, Baby, Baby Cakes, and numerous others. My husband travels often and our phone calls always begin with “Hello Lover” or “Hello Baby Cakes”. Two nights ago he called me Baby Cakes of Love at the dinner table and our teenage sons just shook their heads.
Sometimes these terms are endearments and sometimes they are uttered in exasperation – as in “Baby Cakes, you’re killing me here…” when he has been waiting for me in the car while I brush my hair one last time.
It may seem kind of cheesy, but during the most difficult time in our marriage, I knew we would make it through because even during our most heated arguments we called each other “Honey”.
Happy Anniversary Kristen and Jean-Marc, Happy Birthday Jackie and Jules, and Happy Love and Happy Life to Jaques and Miriam.
My husband, Bob, and I have been married for 26 years. I can tell you our secret without hesitation. We both have faith in the Lord Jesus. His will is more important to each of us than anything else. So whenever we have been challenged in our relationship, we fix our eyes on “the Rock” who is higher than we are. He has, and continues to be, our salvation – in so many ways.
My perfect guy stumbled after 50 years of marriage. It was a wonderful adventure with 4 great kids, dogs, yes-puppies, cats, trips and all the ups and downs that go with it. Everyone who reads your wonderful blog before me has added parts of the ingredients that make it all work. A good sense of humor was always our agreement as the most important thing. Life is drole! I can’t find the accents. But thank you for your thrice daily visit to my inbox!!..
Kristin,
Joyeaux anniversaire to you and Jean-Marc!
Bon chance to Jacques and Miriem – I hope we get to see her photo soon.
And Happy Birthday Jules.
I’m married for 18 years. The secret? Patience and trust, and the realization that no man is perfect! LOL!
Make a commitment to never stop growing and learning and then share your growth. As the two of you grow together, there is more shared understanding and fewer foibles we have to be patient with. I’m 58 years old, have been with my fiance for 5 years, on and off. I even took off for Oklahoma for a couple of years so we could both “grow” some and it is better now than it ever was.
It was 60 years this past January. Many have said it, love, patience, CARE, responsibility by both partners, children, realizing money is not worth trouble, independence-each is an individual, CARE for your partner through all.
Thanks Kristin for years of YOU!
Dear Kristin,
How can I add anything to these beautiful comments about the secrets to a lasting, loving relationship? It’s all been said so well by all the others.
After 16 years of marriage, I still remind myself each day to be considerate, be a good friend and companion, be understanding, be open, and to listen. – The latter is the hardest because I am often distracted by my thoughts.
Happy anniversary to you and Jean-Marc!
After 34 years of marriage we still occasionally go to sleep mad at each other but EVERY MORNING is always a clean slate, a new day and a beginning in love.
Best wishes to Jacques and Mariem!I love his baseball cap(since I’m from Boston!)Haven’t seen Jules on Facebook-hope she is okay….Carol
My husband and I are young professionals and have been married 2 years. We have known each other for 5 years and have a lot in common. With new experiences of getting new jobs and moving to Minnesota (I’m a Portland, OR girl) has at times been challenging, but keeping a humorous spirit and stepping back and resorting to common courtesy has really made our relationship stronger. Courtesy oils the wheels and love makes everything better! We also have a strict once a week date night and last night we went out to watch Julie&Julia. I’m excited about French cooking and just make Quiche aux epinards! French food and love and getting out a bottle or wine, even if we really shouldn’t afford it, makes the week and love so much better!
Every day I look forward to French Word a Day!! On marriage, the best advise my mother gave me was; “Admire the qualities and tolerate the shortcomings” a translation from Spanish,”Admira las cualidades y tolera los defectos”, Love and mutual respect and good sense of humor is also the foundation for a lasting marriage. Bruce and I have been married for 40 years.
I am from South America and he is from the U.S. we both learned from each others culture. Cheers!!! and never stop this wonderful site. Marti Hinman
Kristi, May you and JM be blessed with many more happy years together. Looks like you’ve got the “recipe” right. Don’t mess with the ingredients!
May Jacques and Mariem enjoy a wonderful life together and benefit from the love and experiences of those around them. We should all be as lucky!
My one piece of advise would be: “don’t sweat the small stuff” (now translate THAT into French!) Always put “that complaint” into perspective and realize that there are more important things in life than wasting precious moments on minor issues. Yes, I know it takes practice and it sometimes isn’t easy but like a fine (Rouge-Bleu) wine, a little maturity goes a long way.
“Support” and “encouragement”. Over the past 18 years my husband has pushed me to be the best person I can be – taking chances when I would rather play it safe. He believes in me when I don’t, and I do the same for him. You can only grow as a couple when each of you grows to your full potential! WONDERFUL poem by Khalil Gibran!
We are heading for 15 years, too. Love what Nan said, but will add our two rules:
1) Never go to bed mad.
2) Be willing to call off a fight and ‘Start Over’ without being right or triumphant.
We are so blessed with a close relationship. Many years of happiness to you both!
We too were married 15 years ago tomorrow … a beautiful warm autumn day. A second marriage for both of us, our five children were included in our ceremony.
Behind all our interactions is a shared belief in the “nourishment loop”: your wants, needs and desires are as important as mine, my wants, needs and desires are as important as yours. Believing this, we help each other get what we want, need and desire. And so we are happy!
Happy Birthday, Jules. Enjoyed reading all the thoughts on love and successful marriage. Both must be willing to work hard, to take the steps to grow and understand themselves first and then put one’s all into making it work. One person cannot do it alone I hope that Jacques and Mariem will find happiness together.
I am a little confused, though, as I thought your anniversary was back in July? There was a photo of you and J-M having dinner at a very special place, peut etre a birthday celebration. Anyway, happy 15 years to you and your beloved. And many, many more!
Love the puppies! Thanks for the pictures–so cute seeing Jacques holding and coo-cooing the fluffy sweet thing.
Wishing you both a Joyous celebration in honor of the Love and Beauty your beloved brings to your life and therefore, to this world (and to your wine and your words). Enjoy!
Benjamin Franklin said it best “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half-shut afterwards”! It works.
When I was about 22 I went laughingly with a friend to see a “fortune teller”. My fortune was that I was soon to meet my “ame soeur” at which I thought was standard soothsaying practice. I was at the time starting to be friends with an amusing young fellow at uni who used to ask ALL the girls out and as a bit of a lark I finally said “yes” just to humor him along. After a evening out dining on dessert (we were only poor uni students ;-)) and talk I knew I had found my “ame soeur” and love. We have been married now for 20 odd years (the time is unimportant now) and I think for us some of the words are be “cosy” in your sameness, to “relish” your differences and to “cherish” the special gift of each other.
Je partage une histoire de mon enfance. Sir Francis avait vécu avec Edith plus de 40 ans,,,je les visitais un dimanche. C”était normal que lón ne parle pas au petit déjeuner… on lisait les journaux et prenait du thé ou du café. Mais Francis et Edith venait de se marier, et Francis faisait de bruits et évidemment se sentait irriter. “Qu’est ce que tu as?” lui a demandé edith. “C,est drôle chérie, apres 40 ans ensemble, mais je me sens pris au piège (I feel trapped).
He explained to me “You see, I feel grumpy achy and irritable. Now that Edith has vowed to stay with me till death do us part, I could take it out on her and she would have to stay,, before we respected each other’s feelings more because the other could always leave. The secret to living together is to do so day by day in the present, and not let past events condemn the future! I feel trapped because I can now be more tempted to take the negative out on her’.
when I was young I would reve about finding the one ame soeur mais c’est difficle a trouver la veritable ame soeur et peut etre l’avenir………..
The most sincere relationship from my life experience began with childhood, when we knew that our parents were always there …my ame soeur was my childhood friend why? she always made me realise that a conversation between us was not necessary as the unspoken was already understood… as an adult, I hoped to find the same ame soeur who shared mes reves ……most of all trust, profound friendship will eventually lead us to peut etre l’ame soeur.
The most sincere relationship from my life experience began with childhood, when we knew that our parents were always there …my ame soeur was my childhood friend why? she always made me realise that a conversation between us was not necessary as the unspoken was already understood… as an adult, I hoped to find the same ame soeur who shared mes reves ……most of all trust, profound friendship will eventually lead us to peut etre l’ame soeur.
29 years married in March 2010 and 30 together all up. We are 48 and 52 so not too old hey. Never let the word divorce be uttered in your home. Choose to love each other every day even when the feelings don’t always line up choose to love. Be kind, and as gentle as you can with each others hearts always. Remember that love covers all. Cover each other always, protect each other from anything that may wound and change. Enjoy each others compnay and enjoy your own company. Remember we are complete in ourselves we shouldn’t be hoping for that other one to make us happy if we are happy with and in ourselves together we will be happy.
Acceptance – Accept that the person you love has properties that will not change and know that you can not fix all their flaws.
Joyeux anniversaire de mariage a toi et Jean-Marc, et joyeux anniversaire a Jules !!!
Thanks again for these wise and helpful words. I wish I had had them, in book form, even before we married. Mom says they should be printed out and read time and again. I agree! Please keep these “happily ever after” tips coming!
Pat: you remembered right: Jean-Marc and I celebrated our July 4th (Town Hall) marriage this summer. We mark both occasions : town hall and Sept 24th church wedding (though Jean-Marc considers the church wedding “LE Mariage” as most of our friends and family were present).
Joyeaux anniversaire Kristin and Jean-Marc!
Walter and I have been married 28+ years and have never spent a night apart; it was a vow we made to each other just before we married. It has been a challenge at times but we always made it our priority.
Wishing you many wonderful love filled years ensemble!
Dev
These are all fantastic. Merci bien a chaque et tous. I have one to add that I had to learn early in life. Treat each moment together as if it is your last moment together. Because it might be. When anger and discord rear their ugly heads, put it in that perspective and see if it is really how you want to remember (or be remembered).
Kristin: Lara and I have the two anniversaries, too. One in December and one in July.
For a man to be successful, the first thing is to learn the “five magic words”…….
“Yes dear, you were right”.
After saying those words, all is forgiven and you don’t need to escalate any disagreements.
In order to succeed through the years, you must be friends and take an interest in each other..
Joyeaux anniversaire Kristin and Jean-Marc!
Your word of the day is so fitting… l’ame soeur. I met my best friend and have been so happily married to her almost two years (Sept 30th). It was love at first sight for me, something I had really though was a lot of bunk. This is my second and her third go-around and we practice a strict policy of NO DRAMA. We talk about everything and one of the best parts of our union is our love of working jointly on projects together. The ablility to collaborate without ego is a great joy. Our motto is Ancora Imparo…”I am still learning.” And so we are!
Best wishes to Jacques from “Red Sox Nation”.
I am picking grapes from my arbor this weekend and wondered if you have any French recipes for Grape Jam? 🙂
About to celebrate our 27th Annv., so many of the previous posts can be said again, however I believe it’s crucial to always think ‘full-circle’ with respect to what you may say to your sweetheart. With communication some times getting lost with the best of us, always think of the ramnifications of what you are about to say. Are you criticizing in your own little way, offerring a better suggestion to whatever task is about?? Feelings can get hurt due to mis-communicating, and respect for the others feelings is always paramount. God Bless
Ben and I have been together for over 30 years—and a second marriage for both of us. Quite simply, we are each other’s best friend. We come home from work interested in how the other’s day went. We both read a lot, and are curious to hear what the other thinks. We’ve weathered crises in child-rearing, and were grateful for the insights of each other. I guess what I’m trying to say is that the best partner is someone whose insights one values, whose point of view is always of interest, and whose sense of humor is perennial.
I think any relationship that can stand the test of time will always have one think: A ritual that only you and your partner do together or share…apart of yourselves that only you two know about. For my boyfriend and I, it’s always showering together. It started out as something we did during that “honeymoon” stage of our relationship, but after a while it grew into quality time one on one time for us. It was the one part of the day that we were forced to be in tune with each other, and it actually helped us communicate better with each other. I really would have never thought that some of my best conversation would be in the shower! So other than long showers and higher water bills, it has improved of our life and relationship. Now we almost feel hurt if the other takes a shower without us…like “hey, why didn’t you wait for me?” I think it reminds us to think and act like a team, like an “us”…considering your loved one before you do something will stop many problems before they begin. It keeps you grounded; it keeps you from being selfish.
Joyeaux anniversaire!
As a quick side note I had a friend recommend this blog, which is why this is my first comment…I promise I am not spam☺!! She told me about you after I mentioned that my love for Paris has prompted me to start a blog of my own. I included the link if you ever wanted to check it out!
Hi Kristin — What an amazing list of thoughts and advice. I cannot add a note that would not be redundant. We’ve been married almost 35 years and feel enormously lucky to be happy and enjoying life and each other — for however long it lasts!
My warmest congratulations to you and Jean-Marc. You are a beautiful couple, a beautiful family. And what great news about Jacques and Miriem. How happy to think of their finding each other and for you to have a great new sister-in-law, too.
Bonne journee et bon anniversaire!
Secret of one 60 year love and 55 year marriage – tolerance. One need not criticize every little misstep or gaffe. Never revisit and argue over joint big decisions – where to live, where to work, etc and don’t nag or whine over them. On the other hand, frequent praise of little triumphs smooths the way. Otherwise, love is not explainable, it just is, and thank your God for it if you have it! Warren Plauche
Where do I begin? I love the photos of the puppies. I enjoy following their growth. And I love to hear of new blossoming loves -my French husband and I also met in Avignon (or at least on the train to Avignon) so it’s a good start. My husband and I are just celebrating our 4 years of meeting, and our 5 months of marriage so I’m not sure I’m the one to give good advice about longevity yet. Ysterday we went out and filmed a Savoie harvest for my blog and got lucky and were invited to taste the juice pressed that morning by the vineyard owner’s son. It was a lovely afternoon but I have a better understanding of how difficult the work is now after watching. You have my respect! Cynthia in the French Alps
It’s been demonstrated above that one word alone cannot describe or define “relationship endurance” but allow me to offer up a recipe that combines some of what my husband and I consider the best ingredients:
One small packet of Passion and Lust
1 Tablespoon Common Interests
1 Tablespoon Common Ethics
1 Tablespoon Common Values
4 cups of Friendship
2 cups of Respect
6 Fluid Ounces of Consideration
A dollop of Honesty
A sprinkling of Laughter
Start with a small packet of Passion and Lust, the starry-eyed kind. Sprinkle it over a bowl filled with a tablespoon each of common interests, ethics and values and watch the foundations of Love grow. Set aside.
Vigorously mix the next three ingredients (Friendship, Respect and Consideration) with lots of Communication, both the listening and talking kinds. Add a dollop of Honesty being sure not to over do it or the mixture could turn acerbic and tough. Add the Love foundation and mix until thoroughly incorporated. Cover with a blanket of Fairness and set aside to rise. Once double in size punch the mixture, releasing the air to allow it to rise. Note it may fall on its own as well, not to worry it will rise time and again given the combination and strength of the ingredients. Be encouraging, supportive and tolerant throughout the process to develop the best results.
Place in an oval baking dish (avoiding sharp edges). Sprinkle liberally with Laughter, daily. Place in a warm oven and bake to near perfection. It will turn a lovely golden color. Remove it when it satisfies the two of you.
Mark each step in the process with Please and Thank You and you’re nearly guaranteed “relationship endurance”, this has been one key to the success of our 20 year journey together.
Happy Anniversary to you both and Happy Birthday to Jules. The secret to marriage lasting is, of course, love combined with trust and communication. I’ve always believed it’s 90/10 on both sides.
Absolutely luv yr blog and these were such wonderful comments, much to take in and learn from!
My 11 year rship has been through tough times this year but we have come through, we sought counselling with an Imago therapist (look it up, easier than explaining!) and truly our rship is better than when we first met.
We have more love through openness to each other, honesty, warmth, safety, support, humour & a willingness to learn & make mistakes.
Luckily having heaps in common is a great glue that bonds us together, our values being similar or the same means we’re pretty much on the first page.
But like many people commenting above, we feel like soul mates, as if we are hand in glove, but soul mate or not, it does take dedication to work on us and the rship!
Bonne chance to all!
Dear Kristin,
Not long ago my husband and I shared our 40th anniversary with our children. It’s hard to believe that we’ve been married for forty years and have known each other for forty-two years.
My husband and I are committed to our faith in Jesus Christ and to His teachings. Even when we have disagreements, we know that we have to work them out. Forgiveness is so important. Also, try not to go to bed angry with each other and hopefully settle problems quickly. Forgiveness is essential.
A little spice in one’s marriage never hurts either. We have had a “date night” every week of our forty years. We have also enjoyed travelling, sometimes with our children, and sometimes, when we needed a bit of honeymoon time, we have travelled without them. We love our children second only to the health of our own marriage relationship, which needs to be given first priority. If our marriage is working well, then our children and their children will have solid roots to support them.
Respect and honoring each other is another essential quality for a successful marriage. No one is perfect, so if at all possible, do not be critical of your mate, but try to encourage one another as often as possible. Laugh and cherish each day that you have with your spouse. Never take a day with your loved ones for granted.
Lastly, open your bibles and read them as often as possible (select one that has many life application commentaries) and discuss what you have read with your marriage partner. Biblical messages, when put into practice, work like glue to keep two souls on the right path.
Diane, from Oak Ridge, New Jersey
Humor, humor, humor.
You can’t fight while you’re laughing.
I don’t know about marriage but I met my soul-mate and we were together for 5 years, but I had to let him go because his family opposed our marriage because of cultural differences (he was muslim) and I had a 13-year old daughter from a previous marriage. If you love someone I believe you have to set them free and not make them choose between their family and yourself – Dolly Parton’s song “I will always love you” expresses this perfectly for me. I tried marrying someone else and it didn’t work as he was not my true love. Some people don’t even get 5 years with someone they love competely.
The puppies are so ‘mignones’! Such boundless energy I am sure is exhausting for Blaise and yourself Kirstin and you will miss them when they are gone! I have never been mobbed by puppies but I have been mobbed by a flock of voracious ducks who clambered all over my legs and lap to get at a morsel of sandwich which I was eating at a picnic! I laughed so much with both surprise and delight that I gladly relinquished the bread to gabbling beaks and they went on their way to steam-roller another ‘insouciant’ picnicker. LOL!
Third time’s a charm.
We met skydiving, over 25 years ago. Lot’s of passion, oh yeah. Now we’re like two cats…
He put my kids through college. And brings me coffee in bed in the morning. I gave him one of my kidneys, when he needed it.
We give each other space, but remain connected.
Know what I mean?