Soul mates
l'âme soeur (lam sur) noun, feminine
: soul mate
Audio file and example sentence: Listen to my daughter (then me, with a bit of difficulty…) pronounce these French words:
Pourquoi cette difficulté de trouver la véritable "âme sœur"? Peut être parce qu’il n’y en a qu’une sur Terre. Why is it so difficult to find one's true "soulmate"? Perhaps because there is only one of them on earth.
A Day in a French Life…
by Kristin Espinasse
My brother-in-law Jacques is in love. Love, love, love.
With Mariem.
They met two months ago in Avignon. Amour, amour, amour.
***
I met Mariem last week and she is everything I could wish for my beautiful beau-frère.* Mariem is lovely from the inside out. She glows.
And so does Jacques: il rayonne.* It must be love. Heaven knows.
***
We all deserve love, every one of us, but Jacques and Mariem especially so. Ils le méritent.* If I could I would compose a list of one hundred reasons why Jacques and Mariem especially deserve each other's love, but the list might turn into an epic novel. Besides, if I know you, you don't need convincing: you simply trust in the healing power of love….
Love covers a multitude of sins.
***
I do have a picture of our lovely Mariem… but because I have not asked permission to post it, and because Mariem is one to shun the spotlight, we'll have to settle on this one instead (thanks go to one of our puppies, "Sugar," who graciously offered to be a stand-in for the lovely Mariem):
To Jacques and Mariem: I think and I feel, I hope and I appeal that this love will endure à jamais*: forever.
Especially, I pray that it will. I know others do, too (Maman Jules, for example. Happy September 23rd birthday, Mom! I love you! And I will call you soon…).
One question I love to ask couples is: What is your secret to staying together?
Would you please, dear reader, share yours? Would you tell us your secrets to a love that lasts? I will share them with my brother-in-law and his lovely bride-to-be. Tee-hee!
…and I promise to read your comments, each and every one, to my own husband, just as soon as he wakes up tomorrow morning… to 15 years of marriage with me. God bless him!
So please share with us now your own relationship wisdom. What works for you? Whether you have been together 5 months or 50 years, please tell us your tips for a long-lasting love or simply give us one word that represents relationship endurance.
Click here to see reader-submitted tips or to share your own. Mille mercis!
.
~~~~~~~~~~French Vocabulary~~~~~~~~~~
le beau-frère (m) = brother-in-law; il rayonne = he is radiant, he shines; ils le méritent = they deserve it; à jamais = forever
In Gifts & more…
Staub Oval Cocotte: The French oven is a timeless standby for stews, roasts, soups, casseroles and other one-pot classics.
Eiffel Tower Paris Tea Light Candle Holder
The Ultimate French Review and Practice (Book+ CD-ROM)
Bonsoir Lune / Goodnight Moon (French Edition)
Navigation Paquet, Art Poster
—
P.S.: I will be joining two authors at the American Library in Paris, to talk about "fish-out-of-water experiences" living in la belle France. If, by chance, you are in Paris on Oct. 7th, we would love to see you at this meet-up.
Discover more from French Word-A-Day
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
Joyeaux Anniversaire to you and Jean-Marc and many more! But I’ll see you in the morning and tell you again when we come to harvest the grapes.
TRUST is the most important part of a relationship, you have to trust in the other person and not be jealous and mistrustful of their friendships with others
I knew it was love with my husband when it was just EASY! That’s not to say that marriage is a breeze, but there is a soul-deep calmness that centers us and makes the tough times manageable. That, and he rubs my feet every night! 😉
Joyeux anniversaire!
Who knows how a marriage endures? One way, certainly, is to remember to be thankful, either to God or one’s partner, that (miraculously) you found each other. That sense of fate, destiny or divine intervention should translate into gratitude: in turn being thankful brings forth a sense of understanding, respect and delight toward one’s spouse. I’ve found it’s worked for nearly 30 years. Giving thanks for a spouse and a happy marriage, a bountiful grape harvest or a litter of new puppies only brings more reasons to offer further thanks.
Happy Birthday to Jules, and Jacqui (for the other day). May you both have a wonderful year full of fun, health and happiness.
Dear Kristin, Joyeux anniversaire to you and Jean-Marc! Have a wonderful day and I hope you find some time to enjoy the day amongst the Harvest Happenings.
I am a lucky girl to have a happy marriage, it will be 29 years in December. What makes it happy? All sorts of things, but the fact that we are very very good friends to one another underpins all the rest that goes along with us.
Amicalement
Chris xxxxx
Is Jacques wearing a Boston Red Sox insignia on his hat? Awesome!
My husband and I have been married for almost 18 years. It’s not always an easy road, but one I would not trade for anything else.
Joyeaux anniversaire to you and Jean-Marc!
Bon chance to Jacques and Miriem.
The word I would choose is a French one, ensemble, but not in the usual definition of just together. Think of a musical ensemble playing beautiful music together, perfectly in tune because of conscious efforts on the part of the musicians. They constantly listen to each other to achieve this and have a common goal. Life with my husband of twenty-six years has been a voyage ensemble, through the years of raising children, pursuing careers, and now enjoying partial retirement. It isn’t easy and requires constant retuning, and sometimes the music you must play together isn’t what you would choose, but you find a way.
My husband (of 11 years) likes to say that all relationships (but especially marriage) are about *knowing and being known.* You must be a student of your spouse, seeking to increase your knowledge of them–what pleases them, excites them, saddens or aggravates them, what makes them who they are. And you must allow yourself to be known: be willing to share your thoughts, dreams, hurts, hopes–reveal yourself. We have embraced this dynamic as we have pondered the fact that the Bible uses the word “to know” to speak of a husband-wife relationship, even as a way of representing sexual love (see Genesis 4:1). Thanks, Kristin, for sharing your excitement for your loved ones and encouragement to them. And many congratulations on your anniversary; I hope you can steal a few minutes together!
A sense of humor goes a long, long way in a marriage.
My husband and I make time to listen to each other and spend time together, even though we are quite different.We encourage each other often. We are open to growing and learning new things. Also, he is CRAZY and very funny sometimes which is helpful when I take myself or life too seriously. He makes a lot of jokes. We are pretty tolerant of each other’s hobbies and need for time to do them. Also Chris grills and cooks a lot and we cooperate on a lot of things including parenting our son who’s now 13. Sometimes we just turn on the music and dance ! It’s hard to describe, but we are pretty compatible and have been married 23 22 ? -I forget-years !
I think the key to a good marriage is talking. About everything. If there seems to be a particularly hard subject to bring up, you probably really need to talk about it. Everything else — trust, intimacy, accord — comes from simply talking. Though, sometimes a nice bottle of wine can be a good conversation lubricant. 🙂
a good sense of humor! (married 33 yrs, dated 5 before that)
I have been reading your postings and even though I do not speak French, I love to read about your French living experiences, so thank you for sharing (love the puppy photos). I have been to France on three occasions and feel some kind of a connection there and now I feel a connection to you and your husband because we share an anniversary date – September 24th my Fred and I will be married 27 years. Tips for a long-lasting love? Work at it. I can tell you that marriage is not for the weak – it takes a lot of work to keep it strong and healthy – like anything worth having, you must take care of it. Fred and I have been through a lot together – both joyful and heartbreaking events and throughout each one we have been there for one another as husband and wife. Happy Anniversary to you and your husband – keep up the good work!
Sometimes Nancy or I annoy the other somewhat deeply but I have grown to stop to think of my own shortcommings and Nancy’s awesome character and abilities. Then there comes the realization that it was and is the whole package that I fell in love with.
Some words come to mind — acceptance strong enough that forgiveness is not needed, replacing efforts to change the other with working on self maturation, real frienship and finding time to enjoy each other, honesty, and giving your mate wings to be and grow .
Gotta go! Love to all from Fred
Don’t leave.
(… deeply married for 29 years.)
We just marked our 27th anniversary on August, 28th and it really doesn’t seem like we have been married that long. I think a sense of humor is important and also keeping the relationship fun, playful and spontaneous.
Kristy, there is a great moment in the documentary ‘Mondovino’… maybe you have seen it…
An old vigneron couple are talking about how they are still together for so many years (must be over 30-40 years). They made the joke that if it had been easy, they probably wouldn’t be together anymore. Challenging each other has kept them in love all these years!
I love my husband, but I think maybe he loves me even more.. even after 32 years, he still tells me I’m beautiful and smart and makes me feel like I can do almost anything. I know he can. I think that when you are working together for a common goal, your soulmate becomes your teammate, and a bond of both love and purpose grow strong. Joyeaux Anniversaire, Kristin and Jean-Marc!
The secret to a good marriage must be different for each couple. We were each married prior with no kids; now together over 30 years through incredible health problems, family deaths, and hilarious trips through Europe. For us; humor, earned trust, learning to choose battles and when to hold your tongue are up there in the front. Listening even when it is boring (he is a systems engineer) (she was a computer networking tech, now a chefs assistant) Good wine will help! Learn NOT to take yourself too seriously and see their side before making any judgment. Do a small special thing for each other every day. (don’t expect anything in return) OH- and always confer when spending more than $50.00
Boy what a good-looking family. Both sides – and dogs too!
A few single words to include in your recipe for enduring love:
Spontaneity.
Flattery.
Consistently tend to your love like a garden needs tending. Weeding out the bad before it takes over and feeding it for life and growth.
Many blessings to you all.
Karen
Ah, to be in love. Sometimes the most important element in a relationship is to know fully who you are. It’s only in this way can we walk the path with another.
Diana Taylor
Pug At The Beach
Delray Beach, Florida, USA
Happy Anniversary, Kristin!! It is so refreshing to see/read about your successful, long-lasting, happy marriage!
You might not realize it, but I (and I’m sure others) look to people like you, who have years under their belt, for healthy examples of what makes a good relationship!
I feel like such a newbie to the married world compared to the posts above, having recently celebrated 2 years with my beloved in July. Perhaps though, my observations in these short years are just as welcome due to the unexpected trials my husband and I have faced so early in our relationship that most don’t experience until the autumn of their lives – the death of my dear brother (from a hit-and-run). He was 26.
I have found that communication, supporting and encouraging each other in all aspects of life, patience, humor, and sound resolve to overcome all obstacles together – are the secrets (so far!) to my successful marriage.
God knows we have so many adventures yet to begin, especially children, but knowing that we are both committed to enjoying and appreciating each other’s love and friendship, à jamais, makes the future exciting!
Again, Happy 15th Anniversary to you both! Aside from enjoying life together, you and Jean-Marc are setting Max and Jackie up for incredible success in their future love lives every day they see you happy and working on your marriage together!
Always give each other the benefit of the doubt…it has worked for us for 29 years…
Laughter!!! My husband and I, 18 years into this, are truly best friends and to this day he can completely crack me up.
Oh, and I see Jacques is still sporting his Boston Redsox hat. Who knew?!?!
Thank you so much. I am enjoying each and every bit of wisdom.
Shannon: I am so sorry to hear about your dear brother. Thank you for your thoughtful note.
RE Jacques’ Boston Red sox cap… I am not sure that he knows what the “B” on the cap means (it could just as well stand for “(B)oules” (petanque) in his mind…). I’ll have to ask him. PS: it was a gift from friends Tim and Phyllis of French Country Wines.
The secret to staying together: A good sense of humor, cooking dinner together, wine every night and knowing when to shut up and say “you know honey, you are right”.
P.S. Please give me your mailing address to I can send your brother in law a Yankees hat!!
Ha ha, I think Jeff has it right! I just got married this April, but have been reading Kristin’s blog for many years … always full of good bits of wisdom. I do believe that at the heart of a marriage there must be gratefulness that this person chose you. I think that goes a long way to not taking them for granted (which is easy to slide in to with the day in day out living).
BALANCE
To listen and be heard
To remind and be reminded
To accept and be accepted
To laugh and be laughed with
To cry and be hugged
To give space and to get it
To meet needs and have needs met
To do with and do without
To forgive and be forgiven
To love and be loved…
I think every post so far has contained part of the truth. We come up with “rules” all the time but only two that we consistently remember and that are truly rules (the rest – with apologies to Barbarossa – are “more like guidelines”): Keep short accounts; and no dead bodies in the Winnebago. The last one should be taken at exactly face value – there are no hidden meanings here. It came into being during our honeymoon from a murder mystery my husband was reading at the time in which, yes, there were dead bodies in the Winnebago! The short accounts rule is critical!
Everyone had such fabulous comments and I doubt I can add much, but after 42 years of marriage I can add that it’s not such hard work if you truly love your partner. There is still a spark in our marriage because we each work at keeping our love current and alive. Afterall, this is the guy who took a job in Paris for two years, pretty much just for me!
Jeanne in Ohio but wishing she were still in Paris!
Congrats to one & all love-birds….
My husband & I have been together 30 plus years. It’s important (and easy) to learn to see the innocent child in you partner’s eyes. Love the changes, the ups & downs of this roller-coaster ride. Hold on tight, and laugh alot….you’re together in that seat..and that itself is the gift.
Renee Convers
We were both married before but this time we have lasted 28 years. I would say that through all our ups and downs. Law School and bringing up a step daughter were real tests. So I would say perseverance is a major factor. That and a sense of the ridiculous.
One word? R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
More words – I married my best friend. Respect, affection, attraction, and the ability to laugh together will get you through so much (15 years and counting for us as well – bonne anniversaire de mariage!).
FORGIVENESS ; PATIENCE ; ACCEPTANCE
Happy Birthday Jules and Happy Anniversary JeanMarc and Kristin! Hope you can post a photo of Jacques’ beloved soon.
A faith that comes even before your relationship is crucial, and humbling. If you both put it first, then your relationship falls second. Which in my book is perfect.
All of these comments capture the numerous facets of a happy marriage.
Make it a priority; make time for love. Let your spouse know that nothing matters more.
Hi Kristin, I have been enjoying your website and learning my French word a day for almost a year now. My husband and I took French lessons at the local university for three years. Then, we went to France last May and had a wonderful time. (Though he is better at it than I am, perhaps because he studies and does his homework?)
Anyway, happy anniversary to you and Jean Marc and best wishes to Jacques and Miriem.
As for secrets to a long marriage: Gary and I have been married for 31 years next month. I would say first of all, you have to be willing to work at a marriage. Don’t give up too easily. Next, choose your battles wisely. Some things are just not worth fighting over. Third, when she says “fine!”, he had better be prepared to bring flowers. Fourth, watch out for traps, like if she says “Do I look fat in this dress?” DO NOT say “I don’t think it’s the dress.” LOL. Humour is also important. Over the years, it gets easier. You grow a history together that you share with no one else. Your friendship grows and deepens. But you have to constantly make time for each other – no matter how busy you are. Date night (DN) is still a feature in our lives after all these years.
Blessings.
Congratulations Krisin, Jean-Marc and Jacques! How wonderful!
Secret to a happy marriage? Find something to laugh about daily,
always, always see the good and ignore the “bad” in the other person and never allow the passion (even passionately just “hangin’
out together) to go out of your marriage. Love, Anne and Mike
So many comments on this one!
I think some of the factors for our very happy almost 5-year marriage include noticing and thanking each other for what we do- chores, cooking, considering the others wants, and saying I love you every day… Also, telling him he is the best guy in the world, because he really is, for me!
Love is a combination of many giving things, but commitment and considerations of the other person are my most important in my marriage of 33 years.
An aside: Kristen have you and your mother checked out SKYPE? It is the next best thing to being there.
Chere Kristin,
I love Sugar! What an appropriate name for this sweet little pup! Love, O love. I believe frankly that love is a topic for sciences, as in physics and math and chemistry but since you asked I will share this passage which I try to remember for my own life. I personally do not believe in soulmates, I think one can love dearly and sincerely more than one although it does seem surprising that some couple look more like siblings than distant couples. Here’s the passage:
The love which exists between hearts … is prompted by the ideal of the unity of spirits… Each sees in the other the Beauty of God reflected in the soul, and finding this point of similarity, they are attracted to one another in love. This love will make all men the waves of one sea, this love will make them all the stars of one heaven and the fruits of one tree. This love will bring the realization of true accord, the foundation of real unity. (Paris Talks)
The other poem which I believe to be containing secrets for enduring love (in my life) is the marriage poem of Khalil Gibran.
Marriage
Then Almitra spoke again and said, ‘And what of Marriage, master?’
And he answered saying:
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.
Khalil Gibran
One can write scrolls and scrolls about love and the power of love. May the spark of love grow stronger and stronger between Jacques and Miriem.
Love to you et famille!
xo
After 34 years of marriage I can honestly say humor is such a big factor. We really do make each other laugh every day. And as my dear husband told me the other day, “It’s easy—we look at life in the same direction.”
Also, neither one of us wanted custody of the kids!
My sweetheart Brian and I are a commuter couple. During the week we are apart and I think this keeps our relationship fresh, new and exciting. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Stacy
My wife and I experienced “love at a sight” when we first met 24 years ago: we got engaged to each other the day we met, and got married the same day one year later!
Since then, confidence and tenderness are (some of) the key words of our life.
Also, as Stacy and Brian, we are apart 5 days a week since 9 years. And I agree, this reinforce our love every day…
First, Happy Birthday to Mama Jules! What a pleasure to know of you through this blog! Happy Anniversary to our hosts! May your happiness and contentment flow richly like your fine wines!
On to the important question.
You must marry another who has the same core ethics and values.
Do not marry one who has chemical addictions, because their mind will be permanently rewired, to faulty risk perception, to low esteem, to impaired pleasure feeling and stress tolerance. These people will always be emotionally need and are not to be counted on when times are very difficult, for they will always look to themselves first, you second.
Marry a person who thinks Big Picture, and has long term goals that they work hard at to achieve. Short-term thinkers rarely have the capacity for longterm endeavors that are part and parcel of marriage success. Short-term thinkers are outcome, not process-oriented, and thus will have low tolerance for the everyday strife and difficulties of shared space and resources.
Choose a person who sees their life as half full without you and full cup, with you. Choose a person who lives mindfully, aware of the little pleasures of each day and who will gladly share these pearls with you. Choose a person who cares for and takes care of themselves physically, mentally and spiritually. These people will be healthy and happy in old age because they care enough to work at being their best, every day.
There is very good chance that many of us will never really have the opportunity to retire; if you are in good shape when you are older, you will not need that retirement so much, but you will still need a loving, cooperative and emotionally mature partner to savor life to its fullest.
Shun the person who is averse to spiritual investment, for it is the key to stress tolerance, contentment with what you have, where you are, and who you are with. It is our best offense when one hits life’s many major speedbumps.
Every morning, believe that it is a good day to die, if that is what happens. Every night, revere the day that was, for it was a good day to be alive, too.
Moderation, discretion, hard work, trust, modesty, mindful living, shed regrets, giving from the heart, spiritual investment, regular play, recognizing and rejoicing in pearl pleasures in each day, little rewards and less expectations – all these things, make for healthy living, long life and enduring steadfast relationships, the all-important social network, bulwark against the unexpected.
Your spouse should be your best friend, and you, theirs.
A lot of comments and a lot of wisdom coming from experience… won´t add more because I feel like Fred Caswell just stole the words from my mouth… “acceptance strong enough that forgiveness is not needed, replacing efforts to change the other with working on self maturation, real frienship and finding time to enjoy each other, honesty, and giving your mate wings to be and grow.”
…plus he make them sound way much better than I intended(?) to explain them. Merci Fred!
FELIZ ANIVERSARIO Kristin & Jean-Marc!
FELIZ CUMPLEAÑOS Jules!
and bon chance to Jacques & Miriem!
Besos,
Andrea
Compromise!
If required to select only one word of advice for a long marriage, I choose laughter. On one of our early anniversaries, when we had been through a very rough year, we were dining out and as we raised our wine glasses for a toast neither of us could think of anything positive. I finally said, “Well, it hasn’t been dull”. We immediately burst into laughter, and that has been our toast on every anniversary since. We have been married 57 years and it still isn’t dull!
Kindness, forgiveness, love and a lot of determination to make thinks work when it is hard.