TODAY’S WORD: LE TRAC
le trac = stage fright; performance anxiety; the nervous flutter before an important event
Example sentence: Avant l’arrivée de mes invités, j’ai toujours le trac.
Before my guests arrive, I always get the jitters.
A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE by Kristi Espinasse
July brings visitors. I love them, but my nervous system doesn’t. My mind begins to spin imagining every future moment.
I anticipate and palpitate: Sunday is market day. We will eat this. Wednesday’s a heatwave! We will do that. Almost as soon as I settle on one plan, another bubbles up. Roasted chicken and pasta salad for D-day (day of arrival). Chipolatas and patates on day two. Fend for yourselves day three…
My mind churns on and on: Guest one and two will stay in Jackie’s room; guest three in Max’s. The two couches in a pinch. And Mom… what about Mom? (Mom will surely move herself back to her studio, for the peace and quiet there.)
Weeks before family or friends arrive, my mind conjures up vivid scenes of co-living—mostly famine and faulty plumbing as guests huddle beneath the ceiling fan, everyone surely thinking what a lazy hostess I am, having escaped to my room for a nap.
But reality tells another story.
In the 3 decades of family life in France I’ve welcomed more guests than a Carnival Cruise. You’d think I have it all down pat. But strangely, just like writing, it doesn’t get easier. Before I get my story down on paper, I’m paralyzed with doubt. Entertaining is no different. It all comes down to le trac.
(While it may be a leap to liken stage fright to hostessing, this is my story and it needs a French word to frame it. “Le trac” it is!)
Under such stress, the very timeline itself begins to superimpose and I sometimes become disoriented.
“See you next week,” I say to Jackie.
“Mom, we’ll be there Sunday.” Oh yes, this Sunday. I knew that. (But if “I” knew that then why didn’t my brain know it too?)
Despite the confusion, or perhaps because of it, I had a wonderful time with Jennifer last week. The kind of visit that proves that everything will work itself out. We visited the rocky calanque of Figuerolles with its turquoise waters. Had dinner at Molto Mucho. Chatted like schoolgirls. Laughed and cried. Only, when I tucked myself into bed that night, Ricci reminded me I’d forgotten to feed her.
Oops! Off we trotted for a late-night snack.
When Jackie and Vin arrived earlier than expected—a day after Jennifer and a week before Heidi, Payne, and Reagan—they were hungry. “When’s the last time you ate?” I quizzed Jackie as my mind scanned the contents of our small frigo. “Six this morning at la Gare de Lyon.”
My brain immediately jumped to catastrophe. Sirens began ringing in my head: They need food! I spotted a baguette and remembered the cheese in the fridge.
Saperlipopette ! The snack all but figured itself out!
I may always sweat it. But one thing that cools me down when my mind juggles visitors is the reminder, tomorrow will worry about itself. So when Jean-Marc suddenly announced twenty people were coming over Tuesday for dinner and la demi-finale (France vs. Spain), I took a deep breath and smiled.
“Don’t tell me that today.”
Tomorrow will worry about itself. À chaque jour suffit sa peine.
EDITS WELCOME
If you spot a typo, mistake, or ambiguity, thank you for letting me know at Kristin.espinasse@gmail.com
FRENCH VOCABULARY
le trac = stage fright
la chipolata = a small French sausage
les patates = potatoes (informal)
la calanque = a steep-sided Mediterranean cove or rocky inlet
le frigo = fridge
la Gare de Lyon = Gare de Lyon train station in Paris
Saperlipopette ! = Goodness gracious! (a playful French exclamation)
la demie-finale = the semifinal
REMERCIEMENTS
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I miss large family visits, but am fortunate to live only one building away from my brother and his wife…Today in the Hudson River Valley we were covered in a hazy cloud formed by the Canadian wildfires…My brother and I were able to watch Argentina beat England…together…over the phone! Even though we live so close, he has heart issues and was unable to come outside to play! Perhaps tomorrow will bring better weather….LOVE TO YOU AND YOURS, Eileen
Hi Kristi,
Thanks for the post! I love the word “saperlipoppette”
Looks like fun get togethers!
Eileen deCamp (hello Eileen Burns!)
Our dear Kristi,
Ma chere, you are nothing short of AWESOME!! And an inspiration!!
My gosh,that is a bunch of people!
Not just for meals but staying with you a maison!!
I remember in younger days we did the same,and needless to say ,it was not easy then,and now….well ,fortunately,now all our would be guests are in the same age bracket as we are,so by mutual agreement(survival!! LOL)we just take short cuts to make life easier and simply enjoy each other’s company.
My dear Kristi, I wish you and I knew each other” back then”; your attitude,understanding,and acceptance is nothing short of wonderful!
Bessings always
Arms tightvaround you all.
Love
Natalia
Having friends and family visit is wonderful, and I understand your trepidation of what to cook and how much. Plus, twenty people over to watch the match, and you have to provide food – wow! I was so sad when they lost as I think of them as my team – Allez Les Bleus!
Bonjour, Kristi,
What a challenge you have had hostessing family and friends! You have, however, the big heart to handle it. Thank you for sharing how you feel because I think I need to be more welcoming and I need to do it soon. My son, Daniel and his partner, Heather, have announced their first child via a sonogram in a text! Next there was a second sonogram and finally they delivered a pink cupcake to me to celebrate the news that “IT’S A GIRL!”. She has a heartbeat like a drum roll and will likely be roaring into our lives at the end of December or early January 2027! After the shock of this good news I was sort of paralyzed and now I am beginning to shop and make plans. I knit some cotton washcloths, a baby hat with pom poms, and have purchased 5 white onesies in size 0-3 months! I am only just getting started! Oy Vey! Amitiés, Joanne in California
I recognized before reading the caption that the gentleman sitting across the table from you must be JM’s brother! I think hosting big groups is easier because no one is expecting a fancy multi-course meal and they are willing to pitch in. So great to have such a wonderful family to gather.
Yes I fully understand Le Trac. I live with it every day andyou describe it so well. I just was writing another entry here and suddenly it just disappeared – my computer is not working all that well alas. Thank you Kristin foryour ALWAYS excellent posts and especially your pictures and descriptions of all. You love and care for your family is truly special. They are so fortunate. You are special as is your family and where you are so thank you very much for all you do.
Dear Kristi: Thanks so much for the very enjoyable e-mail & all the news. Yes, I get very anxious before guests arrive even if it’s only for dessert. Of course, we want everything to go smoothly; sometimes life gets in the way. But, so happy that all your friends & family enjoy each other & that everything was a success! Amicalmente, Ann
We don’t have guests very often, but I understand those feelings before our friends and family arrive. I try to do as much as possible in advance so I can enjoy their company and not have to spend time in the kitchen instead of with them. For example, I will make a coffee cake and lasagne to put in the freezer and take out when people arrive. We let everyone know where things are in the kitchen and let them help themselves to breakfast.
As I have gotten older, we plan more meals in restaurants and only a couple at home. We treasure those visits and try to make them as easy as possible. Together time is precious and I hope you enjoy your visitors and savor those special moments. Blessings, Jo-Anne
Bonjour Kristi,
I have written here and there. I live near Philadelphia. My daughter, Janelle lives in Villennes sur Seine (two children now grown). She ran a yoga studio. She is now a clinical psychologist for families dealing with cancer after losing her sister (metastatic breast cancer). I am going for a visit tomorrow with my 5th US grandchild! So excited! I taught French to eighth graders before retiring.
I love your posts and pictures and writings.
Please continue! My grandkids love visiting, cooking, learning, sharing with their Tata.
Merci, Kathlene Watters
French grandkids are: Noa 23, Lorenzo 19
Hi Kristi! A great blog and wonderful photos! You always look fantastic! Now that I am old, I don’t get many visitors except family members who come to help out. They fend for themselves mostly! I just reread parts of Book 2 and really enjoy hearing about Jules. You are blessed to have her with you. Stay cool!