TODAY’S WORD: se mettre en échec : to set oneself up for failure
PRONUNCIATION: [suh met-truh ahn eh-shek]
EXAMPLE SENTENCE:
Quand on apprend quelque chose de nouveau, il vaut mieux avancer doucement pour ne pas se mettre en échec. When learning something new, it’s best to move forward gently so as not to set yourself up for failure.
A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE by Kristi Espinasse
During one of our tête-à-têtes at the dinner table, Mom asked about Jean-Marc. “Is he ready to come home? Isn’t he homesick?”
“Mom, he only began working in the wine cellar a week ago, after finishing his bike tour. No, he’s not homesick. He’s enjoying his experience in South Africa.”
“Well, they’re lucky to have him!”
Some version of this conversation repeats itself at every meal. I’m learning—slowly, imperfectly—how to reply in a way that eases Mom’s anxious loop, redirecting it before it tightens. As I try to redirect Mom’s worries, it occurs to me that Ricci and I have a few loops of our own to work through. Serendipitously, help has arrived—in the most unexpected place.
You see, when Mom moved from her studio around the corner into the house—to keep me company while Jean-Marc was away—the nurses followed. Now, every morning at 7:30, toc toc toc, there’s a knock on our front door. Ricci goes ballistic every time, but thanks to the attention of one of the infirmières, she’s learning to control herself.
From Saturday to Tuesday, it’s Natalie—one of the infirmières libérales, the independent nurses who travel from home to home caring for patients. Natalie is known here as “the dog lover,” as opposed to Roland “the musician” and Nicolas “the hunter.” The nicknames help Mom keep track of the nurses.
On Natalie “the dog lover’s” shift, Ricci and I are treated to an impromptu training session while our patient is still sleeping—as evidenced by the ronflements coming from the room beyond.
“Alors, Ricci,” Natalie begins. “Assis.”
Natalie then places a tiny kibble (revealed to be a cat croquette) into each of the shoes left beside the front door: a few into Jean-Marc’s boots, two more into Grandma’s pantoufles, then into my well-worn baskets (borrowed from Jackie when she left for Brooklyn).
The challenge is for Ricci to sit still until Natalie gives the command prends, at which point our bergère américaine enjoys a savory treasure hunt among the shoe pile.
Prends is one of a handful of commands we’ve practiced over the weeks:
Assis
Attends
Cherche
Pas bouger
Although my dog and I know the commands, have known them from the beginning, our timing is off (that is, the time that must pass before getting the treat or recompense). “You need to let Ricci think,” Natalie explains. “One day, we will all finally understand just how intelligent dogs are!”
Isn’t that the truth, I think, gazing at my furry best friend.
After two long minutes of reflection, Ricci realized she must sit down and wait patiently before she may take the treat. “Bravo, ma louloute !” Watching Ricci think (seeing her head tilt, her ears shift), is so interesting and motivating.
“Just settle on the words that work for you,” Natalie encourages, setting down her trousse de soins. “French or English. No matter. It’s the tone of voice Ricci understands.”
When it’s my turn to fill the shoes, Ricci rushes over before I can drop the first cat kibble. I try in vain to get my dog to wait, but she knows me like the back of her paw. She may not be well trained, but the two of us are clearly fusionnelles, Natalie says.
“Don’t worry. We should have started with something easier. One of the first rules in dog training is this: il ne faut pas les mettre en échec.”
With that, the day’s lesson quickly wraps up. Natalie collects her trousse de soins and enters Mom’s room. After Mom’s recent cataract surgery (a success!), there will be a few more steps in the morning care.
“Hello, hello!” she says in her charming French accent. Their visits always end with kisses and a thank you from Mom, and a singsong reply from Natalie: “NUH-ting!”
Recently, when Mom went back to sleep for the morning, I headed to a local gym to meet my hiking buddy, Jenny, for our trial session. Guided by a fitness specialist, a spirited Italienne, we tested out le rameur and several machines de musculation. But when I tried pushing a mere 30 kilos on la presse à cuisses, it wasn’t as easy as I thought.
My daughter was right when she said last spring, while helping me with push-ups, “Just because you hike and walk a lot doesn’t mean you have muscles where you need them. Mom! You need strength training.”
Back at the gym, at the “abductor” machine, I struggle to complete a fourth set of pull-downs. Just as discouragement begins to creep in, I remember Natalie’s advice: il ne faut jamais se mettre en échec. Never set yourself up for failure.
Waking this morning sore all over and very stiff, I decided to go ahead and sign up for the one-year membership—and commit to more weight training. Only next time, I’ll begin slowly… and, like Ricci, start with something easy.
EDITS WELCOME
If you spot a typo, mistake, or ambiguity, thank you for letting me know at Kristin.espinasse@gmail.com
FRENCH VOCABULARY
tête-à-tête = private conversation
l’infirmière = nurse
l’infirmière libérale = visiting nurse
le ronflement = snoring
la croquette = kibble
la pantoufle = slipper
la basket = sneaker
la bergère américaine = American shepherd
la trousse de soins = nursing kit
assis = sit
attends = wait
cherche = find it
pas bouger = don’t move
prends = take it
ma louloute (mon loulou) = affectionate nickname for a girl (boy), child, or pet
fusionnel / fusionnelle = deeply bonded
se mettre en échec = to set oneself up for failure
Italienne = Italian woman / female Italian
le rameur = rowing machine
la machine de musculation = weight machine
la presse à cuisses = leg press machine
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Bonjour Christy, et s’il te plaît écoute! I work every day for 20 or so minutes with a video body coach (and life coach as it turns out) who makes me laugh, think, and get not only stronger, but tones the whole body and mind without lifting weights (!), jumping or transitions to the floor. I have steel backs of arms (no batwings), a strong core, and no pain EVER on the next day. Having pain from exercise over 50 means that your body is not happy, your estrogen depletion is over-worked and you are pushing too much. Take a look, and you pay or not, at Pahla B…over 1000 videos plus a delightful message at the beginning of each session and her darling doggy, Blossom, is on the chair beside Pahla or her kitty is on the back of her couch….I adore her and started during Covid isolation and you KNOW how old I am!! She’s a marvel, fun and kooky (I love that part) and exercise each day is over in less than 25 minutes with warm up and cool down. Even if it is not your cup of caffé, her energy and postive thoughts are great balms in this weird world….
I think that 30 kilos is a lot! I am looking into strength training, too. Looking forward to hearing more about your experiences.
I’m glad Jules is with you while JM is making, wine not war, in South Africa. The traveling nurse sounds lovely. Bisous à tous.
Hi Kristi, this was sweet and inspiring, comme d’habitude. And, I learned a new nickname for my cat. Félicitations on your new exercise program. You are rockin’ that bathing suit!
Be careful with those leg presses! I was in a University nutrition health research study during the pandemic. They eventually got the leg press weight up to 200 lbs! And, I pulled the quad muscles in both legs, meaning I had to take a year off from all exercise due to the extreme pain. I was doing fine until they raised the amount.
Kristin, you are in great shape, as illustrated by the photo at the end of the post. Do you always wear a necklace when swimming?
I’m glad Jean-Marc has a chance to help with winemaking, and in a different environment. Will he be able to take a few bottles with him on his way home, or can some be sent to him?
In a couple of previous posts composed by Jackie, she mentioned “Vin” or “Vinny.” Is that short, perhaps, for “Vincent”? And he had a stint on a tugboat. Is being on a tugboat crew his regular job, or what is is regular job? Maybe he found it so he and Jackie could be together while she is working in the French kindergarten? I don’t think I’ve missed any posts, but there are apparently gaps in my knowledge.
I’m glad your mom’s cataract surgery went well. And it was so interesting to read about Ricci’s training.
Kristen-we should check in with each other on the gym membership!
Like you, I walk and hike a lot, also do some yoga. But for the first time in many years, I joined a gym and meet with my intro trainer on Monday. I plan on doing water aero ic weight resistance, work on the weight machines and they also offer yoga classes.
Our bones need the weights, which I must finally truly realize!
Our dear Kristi,
What(another!) Inspiring post!!
Bravo! BRAVO!!! SI FIERE DE TOI!!!
Promising yourself– and then sticking to it– truly is awesome(!) And heaven only knows,NOT easy!!!
You look terrific already,(understatement!!)but physically AND psychologically, workouts will give you improvements you will feel both inside and out.
After those six dreary months of outpatient PT for my hip and leg recovery,I’m still doing workouts at home,with and without weights and with wonderful swimming.Sometimes it’s out of guilt to quit,but mostly I do not want to loose the muscles and fitness I worked so hard to gain.
I am 79 now and honestly, it does NOT get easier.Couragage to us all!!!
Prayers and hugs for you all,especially for dear Jules.Please tell Jean Marc we are sharing your pride!
Arms around you tight.
Love
Natalia xo
That nurse is extraordinary the way she is so gentle with Ricci. She sure knows how to train a dog! How wonderful that the nurses come daily to care for and check on your mom.
Well done for joining the gym! I also exercise – doing strength training 2 to 3 days a week along with a program of movement work similar to Tai Chi 2 to 3 days a week. That is in addition to my walks with our dog. Exercise is medicine – for both mind and body.
Thank you for this week’s delightful writing, and for the photos of Ricci, La Ciotat and Jean-Marc.
Félicitations on joining up for strength training Kristi! I started a weekly session a year ago and have never felt better. It was tough at times but I persevered. Miraculously a lot of annoying aches and pains gradually dissipated. Keep it up!
Kristi, your writing fuels my nostalgia for Provence 18 months after leaving Aix. I especially appreciated hearing your voice at the typewriter recently. I subscribed and enjoyed your pieces since 2010. I liked how straightforwardly you talked about your family life and how you get through things. We had several friends in La Ciotat and came down often. Karen and I have lived in Philadelphia, dont bon baisers, since 2024.
I have a great-nephew named Max and I can only hope that he will be as kind and the good man as your Max – he, at the age of 3, is already a sweet boy. You and Jean Marc have done a wonderful job raising both your children – lovely, talented kids who clearly love their parents and their grandmother. Maybe the subject of your next book? And thank you for yet another charming post!
ricci is such a beautiful dog. what kind is he? Also so delightful to see your photos again. It really perks up my day.
Kudos to you, Kristi: The new book is available; (which I hopefully plan to purchase); you are going ahead with your gym membership, training Ricci, taking wonderful care of your mom, sending beautiful photos & I love Jean-Marc’s shirt: “I make wine, not war”! As we live vicariously through your stories, we are there with you. In these days of discombobulation, it is hard to be optimistic; but, we must try! “Never set yourself up for failure”! Merci beaucoup! A biento, Ann
You look fantastic as always. But doing the muscle work is a good idea and I wish that I had back when I was your age. I’ve always worked so hard, in house, garden, dancing, swimming, but now at 76 my muscles seem to be struggling with those things. If you keep it up, you’ll never have these problems! xoxo