Pictured: a muguet stand here in La Ciotat. I hope you all had a relaxing premier mai, or Labor Day, and that the month is going well. On May 12th, at 6 p.m., Jean-Marc and our son Max are having a special wine-tasting for organic and natural wines. If you are in the area of La Ciotat they would love to see you. Click here for more info about this free winetasting event
TODAY'S FRENCH WORD: “dépanner”
: to help out, to lend someone money, to help someone out of a jam, to come to the rescue
(Here we are focusing on one sense of the multi-meaningful verb “dépanner” as it relates to today’s story)
FRENCH SOUND FILE: Click the link to hear Jean-Marc pronounce the French words in today's post. Then scroll down to the vocabulary section to check your French comprehension.
Click here to access the MP3 audio file
A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE by Kristi Espinasse
Driving up to a local ATM for some flouze, I saw the familiar figure loitering around the strip mall. I hesitated over whether to drive off or face the situation.
As soon as I got out of my car, the woman beelined it towards me. “Vous avez un euro cinquante à me dépanner?”
Could I spot her a dollar fifty? Such a specific sum. Was she a regular shopper who was short a few coins for a pack of cigarettes or a baguette? It is the impression she gave the first time she stopped me, in a nearby parking lot.
"Non. Non, non!" I replied (those last two noes surprised even me as I nervously turned to the distributeur. I tried to hide the numbers I was punching into the clavier–all the while keeping an eye on the woman who was slinking away.
Having run into her several times, I knew her story didn't add up. Unlike the panhandler outside our post office or the mendiant beside le tabac or the ivrogne seated in front of the superette (whom Mom regularly supplies with ice cream) who are clear in their motives and whose stories (true or not…) we blindly support, this woman made me uneasy. Certain beggars make me uneasy but that is no reason to look away. It is better to err on the side of giving than to make the mistake of leaving someone in need. I suppose that rule should apply to her as well?
Her. We will call her "Passe Inaperçu," because she blends into the scenery: bare skinned (no makeup), hair tied back, neutral pants and top… you might not recognize her a second time. But a third, fourth, fifth… I see her when I go to the grocery store or to the animalerie, she's soliciting other shoppers in the parking lot, walking right up to them as they head to their cars: "Vous avez un euro à me dépanner?"
Maybe it was a question of the language? Jean-Marc's guess, when I relate the story to him, is the woman is too ashamed to beg, so she asks for money another way. If that is true then I am the one ashamed for jumping to conclusions. Yet…there is something dishonest about her, something in her manner that is synonymous with con or scammer. My intuition is so specific it adds “organized ring” to the hunch. Is it any coincidence, then, what happened next….
While driving to that same centre commercial, I noticed a van pull off to the side of the road, the side door rolled opened and a handful of people got out—including her. I knew where she was headed, but who were the others and where were they off to?
There are all sorts of scams and scammers in France and various ways to deal with them. Our friend Charles, in Florida, has a homemade "antivol" contraption anyone can make. To outwit a Parisian pickpocket all you need is une épingle à nourrice. Charles fastens the safety pin to the bottom of his front pant pocket, and ties a string to his wallet, attaching the two. C'est malin. A clever way to keep your wallet safe.
You've got to be malin with these thieves. And malin enough to know who's who: are you dealing with a con artist or someone in need? When is one the other? Tell me, Dear Reader, how would you handle my “parking lot” situation and have you ever been duped? I would love to know your thoughts and hear your stories in the comments section below.
***
See une coquille, or “a little mistake”, anywhere in today’s post? Thank you for letting me know and I will fix it illico!
Photo of the shopping center mentioned in today’s story. Look at the dog on the back of the motorcycle.
FRENCH VOCABULARY
le flouze = cash
le centre commercial = shopping center, strip mall (when it’s outdoors)
Vous avez un euro cinquante à me dépanner? = would you spot me a dollar fifty?
le distributeur = ATM, cashpoint
le clavier = touchpad
le tabac =tobacconist, tobacconist's (shop selling cigarettes and other items (cards, magazines…)
un ivrogne, une ivrogne = alcoholic, a drunkard (man), a drunkard (woman)
la supérette = mini market, grocer
le mendiant, la mendiante = beggar
passe inaperçu = goes unnoticed
l’animalerie = pet shop, pet supply store
un antivol = antitheft device
une épingle à nourrice = safety pin
malin = clever
illico = right away (see the post for more)
Rusty and Betty, the baby tourterelles, are doing great. We are thrilled they have remained in our yard, and often fly down to peck for seeds in the garden.
Do you know The Serenity Prayer in French? Learn the words and enjoy the calm and peace this poem brings. Bon week-end. Enjoy.
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I tend to give cash to folks whom I know who have impressed upon me their need….without them saying a word. It gives me great joy to later find out that the gift was timely and needed and that I responded to The prompting.
Your depanner (take in acute e) piece rang a bell. On a stroll this week, a voice hailed me. I turned, to find a figure I hadn’t seen in our neighbourhood for maybe 15 years. I told him so; we exchanged pleasantries. Then: “Could you help me out with some paper money?” (Specific). Me: “No. But I’m pleased to see your approach hasn’t changed.” Dude: “It’s all in the approach, isn’t it?” 🙂 Yet – and I agree with you about organised hustlers – maybe some beggars have a genuine need?
There is a typo in your definition of “malin”— it should be “clever”
Thank you, John. Off to fix it. Much appreciated!
Je croire que le mot que vous voulez utiliser pour décrire malin est “clever,” n’est-ce pas?
Hello, Kristi. I love the photos that accompany your posts. Today I was particularly taken with the one with lilies of the valley and the one of the steeply pitched street. They are just so soul-satisfying. I understand your quandary about how to respond to a panhandler who strikes you as scamming. How can you be sure? But our intuition is often sound – there are things we’re picking up subliminally that tip us off. The moment with the van, though, is more than a tipoff, isn’t it? It’s pretty clear. Yet what a heartache – she and everyone who tumbled out of the van might be being coerced to participate in the organized panhandling ring. Oh, about that handy word “dépanner”: here in Quebec, in both French and English, we use the word “dépanneur” to mean “convenience store”/”corner store”. (Quebec English borrowed it from Quebec French, of course.) It’s the place that bails you out, saves the day. A business similar to “le tabac”, in fact. Thanks for your thoughtful posts and beautiful photos, Kristi.
You would love the buxom gypsy in front of Casanova sidewalk cafe in Rome…she panhandles, dressed in long, flowing gypsy colors, coral earrings about a mile long, coral necklaces from Sciacca (VERY RARE) and gold rings on all fingers. I told her once, si, sono felice dare um euro, e you can trade me your thousand dollar earrings…
She was used in Felini’s movie every now and then. A real character. But then there is the boy on a rolling board who is cripled and a victim of spastic paralysis, like my sister was. I would give him the world…
Or (further to my last comment) maybe I should say “dépanneur” is more similar to “l’épicerie du coin” than to “le tabac”.
Kristi, where are those stairs in that last photo? That’s a beautiful cityscape.
When commuting into NYC I learned how to tell the cons from those truly in need (not 100%). Those in need often looked embarrassed or asked if I’d buy them a coffee or a bagel. And I would. But one young woman would show up on the subway with what sounded like a well rehearsed story of abuse, hospitalizations and caring for her young children. The story was always the same over the years. She claimed to have just been released from the hospital after being beaten by her husband. One day I saw her rehearsing her lines underneath a staircase at 42nd Street. When she walked away, she was totally out of character!
The only times I have given money was when a person was NOT asking for money. They were sitting, looking desperate or in bad shape. Then I gave them $20. In Kathmandu, in 1983, everyone was begging for money. I didn’t give anyone anything–but I DID see a physically deformed young man, legs all bent and unable to walk, sitting next to a building. I whipped out $20 equivalent and gave it to him. That was a lot of money back them. Will never forget that young man.
Interesting topic – When traveling internationally, I buy a new sports bra and sew a big (or as big as I can) into the inside front. I’m able to stash cash, credit cards & passport, never seen except by me. Gets embarrassing though, if I don’t prepare ahead of a shopping trip and take out a few Euros or a credit card for the day ahem, for reaching into my bra in front of people. Also, I stayed in Paris once with a Parisian woman. The first morning out, she walked me over to Notre Dame cathedral, where a group of older gypsy women crossed the street to us. She said, look at this, and she splayed all her fingers at them and they retreated screaming. She said she pretended to put a hex on them. I wasn’t bothered anymore after that.
Love seeing the turtle doves in their proper milieu! Also very curious about the location of those beautiful stairs?
Merci for the comment. Travel and even locally at times are dangerous for the unaware. The safety pin lock is also a great way to meet other hands in your pocket.
Charles
Bonjour Kristi
Un jour, dans le TGV roulant à toute vitesse, on avait passé Marseille et Avignon, je veux donner à ma femme quelques euros pour un thé et un café. Ma poche arrière est vide, plus de porte feuille. On regarde partout, sous les sièges, dans le couloir, on relève les coussins, on demande aux gens, on en parle au contrôleur, rien. On se refait le cinéma depuis la maison, la copine qui nous a descendu à la gare, l’achat du journal à la gare, donc je l’avais toujours à ce moment là et puis ça m’est revenu!
À la gare des Arcs – avant les ascenseurs – avec mes deux lourdes valises [avec trois bouteilles de rosés de Sainte Roseline dans chaque que nous ramenions en Californie], Gwen avait aussi sa valise, sans vin, cet homme insistait, me poussait même, à monter les valises sur le quai. Bousculade, poussez-vous, lâchez, je vais vous aider, etc.
Heureusement que mon passeport était dans ma veste, un coup de téléphone depuis l’hôtel aux cartes de crédit, la carte d’identité a été refaite au consulat, au revoir les sous. Depuis ce jour là mon porte feuille est toujours bien serré dans la poche de devant de mon pantalon.
I used to have protein bars in my car and gave them to those with signs saying any help. Usually they ate them right away. Then one time the man with the hungry sign said “I’m allergic “ before I even got the bar out! I will admit that he was only 1/2 block from the liquor store!
Loved meeting you and our visit.
So glad to see the doves!
Kristi,
This is a difficult question. We have been trying to figure it out for years. Here in Nice it is not unusual for older men, retired and on some pension, to sit for an hour or two with a cup for donations. They don’t push but are glad for any supplement to their retirement someone may give.
The pros are more challenging. Like you saw, they are often driven to shopping areas and let out for the day. This is their business. Then there are the tourist kids, short of money, but not experienced beggars. Easy to spot. Those in true need? Probably better to drop a few coins in the cup and say “thank you, Lord.”
I carry a wad of one dollar bills in my car’s cup holder to give to the people begging at traffic lights. I do sometimes (not always) give on the street if I can do it without getting my wallet out. An incident twenty-plus years ago has made me much more inclined to give money, and if I am occasionally being conned, so be it.
I was on my way to meet a small group for coffee at a local Barnes & Noble. As I walked out of the parking garage, I passed a man rummaging through the trash can, opening discarded fast food containers to look for leftovers. I’d just been to the ATM which, as always, gave me twenties and I had no other change. Twenty dollars was too much, I thought. I hurried into B&N to buy a coffee, get change, and go back with a five.
Two people ahead of me, the first dithering about whether she wanted a mocha or a latte, no maybe she’d have a cappuccino, oh and make that a double shot, no on second thoughts … . You get the picture. I finally got my change and ran back. Of course the man had gone.
Every time I think of that man having to eat leftover food from a trash can, my throat tightens and I ask myself who made me the arbiter of what was the “right” amount. I wish I’d given him the twenty.
Oh, my, panhandling used to be a local industry. Now resolved with really good social services and lots of NO. NO. NO. Local folk are ready to help if you’re really stuck, but scamming? Yeah, NO. Now if we can just get ’em off the phone…. May 1 muguet sounds lovely. My LoVs have not put up their flower stems yet. Lots of them peeking up this year. Lilacs are out now. Then LoVs, then rugosas, then honeysuckle. This time of year the air is intoxicating. I’m glad your doves are sticking around. Such a joy to watch.
Over the years I find that I try not to judge the people in need as I am retired and live below the federal poverty level here in the usa. Still sometimes … one wonders. Recently an older woman with a very sad face accosted me in a parking lot in the rain with a sad story of a broken-down car and disabled children and needing a taxi. I gave her some money. She then asked if I would drive her to her children. That was a step too far!!! I still remember that her face looked so sad that I wondered if she had ever been happy.
I remember vividly the man with a sign near the Los Angeles veterans hospital which read “Spare change? I won’t lie it’s for beer.” I wanted to give him money just for being honest!
Hi Kristi:
Asking for a specific amount (often for a specific purpose) is one way of breaking down someone’s defenses. I once had someone at a rest stop in the states ask me for $40 for car repairs. I was so startled by the amount (and audacity of the large request), I gave him $20 to which he said indignantly “$20? I need $40!” I told him to get the other $20 from someone else, only then as I was driving away, realizing I’d been had.
PS: I’ve lost more to credit card companies’ fine print.
Paul
Here I donate to groups that help feed the homeless, and my church volunteers to work or provide food at them. Probably my recommendation would be to further engage the gal in conversation – What is the issue? How would one Euro solve the problem? I would be happy to help you find one of the services that could help with the issue.
Each situation demands a different approach. But, two funny ones: In Florence I taught photography at a local school. Every day I walked the same busy street. A gypsy begged from all. Every day I would “it’s me! I am here every day. How is your day going?”. After a few days he quit asking me.
In Paris I have encountered the same American woman a year apart, telling other Americans her tale of woe – she is stranded. She dresses well. The second time I said “You asked me last year”. She asked if I had helped her then. When I said I had not, she moved on.
Kristi-
“she blends into the scenery: bare skinned (no makeup), hair tied back, neutral pants and top.” At first I thought you were describing me…
Is your Sicily photo from Noto? A beautiful Baroque city.
Kristi,
During these difficult times, I’ve been working on positive thinking and focusing on whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely… excellent and praiseworthy (Phil 4:6). Today as I read this post, it hit me that your posts are all of these things. They are truly uplifting, educational, and thought provoking. Thank you. What a gift you have.
I’ve seen people with signs looking for $ near the grocery store. I’ve bought food and water and offered it to them. People truly in need are grateful for it, especially water in the Florida summers.
Thank you so much, Jeanine. What a compliment! I have enjoyed all the interesting comments and stories here today, and am so grateful. P.S. The very scripture you mention is one I have been referring to lately, too. Like you, I am working on positive thinking during these times. Bonne continuation 💕
Mon Dieu,
Donnez-moi la sérénité
D’accepter
Les choses que je ne puis changer,
Le courage
De changer les choses que je peux,
Et la sagesse
D’en connaître la différence.
Et si tout le reste échoue, la possibilité de cacher les corps.
Worthy of note …
the most requested items in homeless shelters, in order of need:
* a pair of socks
* underwear,
* toothbrush and paste.
At all times I carry in my car ziplock bags containing a pair of socks, a pair of men’s briefs, and a sample toothbrush and toothpaste. These last items are actually FREE if you ask your dentist for them, especially if you explain what you do with them. My dentist gives me a dozen brushes and tubes of toothpaste at each of my quarterly visits.
Interesting that the word depanneur in Quebec is a mini market! It gets you out of trouble food wise!
I am willing to give money to people, but haven’t done so regularly. If I could be sure they would use it for food, I’d do so more often. I’m afraid I may be contributing to money (maybe collected from several people) being used for cigarettes/vaping, alcohol, or drugs.
I was in a gas station once, and a fellow asked if he could pump my gas, or maybe clean my windows. After he did so, I went to the little store attached to the station and bought him a snack. He went back and traded what I’d gotten for something else. Fine with me. I’m willing to give to people even if the work they do is slight. The work preserves their dignity.
The first time I arrived in the town where I work, there was a woman near the metro with a sign that said “Mom with 3 kids needs help.” Years later, she was still there; probably by then the kids were grown. I never gave her anything.
There was a fellow who hung out not far from McDonald’s, but had a sign saying “no fast food.” Seems beggars should not be choosers.
There was a man selling water from a cooler on a hot day, with a sign saying he was out of work and trying to support his young sons. I bought a few bottles from him. Some time later, I bought more, and gave him $20. He was ex-military, but having trouble finding work.
I think we can often tell if a person is genuine or not. And I agree that it’s better to risk losing a little cash than not to help a person in need. The trouble is the alarming need all around us. The D.C. area is expensive compared to many, and affordable housing is at a premium.
It hasn’t done so for quite a while because of the pandemic, but our church used to provide free meals on certain Sundays of the month. It was aimed at the homeless, but no one was turned away. We also used to have “warm nights” during cold months where people could stay, for a couple of weeks or so at a time, rotating with other churches. Because of covid, that was changed. Now they are housed in hotels and the churches help pay for their lodging.
There are lots of ways to help. At Christmas we used to provide decorative cloth bags with soap, towel, socks, toiletries etc. etc. plus something as entertainment (maybe a magazine or deck of cards), and a Christmas card reminding them that they are cared about.
In your glossary list, it is
passe inaperçu = goes unnoticed
but Jean-Marc says passer inaperçu = to go unnoticed.
That took me a few times listening to realize.
Dealing with people begging on the street, you are brave. Mainly those folks scare me. I expect to be hurt, I think. So my charity goes to specific people I know, or to orgaizations.
Hello, Kristi.
Here in the San Francisco Bay Area, there are people (usually 2 at a time) who will approach someone and try to “sell” gold necklaces or bracelets. They will get close to their victim and place fake gold jewelry on their mark, all the while using slight of hand to remove the person’s real jewelry. They are very bold and normally target the elderly. When someone in a store parking lot approaches me and asks for money, I tell them I will gladly go back into the store with them and buy them food. 100% have turned me down.
Never mind! Some research tells me that this is the staircase of Santa Maria del Monte in Caltagirone, Sicily. So beautiful.
Thank you, ML. That is it! Caltagirone. I could not remember the name and appreciate your follow up. Bon week-end.
Correction – Soliciting rather than solliciting 🙂
Thanks Kristi for another great post!
kristi,
while visiting florence, my husband was confronted on a side street by a gypsy and her son. after she put her hands all over him, begging, the gypsy picked his pocket and kept his money, but her son put his credit cards back into his pocket. all this was unknown to my husband, due to his naivete, though he had wondered what had just taken place!
when we realized what had happened, we considered this a donation, and were thankful for the return of his credit cards.
i will off er to buy them food
Thank you, Sue. Going to correct that now. 🙂
Hi Sarah, re passer inaperçu, I noticed that too, when JM recorded the sound file. But in my story, I use the words differently (for that, the sound of them should be: pass in aah per sue
I have been approached in a parking lot several times. The last lady caught me at a bad time, frustrated by a son asking for money. I was sort of rude which isn’t like me. She even got closer to say you have food in the car. I have told a man in NYC saying thank you outside of a Starbucks after walking through Chinatown saying the same vendors wanting the wares bought. He looked confused. I have given 6 blankets to a man on a rainy day after just moving into our new house. He asked for money in the McDonald’s drive thru. This was by my work so I would see him on the corner reading a book not panhandling most of the time. Then there is the man who used to get upset when we collected for Muscular Dystrophy. He would go back to his high rise expensive apartment waiting for us to finish. The list goes on. I guess you could say I come across as rude; most often in my resting @$&# face, oblivious to things around me, in my own little world of audio books and podcasts. Is it right? Maybe not. But I have two sons I have poured money out to many times and it didn’t help them in the long run so I’m a tad bitter.
Living in New York City, I am accosted quite often by “mendicants,” panhandlers. You learn to have a tough hide in New York. I rarely give anything to anyone. Every now and then I have a sense that someone is really down and out and not just faking it, and so I give a dollar or two. In some sense, it is a blessing to live here because I can often say, “There but for the grace of God go I,” and be eternally reminded to be grateful for how lucky I am.
Hi dear Kristi, I love your posts so much. Your writing draws us in. But even more your heart. I live on the island of Hawaii, “the Big Island “. We have a large population of house less here. I ride a scooter so I have the distinct privilege of being able to pull easily off the road and visit with folks. The amazing people I have encountered is beyond my comprehensio. All of them are living without a home that is like mine with four walls and a door. But they are the most beautiful and loving folks that I know. They always are willing to share what little they have or take time to “talk story” as we say here. When I was pulled over once on the side of the road it was one of my houseless friends who stopped and offered me assistance, I find as I get to know each of them and hear their stories I realize how it could easily be me living as they do. Each one is so precious. I have been blessed far more from them than I could ever have imagined. Thanks for sharing your story. Go with your heart and you can’t go wrong is my moto.