My brother-in-law leaves us with countless memories of his generosity, big heart, and Tell It Like It Is character. In today's missive, a few French souvenirs, in memory of Doug.
Today's Word: inoubliable
1. unforgettable
2. never to be forgotten
Merci pour ces inoubliables moments en famille, Doug.
Thank you for these unforgettable family moments, Doug. Click here to listen to Jean-Marc read the French
A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE by Kristi Espinasse
My brother-in-law passed away eleven days ago, Sunday. He was fifty-nine.
My sister is currently helping to write Doug's obituary. I wish I could be there with Heidi, in Denver, to help her find the words, to sit beside her as we rifled through old photos and said a lot of Remember That Time Whens….
One thing I'll always remember about my beau-frère was his no BS attitude. And when it came to his belle-soeur in France there was plenty of nonsense to call out! Take shower curtains for example. Years ago, when Doug and Heidi came to visit, Doug left a pool of water on our bathroom floor. It just wasn't like him – he was tidy, in an everything in its place way. And water’s place is in the tub. (An impossible feat to keep it there when your hostess has no shower curtain!)
As we mopped up the salle-de-bains, using thick square cloths (des serpillières gaufrées) and a broom, Doug offered to buy us a plastic curtain…and a decent mop, for crying out loud! I can still hear my brother-in-law's voice, a bit sarcastic, often blunt, it cut through the nonsense and revealed what it is we were hiding behind (certainly not drapes!).
“Kristi, why don’t you guys have a shower curtain?”
“Uh… they don’t have shower curtains in France.”
“What? You don't have shower curtains in France? Oh, come on!”
At that moment in time (newly arrived in France, living in the countryside of St. Maximin), I believed it was true. After all, there wasn’t un rideau de douche in any of the homes I'd visited so far. I never saw them for sale at our tiny quincaillerie, but you could find dainty curtains (les brise-bise) at the hardware store. And they were nowhere to be found at our supermarché, (which, incredibly, began selling Halloween costumes one year!). It seemed to be yet another commodité moderne the French hadn't yet discovered–such as tumble dryers or drive-thru banking or one-hour dry cleaning…remind me to tell you about my beau-frère’s run-in with the sassy lavandière who refused to press more than 3 of his shirts. Doug was perplexed: “I guess they don’t have a business mentality in France either!”
There began a decades-long joke between my beau-frère and me. The ribbing always ended with some encouragement: “Kristi, I am sure France has (such and such). Go find it!”
Apart from Doug’s skill at calling out people’s BS, my brother-in-law was an excellent chef. He went all out on Thanksgiving (best turkey and stuffing bar none!) and his Christmas dinner was Michelin-star superb. But the simple fare, eaten casually around the kitchen island, in our pajamas, made me feel truly home again! We Froggies (as Doug called us) relished these American brunches which Heidi and Doug prepared as a team, serving up sausage, bacon, scrambled eggs, toast, and waffles–and Mimosas and Bloody Marys too.
Doug's smoked ribs were another quelque chose you could not find in France! “You could make this, Kristi! Don’t give me that BS that you don’t have BBQs in France!”
“Well, we don’t have Green Eggs ® in France!”
“No, you probably don’t!” Doug smiled, proud of his new cooker.
The last time I saw my brother-in-law we were having breakfast together at Pancake House in Denver. This newly-forged tradition was a chance to reunite with The Froggies, Payne, Reagan (my niece and nephew), and Heidi (even after le divorce, the two were committed to family). Catching up over coffee and stacks of buttermilk pancakes, I told Doug about our recent predicament: "We keep getting locked out of Heidi's house," I laughed.
"You need an extra set of keys!" Doug said, offering to take we Froggies to the hardware store after breakfast. There at the quincaillerie, waiting for the key to be copied, my brother-in-law snickered. I'll bet they don't have Hide-A-Keys in France either!
I snickered back before a wave of nostalgia hit. Looking over at Doug, I saw his tired face, his baseball cap pulled low over his brow. He was not doing well. (In addition to sharing jokes about France, my brother-in-law and I shared the “Better Off Sober” etiquette…). Remembering all of my brother-in-law's caring gestures over the years, as well as his growing struggles, I didn't want our visit to end without due appreciation.
"That’s so like you to take care of these nagging details!" I blurted, waving the shiny new key in the air. "Thank you…for everything."
"Yah, well, if I didn’t do it you guys wouldn’t!" Doug laughed, before hugging us goodbye for the very last time….
* * *
Comfort Food. This morning I wanted to make meatloaf when I realized one ingredient was missing: Worcestershire sauce. In all the years I’ve been in France I have never bought a bottle. I am, finally, on my way out to search for it now. In a quincallerie? Beside the dainty curtains? Well, maybe not… I've gotta look harder!)
Thank you, Doug, for this and for your generous heart. PS, I know what you’re thinking: “Meatloaf? Oh, I get it: now you’re going to tell me they don’t have steak in France!”
New York 2008 Jean-Marc, my sister Heidi, Doug, me.
At the Pancake House in 2018, with Reagan, Jackie, and Payne.
FRENCH VOCABULARY
inoubliable= unforgettable, never to be forgotten
le beau-frère= brother-in-law
la belle soeur = sister-in-law
la salle-de-bains= bathroom
les serpillières gaufrées= waffled cloths for washing floors
le rideau de douche= shower curtain
la quincaillerie= hardware store
le brise-bise= half curtains (pictured here)
le supermarché= supermarket
la commodité moderne= modern convenience
la lavandière= washerwoman
quelque chose= something
une étiquette = label
Years ago. I'll never forget Doug demonstrating how to open a bottle of champagne with a sword! "Sabrage is a technique for opening a champagne bottle with a saber, used for ceremonial occasions."–Wikipedia
Max and Jackie will miss their Uncle Doug, who took them to sports events and spoiled them with fun times–memories they will always have.
That time Doug and Heidi brought Grandma Audrey to France! And treated us to dinner at Le Louis XV and a stay at l'Hôtel de Paris!
Old photos, wonderful memories. We are still digging through pictures–bye for now….
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Au revoir, Uncle Doug, you sound like such a great guy! My condolences to all your family.
These days of “best of times, worst of times” are still full of the ups and downs of living and dieing. May sufficient strength and courage from each day come from God above. Thinking of you,
Dear Kristi,
I’m so sorry for your loss and I’m keeping Heidi and her children in my prayers! Doug sounded like a fun guy who liked to give you the business! So nice to have those memories!
Eileen
Condolences to you, and all of Doug’s family. Those lovely memories, some of which you shared, I’m sure will bring you much comfort. Shed a tear but mostly smile when you think of Doug. He sounds like a man who relished life and would want to leave you smiling.
So very sorry for your family’s loss but how wonderful to have such good memories of time spent together.
So sorry for your loss in this year of loss for so many of us!
I’m so sorry to hear about your brother-in-law, Kristi, it seems like he was a wonderful, fun man, and that you have many great memories of him. Our condolences to you and your whole family!
Good Friday to you,
Kristi sorry for your loss.My first takeaway is Big Green Egg is headquartered here in Tucker Georgia and a trade mission to France must occur.BGE are a slow food tool beyond compare.Food memories are always so important is our mental reservoir
My heart breaks for Doug leaving his kids and family at such a young age. His humor and his love language of cooking will be greatly missed by all of you. Thank you for sharing. I Love the shower curtain or lack of a shower curtain story!
So sorry to hear this Kristi, big hugs and love to you all. Ps Owe you a long catch up email. PPS British section of supermarkets will often have Worcestershire sauce!xxxx
My condolences to your family. The fact that we can’t travel makes these losses all the harder. May beautiful memories carry you all.
I am sorry for your loss. Life is precious. Thank you for the reminder. We need to cherish all the little things.
I appreciate your blog. Merci.
Condolences to all of you in the loss of Doug. As others have stated, he sounded like a wonderful man… if you deem appropriate it would be great to see what your sister wrote… I’m sure you’re with her in spirit… keep your memories close…
My heart goes out to you and your family.
Mes condoléances et ma sympathie à votre famille, Kristi. Merci de partager les sentiments très touchants!
Condolences to you and your family on the loss of Doug. Thank you for sharing such wonderful memories and photos of all. Special sympathy that you cannot be with your sister and your niece and nephew at this time.
Take care.
Jean
My condolences for your family’s loss, Kristi. Thank you for sharing some treasured memories in words and pictures. May Doug’s memory be a blessing.
Praying for your entire family in the loss of Doug with less pain and more peace each hour.. My baby brother, Doug passed away 13 days ago, age 56. Thank you for le mot inoubliable.,
I am so sorry, Kristi. My heart goes out to you and your family. What a beautifully written tribute to your beau-frère.
Kristin, So sorry for your loss. I like his attitude of no nonsense. A very sad time indeed but good to have those lovely memories.
I am so sorry. His energy will be missed
by all of you. Love, Drina
You have a photo of Uncle Doug with Max, who’s holding a baseball. Was that a hit baseball that Uncle Doug either caught or retrieved somewhere in the grandstand or was it a bought one? If the former, then Max has a delightful, truly delightful souvenir from Uncle Doug, who was in the right place at the right time.
I am so sorry for your families loss. Memories will help you all through this rough time.
Sending love and hugs your way.
I have 3 sympathy cards on my desk waiting for me to add my personal message for friends who lost their grandmother. I have sent so many cards, flowers and messages recently. Sad. I am sorry to hear about your family’s loss. I remember seeing his name in your past stories. My condolences.
Just when you think it can’t get worse, it does. I am so sorry for Reagan and Payne and Heidi. And you and JM of course. Keep Doug alive in your hearts. What a year ~ I only hope 2021 brings better times.
My heart goes out to you and your family. Offering prayers of comfort this morning. Grateful that you have such sweet memories, he sounds like a wonderful man.
I sympathize with your loss of the special people who blessed you with good times because they could not contain their joie-de-vivre. One of my brothers-in-law is quite ill at the moment and certainly this Thanksgiving and Christmas we will not be having any of his elegant cuisine nor his after dinner big screen musical videos and improvisational musical solos. I cannot even give him a big hug. I found the softest marine blue knit chemo cap, blessed it, and mailed it to him, and then I felt fall all my tears for him and for his family. Wherever I am on Thanksgiving and Christmas, there will be a place set for my brother-in-law.
Oh, Krisiti,
I’m so sorry to learn of you and your family’s loss. It is so painful especially at this time.
My thoughts are with you.
My sympathy,
Roseann
I’m so sorry, Kristi. Events like this just heighten the sadness of the separation COVID is bringing to us all, making worse times the worst. I know you’d give anything to be with Heidi and her family right now.
Our dear Kristi,
we send heartfelt sympathies for your loss.You were blessed to have Uncle Doug in your lives,as he was to have all of you in his.
These are God’s gifts.
When you are reunited the joy will be unending.
Arms around you.
Love
Natalia. xo
I am so very sorry for your loss. It is especially hard to be so far away. This seems to be a theme for a lot of people these days. Keeping your whole family in my thoughts. Sincerest condolences.
Traci Parent Nelson
My eyes are leaking water at your loss.He sounds like such a good soul. What wonderful memories you have of him.Prayers of love and care for you all at this time.
Sorry for your loss, Kristi. My heart goes out to you. My only living sister just passed away and it’s brought up so many many memories. I loved what you wrote about your beau-frère, especially his wonderful way of reminding you to think outside the box! Sounds like an absolute gem of a guy! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your (and Doug’s) family. Thanks for sharing.
So sorry for this loss! So many photos and memories to cherish as time passes. Doug will always be with you.💖
I am so sorry for your loss. It is so sweet of you to share with us. You have such a nice family. My prayers and love are with you. Rosemary
So sorry Doug has passed away. Bon repose.
I am so sorry for your loss – we never have the people we love long enough. Everyday is very special. Prayers of strength for you and all the family.
Condolences for the loss of a treasured family member. Doug sounds as though he was a dynamic, vibrant human who impacted all those who knew him. He will not be forgotten!
I am so very sorry for your loss. I am sending you my deepest condolences. Your words so beautifully described him that I felt as though I knew him and could hear his laugh. Losing dear friends and family causes a pain and ache that is felt deeply throughout the body. I know it is even more difficult that you are so far away from Heidi.
I have always wondered why we always seem to lose our favorite family members either too young, when they’re too far away, or even before we can get to them to say goodbye and how much we love them. Death is hard enough. Why does it always seem to pack a dbl wallop? I had no siblings. My favorites were Jo, my cousin & huge mentor, who I grew up across from, Uncle Tommy, who I saw once a yr, (NY City), (my Favorite uncle, the funniest), and Alex, my first cuz, from MIA, who was a real war hero, a smart man, wild man, and wily fox, and as a young to middle adult simply was gorgeous, my first crush. My second Mother, who took care of me forever, Bibi, was the one, who when she died, it was like all hope was lost. In the space of 5 or 6 yrs, I lost all of them, plus my Dad. Your loss has really brought this back. I wish I could be there to lift you up, to offer tons of love, and to do something to help, or make you laugh. I can’t imagine losing a sibling; must be like losing my Dad. We’re older, it should be easier, but it is not. All of your readers love you and your family. Know that we’re all praying or whatever each of us does to try to comfort you through brain waves, wishing, feelings, and prior knowledge. You don’t deserve this, espec all you’ve had to go through. Stay well, and let it all out. You were so lucky to have him as long as you had him. Some poor folks never have what we’ve had. We are lucky, sort of. God Bless, stay safe. RL
Kristi,
You are often a reminder to me to seek out, and remember, the best aspects of a person, or maybe the positive side of any character trait ( for all traits have their dark side or problem when in excess). You have a gift for friendship, and it is no wonder that people seek out your company. It is also a kindness and compassion which we( I mean me, of course) each need to apply to our own quirks, even as we try to ameliorate them.
Please accept my condolences to all of your family.
My deepest sympathy on the
passing of Doug.Your beautiful
memories will help you through
this difficult time.I will keep your
family in my thoughts.
I am sorry for the loss of your beloved Doug. You are all in my prayers, especially your sister and her children.
What a wonderful tribute! I’m sure all will miss him terribly. Thank goodness for all the good memories! My condolences to all the family!!
I am so sorry about Doug.
One death brings up all the others.
♥️♥️♥️
I am so sorry for your loss, But what a treasure he must have been to know.. I share some of your French BS, having lived in France for some 10 years, My friends who call me on it make me laugh, and Doug sounds like the wonderful person who did the same for you! Not being about to travel is hard now, we are all living in such a wierd sci-fi world. My heart goes out to you and his children and family, take care..
Oh Kristie,
I am so, so sorry for your families lose. May you all find peace and comfort in these memories and those many memories not shared here.
He sounds like the perfect brother-in-law and Uncle! I’m know he will be missed, but you remember him well and truly loved. I don’t think there’s anything better than that, and I believe you’ll be reunited in Heaven. I believe Families are Forever.
And he’s part of your forever family. xx
Your memories keep him close. Never forget him! xx
Kristi,
Sorry for your loss. Prayers to you and your family.
Peace, Kathleen
What a bountiful story of Doug. You were right on with the no BS when Doug was there. Lots of fun times and great meals with Doug and family We will certainly miss Doug
Sending you and your family peace and love.