I am busy looking up the term bénéfice du doute–all the while doubting this is the way to begin today's letter. I am numbed, saddened, and shaken by the carnage in Las Vegas, as well as by the hurricaines and earthquakes, and by more local terrorism. Two girls, cousins my daughter's age, were stabbed to death Sunday–at the Gare St Charles in Marseille. Only a few weeks before, in the same train station, 4 young girls, fellow Americans, survived an acid attack. Our thoughts go out to these victims and their families and we send our support (feel free to recommend charities in the comments box. My friend Jo Ellen listed this one, for Puerto Rico, and Margaret listed The Red Cross. Thank you!)
As we all attempt to process these atrocities, let's remember to be respectful to others. This is a tempting time to point fingers at or ridicule those around us. There is an urge to find somebody to blame or someone to be the dunce when none of us truly know what will happen next and therefore how to prepare for it.
A few days ago a reader angrily signed off my newsletter. Referring to a post in my archives, she accused me of caring more about my broken fountain than the hurricaine in Houston. Reading her comment, I was stung by the power of words. Then, this morning, while scrolling through Facebook I saw, in response to the Las Vegas massacre, a cartoon ridiculing those who believe in God. It characterised believers as people who do not live in reality.
(Not living in reality? I thought of the past year-and-a-half–of the past 14+ years of facing each and every day without so much as an aspirin to dull my senses. But this essay is not about sobriety.)
I wasted a lot of time staring at that cartoon, trying to form a response in defence of faith. The more I tried the more fired up I became. And then I thought, What kind of example am I when I respond in anger? When I lash out? When I end up ridiculing the one who ridicules?
But it took my 20-year-old daughter to help me see things in a different light. Regarding the angry subscriber, Jackie said, "Mom, she is very upset about the hurricaine. She has to lash out at something."
My hope this morning is that my former reader will give me le bénéfice du doute. And that I may extend the same good faith–which brings me back to the cartoon depicting an atheist and a believer (both may have gotten a bad rap in that cartoon!). The two seem to have something in common after all. Both have to admit to not knowing what comes next, to whether or not one will take his or her next breath. And yet both, by their actions–whether by repairing a broken fountain or by parenting a child, demonstrate a belief in the unknown–or the as-yet-unreal tomorrow. A tomorrow which can neither be measured nor seen by the naked eye.
I leave you with a sunrise. Please leave everyone you come in contact with today with the same.
Amicalement,
Kristi
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Merci cher Kristi. Amidst the darkness, continue to look for and follow the light. Such challenging times seem to me to call for open hearts, dialogue and positive actions to create change. Bon courage a tous.
I love you my precious Kristi…you are my sunrise. xoxo Mom
Thank you so much for your thoughts this morning!
It was calming to read your post ce matin. Often it feels easier to lash out at something when there is such pain and heartache around the world. Your words were a comfort. Merci.
Peace to you, Kristin. I think you are right about anger and fright clouding our thoughts and reactions following upsetting events. Taking a step back before reacting is always a good thing.
Your words today helped. So easy to lash back at someone or something in these days. 🙏🏼
I drove home last evening from work, sobbing all the way while listening to a survivor’s story from Las Vegas on the radio. We can pray for those who are suffering from these tragedies as well as for those lashing out. Peace.
May peace prevail throughout the earth–and especially in our hearts.
Your anxiety and sadness reflect what so many of us are feeling, dear Kristi. Thank you for reminding each of us to do our part in working for peace, understanding and love.
It seems so strange when someone lashes out with anger or violence to the rest of us who try to live peaceably, sharing our struggles, joys and blessings. Jackie is right, the woman was hurting. It is very challenging for us to reach out with patience when we feel attacked. You are correct in reminding us all that none of us knows what tomorrow will bring. All the more reminder for us to spread love and compassion to all of those our lives reach and touch. Thank you for reaching out to us, in love, Kristi!! ❤️
Christi,
Just wanted to thank you for giving all of us the benefit of the doubt! So many of our fellow Americans are confused and angry! Facebook has turned into an avenue for unleashing the anger of so many! To many of us faith in God and humanity as a whole has allowed us to carry on! I am often tempted to take a vacation from FB as there is so much ugliness expressed! Then I would have missed your blog! Have been following you for many years and enjoy your honesty and description of your daily lives in France! Hang on, things will get better after the dawn! (Lovely picture)!
Dear Kristi (and fellow readers), I feel somewhat responsible about the fountain as it was my idea. (But I still very much want it to happen). I was aware at the time that, as my idea grew, so did the awful hurricane and its terrible damage and loss of lives. And now the horror of Las Vegas …. But when I take a few deep breaths, I tell myself that one can contribute to the fountains of this life AND send prayers and donations to those suffering from hurricanes and other horrors – and still find time to watch last night’s stunning Yorkshire sunset and hug one’s child and grandchild. Time and whatever money and resources we have, are ours, to use wisely and well. Our arms are wide and can embrace many people. As I approach my 8th decade, there is a quote that often rings in my ears – “What will remain of us is Love.” Kristi, you encourage us all to be generous and loving. You are a sensitive soul and that is why the odd angry reader wounds you. Thicker skinned people do not feel the joys OR the pain. It is difficult if not impossible to “select” one’s feelings. The pain is sometimes the price we pay for the joys. Warm hugs from a grey and windswept Yorkshire.
Very well said, Kristi. God bless you for being articulate enough to say what needs to be said at a time like this. And for not responding in anger to online comments (read Brene Brown’s book, Daring Greatly). Your post today was a great comfort.
All excellent comments above! Jackie, a wise young lady, knows that people often do or say things they don’t really mean. Many people lead exceedingly stressful lives. Let’s try to make someone’s life — even a stranger’s life — less stressful by giving the benefit of a doubt.
Drucye said it perfectly! And thank you for always being so caring and sensitive. Jackie is right, people lash out in fear and anger, usually to ones they love most, out of frustration and powerlessness. As you can see from all the positive posts, your efforts are very appreciated by all save one or two unhappy souls.
” Carpe Diem” is a saying that should be taken to heart. A small comfort to all the horror around us, are all the stories about heroes who are performing remarkable acts of kindness and bravery to save strangers. Let’s focus on those wonderful people, who I’m positive outnumber the crazies!!
This is such a profound and profoundly helpful post.
Atrocities, love, hatred, destructive hurricanes, beauty all jumbled together and clashing in this life, in these days.
I stopped in a park on my way to see my mother in the ICU unit and met a wonderful basset hound named Albert.
Albert had found a scent and would not turn to say hello or listen to his “owner”. He was onto something that absorbed his attention completely. It was so magical. It carried me through the day. If happiness is paying attention, then Albert is a model of happiness.
I am rambling, but you are a blessing in my life. Thanks for untangling the threads of the news and our many reactions to it and each other.
Your faith is a powerful witness, Kristi.
Here’s a quote from Norman Vincent Peale that I recently found helpful.
“Become a possibilitarian. No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see possibilities — always see them, for they’re always there.”
Hopeful in Houston,
Carmen Clarke
Kristy, I hope you won’t delete my comment. People all across America must demand laws that keep automatic weapons out of the hands of civilians. Please read the statistics about gun violence here: https://everytownresearch.org/gun-violence-by-the-numbers/. Be part of the solution: demand your lawmakers do more than talk.
What would Jesus do? (WWJD?) Forgive! Good job, K.
Susie Q.
Kristi, Beautiful post. Love the way you speak so truthfully. I will share with you here a song that my daughter and son-in-law wrote. I actually visited Paris the day after the Bataclan tragedy and took the rough cut of the song and shared it with our hurting friends there. This week a minister in Las Vegas shared it with his community at a vigil that they held the day after the horrible tragedy. Our cities need healing. I am ever hopeful!
Sometimes in the midst of the chaos of a frightening storm, a little normalcy is needed. Bless you and your fountain, Kristi, for giving us an anchor.
My mantra of late……. Respect, empathy, kindness and charity, these are the threads that hold us together.
Thank you dear Kristi for helping to spread the love. xox
Thank you Kristi for your wise and compassionate thoughts. So needed in these very difficult times.
And for the picture of the sunrise… Beauty helps give hope, so that we can keep finding the courage to do the right thing — which is to be kind and compassionate in word and action. Thank you for “modeling” this. <3
Very much enjoyed the song by your daughter and son-in-law. Beautiful voice and video.
Your words always touch my heart and remind me of the good that- though hidden at times – resides in the human spirit. Jackie was right about your readers anger and I believe that most of what people say in anger has nothing to do with the person hearing it but is an accumulation of stuff from their own past.
You have sent your love and beautiful spirit out into the world via this blog and you are loved and respected.
To Barbara Pickens, French word A Day can be sent as an email. You can get off of Facebook and still enjoy Kristi’s uplifting entries.
Oh, but you can receive FWAD blog right in your inbox (though you may never see this comment); no need for FB for that!
Kristi: I’m sorry for that woman who is probably hurting, but there’s no excuse for taking it out on you, a stranger, who is good enough to share your life, your trevails and triumphs, with us, wkly. You seem to be one of those lovely women who are naturally filled with grace. I admire that. I don’t have that, even ‘tho I have great faith. I just lost my house in St Thomas, something I worked and saved for my entire life. Never got to enjoy it or stay in it. Now, it’s gone. Yes, I’m numb, but we had some insurance. The island is devastated. Most are w/out roofs, homes, running water, bathrms, food, medicine. St Thomas and St John have been forgotten. They’re just now getting very small help. What is a house compared to these islanders’ misery. We were told Tues. by the time we get a quote from anyone, much less find someone to rebuild a small home, the insur. $$ will be gone. So, we’re looking at paying on a house ’til long after we’re dead. It’s really of no importance. We’re alive, and we have 37 yrs of marriage and love for each other, plus a roof over our heads here in the US. I have no feelings for that woman who fussed at you. Another person with no “‘couth.” I apologize for her. I’m, quite frankly, tired of being PC, being respectful, and always being kind to those who are “hurting,” to dolts and thugs. My heart is with the people & animals who aren’t as lucky as the rest of us, the ones who have nothing left, the ones who were killed. Let’s get better by stopping rudeness and meanness first. And I love fountains, always wanted one, and follow this ftn. of yours with great interest. You go, girl. Carry on. Much love.
Thank you for acknowledging the on-going world problems, while also offering some hope, and something to do about it. I have not appreciated my friends as much who pretend the world is fine; an acknowledgement of the crises, together with hope, is part of the solution.
Wise words, well expressed.
Your words are so beautiful and Jackie’s so wise. I ran into an old hurt today and wanted to lash out. I thought of this post. I thought also his bad behavior stemmed from pain and, though I didn’t have to condone the behavior, I didn’t have to allow my pain and anger to lead to meanness either; that can be a vicious circle and not helpful to anyone. If I say anything, perhaps I’ll send the link to your blog.
Robbie, Thank you for mentioning St. Thomas and St. John and the islanders. I am so sorry you lost your home, and appreciate your taking the time to send this encouragement.
Beautifully stated–thank you. We never know what the next moment will bring. For me, the one thing I pray for daily is to be an agent for good, what brings growth. Sometimes I do just that and sometimes I fail. I have learned to accept the failure knowing that the sun will arise tomorrow giving me another opportunity. Be well–you bring much joy and light to our needy world.
xoxo Mary
Thank you for this beautifully expressed message of wisdom and love.
Merci for you words and thoughts .
The answer I believe is that we all must be better people and be influences for good…while calling out evil when we see it. That, and fight against falling into despair.
Prayers 🙏🏻
Mercury One.org is a good charity. All proceeds go to aid not administrative costs.
🙏🏻 Commeseecommsaw
Beautiful dear Kristi and Jackie – such wisdom and grace from a young lady.
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins [and ugly words from hurting hearts] ~ 1 Peter 4:8 ♥
Thank you, Kristi, for your thoughtful and wise words as we all try to understand and cope with what is happening over the entire world.
I agree. Positive actions must fuel us every day. We can change the conversation.
This comes to mind (about you) when I read your comments today. “…beauty is a light in the heart”. (Kahlil Gibran). You shine.
Sometimes we forget that regardless of our religion or politics, we all want the same basic things for ourselves, our families and our countries. Unfortunately, we can’t seem to realize that love and understanding, not hate, is the only way to find those things.
Merci. The article was poignant. We were in Marseilles Sunday. It was our first time there and we had traveled by car. It is such a beautiful Mediterranean city with a lovely Vieux Port area. Praying for those suffering in each of these places around our tired, hurting world.
I too find it very sad when someone has to lash out in anger because they are upset, sad and don’t know how to process the event. We are all in this together, whether we live next door or a country away. Being kind to each other, helping when needed and just being nice can go a long way. Remembering that we all have different views about different subjects and while maybe not agreeing at least respect.
Sending love!
Oh, beautiful Kristi, your incredible words give understanding, peace and joy—-LOVE!
Merci beaucoup,
Diane
Dear Kristi,
I’ve not responded to you previously alhough I’m a regular reader. But this prompted me to stop lurking! I read an angry work email just before reading your blog post this morning. You’re right. There is plenty of anger these days. It seems to be the emotion du jour. People are hurting. Violence is legitimized. Yet I think it’s true that love is what we remember, or should remember (violence is like a meme while love is like a cherished poem). I’m going to pass a sunrise on today. Thanks.
As I read your latest post…I was disheartened to see how some people treat a woman who’s only goal in life is to spread her love of all things French; language, food, society, voter mari & les enfants.
This world has gone absolutely crazy but we need to hold on to our humanity, sanity, & love and begin to live in the moment & accept & love each other for who we are…
I’ve enjoyed your blog for many, MANY years…please keep going. You are loved by many, many people.
Beautifully said. Anger is so counter productive; to the person with anger and to those it is directed toward. Jackie was right in her reference…..and you never always know what the person standing next to you, or who comments on your blog is or has gone through. Even those who may be an atheist care about the goodness in people. They care about animals and what happens in the world. There is more love and compassion in the world than hate. Unfortunately the latter is what makes the news which is disappointing because we all need to feel and know that there is so much good out there. Yes, I will greet every sunrise with a full heart. Love is powerful.
Joie Lynn
Thank you for your words, Kristi. You are, indeed, a good soul and a positive light.
Linda
Thank you, Margaret. Just because we give a gift to Kristi, who has given us much pleasure through the years, does not mean we cannot give to hurricane relief. And if one does not believe in prayers, one can still send caring thoughts. Holly
Kristi ~ Thank you for your sage words and thoughts*°•☆
This one really hurts-So much evil & pain! So Senseless and impossible to understand 🙁
Your daughter is right – people are lashing out with ANGER & their confusion
– pain /sorrow.
With this modern technology it is easier to release it by posting on are media devices•
Kristi~So appreciate your ability to think of others and with a more inclusive heart my friend ♡
Times are different than when we were young ⊙
CHĘĘRŚ to sunshine & fountains
HųGş °⊙¤☆♡
Thank you very much Dave. So very touched to see this note from a longtime friend.
Thank you who are reading for your kind and thoughtful comments all for keeping this a peaceful zone, full of good will here and beyond.