Happy Days then and now. Photo taken in 1991
Today's Word: broyer du noir
: to feel defeated, demoralized, depressed
AUDIO FILE – Listen to Jean-Marc pronounce today's word and sentence:
broyer du noir. Quand quelqu'un est déprimé il voit tout en noir.
To feel dejected. When someone's depressed, the see everything in black.
A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE…
I am discombobulated lately. Ce dernier temps, je chamboule… This happens when a series of things happen all at once. This week we are having our house painted, I have some writing deadlines, and many guests arriving. Bigger than this is my husband's recent depression (he has a history of it. It is debilitating. And you would never know it from appearances. Please pray.)
Also, I am anxious about the emails, requests and updates that I receive from readers. Please accept my sincere apologies for not answering all emails or being of much help. Please know that it is a great pleasure to read your letters, but that I am unable to answer.
I resist writing these kinds of posts, and I fear the occasional troll response that would point out to all my readers what a perfect and priviledged life I have. Coincidentally, this is the same thing caring friends tell my husband. But it does not take away his depression. He knows he has a good life. And so do I.
Thanks for listening and for understanding. I recently read that writers write as a form of therapy. In which case, I am very lucky to have so many caring "thérapeutes" reading. Mille mercis. And thank you for praying for Jean-Marc.
Amicalement,
Kristi
Today in the comments let's talk about depression. Many thanks for anything you can share, any encouragements you can give. Click here to comment
A random jumble of photos
2009?
Our town hall marriage, in July of 1994
2004. Our 10th anniversary
21st anniversary
#ChiefGrape #Chiefforever
COMMENTS
I've spent the past 3 months trying to think of the right words to encourage Jean-Marc. If you can think of any, thanks for sharing in the comments. CLICK HERE.
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If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. Lao Tzu
I hurt, and feel empty in an unexplained way. Your Emails help uplift me. Yes depression is my shadow. What can tell you? The only thing that helps me it to say all that I am thankful for. List each one and verbalize them several times a day. It helps uplift me. Medicine does not help me. I am praying for you and your husband. I am thankful for you and your emails!
Eileen
Thank you for sharing this delicate personal story. I also have been suffering for more than 10 years from depression and anxiety. It took me many years to admit only medicine can help. I wish I would have tried it years earlier, it would have reduced a lot of suffering inside of me and the one I caused to my family and friends. I do some talking therapy but the medicine is what helped me get out of the dark hole which was caused by the chemical imbalance I inherited. Good luck! <3
Dear Kristin,
September, February, May are the months which greatly affect those who suffer from depression.
I totally agree to get help immediately!! I hope you don’t mind the long story I am about to write to you…
II have two children who suffer from depression. This is NOT to be taken mildly. I sit here sipping coffee surpressing heart felt tears.
March 21st , 2001, my son had just turned 21,… Attending Syracuse University….My golden child,… Athlete, honor student & most lovable & generous human being…. And then, we received a
Phone call… To please come immediately to Oswego hospital. I knew,,, just knew, the news would be life changing!
He was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder….”had we
Had any history in our family?” “No”, I said… But, fortunately his paternal grandmother was still alive & I found out that her mother took her life & so did
Her uncle. It was definitely an inherited disorder.
I researched further…. And I was going to fight
Till I found an answer. I took my Darling boy to the best in NYC , therapist & psychiatrist twice a week. Four
Years later he moved to Florida and today is
An extremely confident & successful banker. The answer across the board from Chinese, Indian doctors, therapists & our wonderful NYC doctor Fieve
Was:
“Well informed/educated family is extremely important ,take care of this illness as if
It were a boil, an infection…. Do not let it get out hand…. If you do, it’s like a run-away train!” And… So we did… For 4 long years…
But, there’s wonderful news….. Don’t ever give up!!! My son has been off medication for 10 years!
The last time he had a slight reoccurrence he was hospitalized over the weekend, treated & has been absolutely wonderful !!!
Kristen, he will be alright. Hope is always present …
Je prie pour vous, Teresa
And, Mexico is always open to you!
We are learning that the brain-gut connection has a really profound impact on human health, both mental and physical. I recommend Grain Brain and Brain Maker, both by Dr. David Perlmutter. Recently there was an interview on TV of a young woman who suffered all her life from depression. Due to other health issues, she went on a diet of vegetables with chicken or beef, and within a few months was able to reduce her medication and then to go off it completely. She feels happy, something she never felt even when on medication. Definitely worth a try.
I would like to thank you all for the sweet and loving words. I am right into the middle of this life “crisis” but I will fight it with all my strenght
God bless you
Dear Jean-Marc –
You are a blessed man in so many ways.
You live in a BEAUTIFUL part of FRANCE. MANY people would give almost anything to live there.
You have a BEAUTIFUL and TALENTED wife. MANY people would give almost anything to have a wife as beautiful and talented.
You have an impressive son. MANY people……
You have a career (Chief Grape) that you love. MANY people stuck in mindless jobs they hate would give almost……
EVERY day may not be perfect in your eyes, but the blessings you DO have would EXCEED most of the people of the world’s greatest dreams.
I wish you and Kristen the best
I may have commented on this already. I battle with depression off and on. As with any “problem”, I have tried to figure out a solution and or cause.
I have found that anti-inflammatory medicine such as Aleve seems to be the major cause of my depression.
Solutions are not always easy as I have back problems off and on. So it becomes a choice……pain or depression.
I am not the type of person who settles easily. So the ultimate solution for me is my five points of balance…..spiritual, physical, academic, creativity, social. I find that if those five aspects of my life are in balance (tended to evenly) then my back pain subsides as well as my depression.
Continually searching for a healthier me….I have found that less Gluten has decreased pain. Thus no need for Aleve and the like….thus no depresssion.
I hope this might help in some small way. It took me many years to come to this realization.
Hi Kristi,
I’m sorry that Jean-Marc has to go through this. My mom suffers from depression which has gotten worse as of late. Her beloved labrador that I gave her after my dad died in 2002 passed away and her dear friend Mary recently passed away from pancreatic cancer. Sometimes you just want to say, “just snap out of it” but it isn’t that easy. It’s a real disease and sometimes I feel myself falling into a sadness and I don’t know where it comes from. I will keep Jean-Marc and your family in my prayers. I do believe a strong faith in God along with medication and therapy necessary is very helpful. Just being mindful of when you feel yourself falling low or feeling that something is not right to become aware of what could be causing it and try to catch it before it becomes a real weight and you can’t find a way out.
Well, I am not a shrink or a therapist and most people can work this stuff out in due time on their own. But what I would suggest for your hubby and you too, is to sit back and look at what you have built. raised two kids, cultivate vines, bottle and run a winery. I think that your husband has a lot of work to do on the new farm/winery, to get it the way that he wants it and that can be overwhelming (I saw you moving those huge boulders)that’s very hard work. maybe time to sit down with a glass of your wine and soak it up for a bit, recharge and get back to finishing off what needs to be done. although it’s never really done (i’m a homeowner too and there is always something that needs to be done). I wish you both good liuck and good fortune, you will prevail I’m sure!
Jean-Marc and Kristi, some years ago I was getting bouts of unexplained nausea and racing thoughts at bed time. At the time I had been divorced for a year and in a job I hated, but I thought that is what a lot of people go through in life. My doctor gave prilosec and antacids for my stomach but to no avail. Finally she suggested taking zoloft I resisted for 6 months saying I’m not depressed (famous last words!) but took it in end. It helped me out so much muting those inner critics and giving me 8 hours a night of blessed solid sleep. Jean-Marc you are not alone in this struggle there are many with this problem, it’s not something you see like a broken leg but it most definitely there and like a broken leg needs treatment. I normally don’t comment on blogs but felt maybe commenting on my experiences may help in a small way.
Hello Kristin, thank you for opening this subject to discussion. It is beautiful, helpful, hopeful, and enlightening.
I have depression, inherited most likely from my sensitive, loving, very macho father. While I felt no hesitation to seek help, the message I heard from my dad was that I lacked the strength to overcome my “dark moods” because I was a woman. He felt his only course was to tough it out like a man and so he struggled periodically throughout his life with bouts of debilitating sadness, fear, anger, and alcoholism. He counted all these things as weaknesses, his personal deficits. He would do nothing to address them aside from trying to manhandle his depression into submission. Of course, it didn’t work very well. Meanwhile, we his family lived in torment under the storms that passed through him.
Finally, finally, dad’s doctor saw noticed something was wrong and gently suggested he might consider a trial of low dose of antidepressants. He resisted but when he turned to my mother she asked him to please try and so he did.
Dad will turn 80 this summer. These three years since he tried medication have been the happiest years of his life. And also, the happiest years for his wife and daughters and grandchildren. The dark and frightening storms no longer pass through him. He is his best self most of the time, busy, creative, happy, productive, loving, helpful and encouraging. The dad I adore.
Yes, he is still a macho man. He will boldl tell any man he thinks needs to know that his “nut pill”, as he chooses to call it, has been the best thing he has done for himself and that anyone struggling with depression ought to feel no shame about trying it.
So if dad were writing to you, Jean Marc, he would put a fatherly arm around your shoulders and tell you he understands your struggle. Then he would encourage you to try medcation and anything else you can to recover. Don’t wait too long, like he did.
Blessings to you and Kristin, from Peter and Tracy (and my dad, Gary) in Minnesota.
Kristi and Jean-Marc, Remember the story of Alexander the Great who wept when there were no more worlds to conquer. Gifted children, and adults, are prone to depression between challenges. Having kids essentially grown up, and having the vineyard blooming nicely as well, may just signal that it’s time for a new impossible challenge. Our prayers are with you as you find it. Love, Imogene and Campbell
I have not stopped thinking about your situation and have sent many prayers and good energy your way….
During meditation I also sensed that JM was working too hard…that balance was part of the problem and solution. Whether our lives are miraculously rerouted, (your, mine’s, anyone’s ….) or whether the new routes come about slowly… We do know that all things, even these things, can work together for good. You have experienced this before…you will experience them again. Much love at this difficult time. You have brave transparency in your writing…and we all support you.
I’ve been a reader since the beginning. I have enjoyed and learned so much from your generous sharing of your lives, and I count you both as my friends. I’m praying for you, Kristi and Jean-Marc. My sister advises: “Don’t tell God that you have a big problem. Tell your problem that you have a Big God.”
He is big, and nothing is too terrible for him to handle.
XX
Hi Kristi,
I use a simple technique which helps me with depression, fear and any phobias I may have: EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). I see you have EFT therapists in Aix-en-Provence. Do check it out. It looks funny, it’s simple and believe me, it works. Nothing to do with religion (although I am Christian).
All the best to you and Jean-Marc!
BB, London
http://www.annuaire-therapeutes.com/praticien-eft-provence-alpes-cote-d-azur-bouches-du-rhone-aix-en-provence.html
I am so sorry about this for you…..BUT…..one has to remember that our brains are part of our physical body….and needs the help of medical help, doctors, meds, other very successful procedures. just like other procedures….which seem like miracles when the sun rises again!!! Be sure to find a good practitioner…..and the sun will rise again…Best for you and your family….SPS
Dear Jean-Marc and Kristin
As one who also has occasional bouts of depression, I know it is not easy, and there is no simple solution. You both have been in my thoughts.
Today in the mail came on of my more serious photography publications. The last essay was prefaced by a quote from Thomas Mertons:
“Paradoxically, I have found peace because I have always been dissatisfied. My moments of depression and despair turn out to be renewals, new beginnings.”
I too agree with Mark. There is no simple way to treat depression, but studies have shown that a combination of talk therapy and medication is the best prescription we have for this scourge. The key is to find a very good therapist for the former and to consult an expert pharmacologist for the latter. (Sometimes, one person may be both.) The combination of talk therapy and medication, with a very good therapist and expert pharmacological oversight, has enabled the two members of my immediate family who have suffered from chronic and severe depression to engage in life, and to really live, once again. And specifically for you, Kristi: it is critical for a person to understand that s/he cannot “fix” depression in, and cannot function as a therapist for, a spouse with depression. What s/he can do is insist that her spouse get professional help and help her spouse find the best possible professional help. With every best wish that Jean Marc gets the professional help he needs, Leslie
You have written such an important message, Nancy. Thank you for your succinct summation of what all of us need to know about depression.