I wish you cheerfulness. That is what we all need to offer and to receive. That is true courtesy which enriches everyone, beginning with the one who gives it. This is the treasure that multiplies in the exchange. We can sow it along the roads, in the tramways, in the newsstands; it won't lose one atom of itself. It will grow and flourish wherever you toss it. (French translation and credit below)
TODAY'S WORD: Recevoir
: to receive
: to entertain
ECOUTEZ/LISTEN to Jean-Marc pronounce these French words:
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Je vous souhaite la bonne humeur. Voilà ce qu'il faudrait offrir et recevoir. Voilà la vraie politesse qui enrichit tout le monde, et d'abord celui qui donne. Voilà le trésor qui se multiplie par l'échange. On peut le semer le long des rues, dans les tramways, dans les kiosques à journaux ; il ne s'en perdra pas un atome. Elle poussera et fleurira partout où vous l'aurez jetée. -Alain, Propos sur le Bonheur
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A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE
Sobriety Does Not = Foolproof Entertaining
…it equals so much more
There was a time, early in my marriage when, not knowing any better, I would prepare for a dinner party in the most exhaustive way. I would wake up that morning with no clue of what to cook–rush to the grocery store, filling my cart so high that I would have to let everyone in the line behind me pass me, par politesse. Returning home, worn out before the day began, I would put away the groceries, put away my toddlers (who were also in the grocery cart), and begin to clean my house. Having cared for the kids all day while tossing menus around in my head, I would prepare myself before preparing dinner (usually something in the pressure cooker–a metaphor for my emotional state?). I will never forget the night my English friend Caroline arrived, pausing outside my kitchen window to witness the chaotic scene: the sink was full of pans and the countertops were piled with cutting boards, utensils, vegetable scraps….
And I will never forget the day I threw a plate across the room at my husband. It was all TOO MUCH! I wanted to go home to America and let my sister resume the cooking and entertaining. I could lie on the couch and drink beer!
(Today, February 3rd, I celebrate 13 years of sobriety! May I never go back to being a beer-guzzling couch potato who dreamed of marrying a prince. Clearly God had a better plan for me. Even if–3 years into my sobriety–He put me on a vineyard and turned my husband into a winemaker! Poof!)
Challenges, challenges. Back to entertaining. It was my friend, Alicia, stockbroker by day and Malaysian Martha Stewart by night, who taught me the most precious lesson: prepare as much as you can in advance! Days in advance!
I have lost touch with my friend but I will get back with her one day – as I try to do better at maintaining my friendships (something I am not very good at. This has nothing to do with not loving my friends. It may have something to do with being "a solitude"–or a recluse or a hermit or an introvert…or an alcoholic? But we should be careful not to label one another. Don't you think? As my Mom always taught me: what you say is what you get).
Meantime, this week I reconnected with several friends – over one dinner party and one luncheon (both at my house) (both in the space of 4 days!). And while Alicia's tip has transformed my life (I use the tip for packing and more), it could not save me from The Argentinian Ants! I watched as they marched into the kitchen, foiling my best organizational plans!
Yesterday's lunch with Corey and Yann and Anne and Kirk would be a test! There was no way I could prepare the quiches ahead of time… or the ants would get to them as the pies cooled in the oven. The best strategy would be to prepare everything an hour before my guests arrived — and to sit down quickly for lunch before the meal cooled down (inviting the ant invaders)!
I won't go into the painful comedy involved in getting soup and quiche ready in under an hour – but I can tell you that by the time my friends walked up the driveway, I had ants in my pants from nerves gone haywire (and probably, simply, from having ants in my pants!)
You see, no matter how much progress I have made, I still get very disheartened over that still-elusive state of peace and calmness. You would think I would have "earned" it after practicing 13 years of sobriety. But truly, there are days I ask myself if a glass of rosé would do me more good than harm?
At those times when I wonder if a glass of rosé wouldn't be the lesser evil (compared to this tension), I tell myself this: Look back. Look back over the last 13 years. More than beginning to write, I began to pick up the pieces of that plate I threw across the room.
Still picking up the pieces, "sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly," I can now begin to fill my plate and offer the goodness to others. Ants and all.
Thank you for reading and for the encouragement you have sent in over the years. It means so much to me.
Amicalement,
Kristi
Read about yesterday's lunch and see photos at Corey's Tongue and Cheek blog (lunch entry is right here.) And thank you, Corey, I am so touched to see your post! And thank you for teaching me to make soup and quiche and to just be oneself. You are so fun to be around.
Anne and Kirk, thank you for the wonderful photos from yesterday's lunch- posted to your Facebook page or to mine
Thanks also to Sandra and Patrick for the lovely cake platter
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Oh Boy! My old image of you as a beautiful sophisticate drinking champagne only has been shattered, like the plates.
Congratulations on Your Anniversary, and many more. I too had mine on the 25th of January, 28 years. Incredible! Your beautiful writings I look forward to, and love your photographs.
getting back to sobriety, with your sharing of yourself and family, it reflects what a stable household can bring.
I too, still break plates, ( I love the Drama)LOL, but am sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, able to piece them together again and get back to a more serene emotional state.
Agreed tu es une Bijou!
What I love about your writing, Kristen, is its honesty and open-heartedness. When you share stories about your life ~ the fun and happy times, the irritations, the questioning, the wonder, yes, even the messiness of it all ~ you allow us to also know that la vie c’est magnifique! Thank you and God bless.
Kristi, you let me know you and I love you. One-way, complete love. No matter that you do not know and love me. It’s OK. -julie-
Dear Kristi,
When my mother was 65, her best friend encouraged her to walk the very difficult path to sobriety. When her friend later lost her husband, my mom was able to be there for her. My mom considered that one reason and purpose for her recovery. She managed to live the next 12 years in recovery and died at 77…too soon. It was sixty years of smoking that took her life. I gave that one up 36 years ago and have since learned that stress alone is enough to knock a person down.
Rejoice in your success and continue to fill your bountiful plate. George and I know of the goodness that comes from that plate and because of it, our cup runneth over. For that we thank you…
From a poem by Edwin Markham, an American poet:
There is a destiny that makes us brothers:
None goes his way alone:
All that we send into the lives of others
Comes back into our own.
Bravo Kristin! I am emailing this to my daughter who doesn’t have the alcohol problem, but does face planning and organization issues and resulting insecurities. And hats off to you for your 13 years of doing what is best for you even in difficult times. You are stronger than many of us and certainly more than you think.
Kristi, I have always wished that while your family was in your previous home that I would have contacted you for coffee… or lunch, I’d buy. I enjoy your writings. And, about 6 weeks out of the year we stay in Taradeau. I never made contact because when I thought about it, it would violate your privacy. At any rate I’m reacting to your admission of alcoholism. I find that interesting. First, working at a U.S. rock ‘n roll radio station in the 60’s and also involved in concert promotion in Seattle, I can say that for a few years I tried my very best to become an alcoholic. I failed. I enjoyed it a lot, but the liquid never got a hold to the point I couldn’t let go. Most of the people I worked with in those days are either dead or have been through recovery. A couple of years ago my younger brother told me he was an alcoholic and was attending about 4 AA meetings a week. We live a distance apart but I was aware that he drank a bit too much. He was a functioning drunk, but in the end went from owning a successful group of radio stations to bankruptcy. We often talked about it and some time later when he was visiting me in Olympia, WA, I went along with him to an AA meeting. When we left I told him that I observed something that maybe he hadn’t thought of and in fact many at that meeting hadn’t thought of. That is: when you can stand up and say to people, “I’m an alcoholic” (or in your case write about it openly) it has to be an impowering thing. No, it isn’t a cure of the condition but it says that you know your enemy, you can face it, and it is a beginning in taking away its power. When a person can say that, it has to be a momentous moment. First, you’ve faced the enemy but even larger, there is no longer a secret. When we have to keep secrets, it can really hurt us. That’s when I realized my relationship with my brother changed. I then understood the guy I knew, I didn’t really know because he couldn’t afford to have me know him. But once there was no secret he had to hide, all the masks fell away. When its no longer a secret, it can’t hurt you anymore and you don’t have to worry you will be exposed and hurt. But, that first time you say, “I’m an alcoholic” has to be a scary moment. But then you don’t have to be afraid anymore.
I admire you so much for sharing your struggles and insecurities. God bless….
Support you my inspiring friend! 10 years here and please keep at it! Bless you for sharing your struggles and triumphs with us, written so beautifully and with such heart. SO very proud of you. Stop, take a breath, and know you are loved by so many. x
Congratulations on 13 years! I used to cater and always thought I had to make some stupendously impressive meal. Now I just make a wonderful roasted chicken with roasted veggies and a green salad then call it good. Everyone is happy with the easy peasy meal. It is my “signature” meal and it never disappoints. Again, congratulations!
Congratulations Kristin!
What a beautiful gift to have 13 years of sobriety, a loving marriage and family and the gift of letting go of perfection to be able to enjoy the precious relationships God has placed in your path.
You seem to focus on what matters most and lasts.
Last year, you even took time to respond to my email with such comforting and kind guidance when my daughters were traveling in Marseilles. That meant so much to me and them!
Thank you for sharing yourself!
Brava Kristi! And since you brought us into your kitchen once again, how about another cooking video featuring you and Smokey?
Felicitations on your sobriety, Kristin. Bravo. And here’s to your continued entertaining success!
18 years ago my dear friend Chet died. He loved to cook and entertain. I decided to honor him by embracing that art. I subscribed to Cooking Light magazine. First I made a meal for me and my husband then invited and served it to guests. I shopped for the food on Sunday mornings, the only time I had, and friends came for Sunday dinner. I was frantic and exhausted much like you describe, trying to have the meal completed, the table set, kitchen cleaned up and myself dressed. I always left the “getting myself ready” part till last (a metaphor for MY emotional state.) I was so determined that everything be perfect. I drank wine, I smoked weed. I persevered. There were improvements. Now that my husband and I live in Paris and are retired I relish the visit to the market. I prepare much of the meal well ahead. The table is set the morning of. In the afternoon flowers are arranged, music selected, hors d’oeuvres garnished, cheeses unwrapped. Later the wine is opened, candles lit. But the best part is that I have finally realized that although our friends enjoy the meal and the ambience, it is our company they savor much more. And it’s the company of my friend Chet that I miss.
Just when I thought I couldn’t love you and your wonderful blog more! Thank you for your heartfelt writing and surtout, sharing your journey as you “cultivez votre jardin” in your corner of the world (apologies to Voltaire pour le franglais) 🙂
Congrats on 13 years! You are a fine example of what is possible in sobriety…
Kristin,
There were so many times that I heard echoes in your posts of the same principles as those on which I base my happy life, but I was never sure. Thank you for letting your readers know about your recovery and congratulations on your 13 years, one blessed day at a time.
Congratulations…and thank you for sharing your life…oh those ants, having had issues with them, my first line of defense is always chalk, white lines can often be seen in and outside my kitchen or the pathways they travel to it through the house to get there…I was once sent to China town in San Francisco for chalk and the little Chinese man explained to me in broken English and lots of arm waving, any blackboard chalk will do…
I have read your blog for a long time…don’t comment much but felt I should on this post. My husband and I have stayed in Corey & Yann’s home twice in the past few years and we met through her blog. I had no idea you were the old friend she talked about. Never put the two together. No wonder I loved your blog just as much as her’s! I reminded me of France the meal you prepared and the setting. Oh…it makes my long to come back! Peace my Friend!
Félicitations!
Your path to sobriety is like a pilgrimage to the Compostella of your mind and spirit. To coin a cliché, you ARE an inspiration!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.
You say “being a solitude – a recluse”; but I think “une solitaire” would be more apt…
I raise my glass of raspberry kombucha to you!
ANTS in you PANTry?
Talk to them. Yes, Talk to them. Visualize the queen ant. Tell her you wish for her to go outside, where you will place a dish of honey and some water in a shallow lid. Tell her you hate using poison on any living creature and would she be so kind?
I always have success with this approach. Maybe I am an ant whisperer. I think it just took believing…..
Kristi,
Living with ants in Los Angeles is normal. Borax keeps them at bay. I use a liquid called Tarro, safe for house hold use. It contains “Sodium Tetraborate, dicahydrate (Borax) andother ingrediients”. Very effective. Ants eat it and take it back to the nest. The rest is history. Good Luck.
Dear Kristin,
What a gem you are, and so brave! And your honesty truly touches my heart. It is always a joy to read your blog and to have a taste of all thing French. Life is funny really, because we all seem to have those wobbly spots where self-doubt lingers and impedes us from being something more – or simply just being special as we are. My friends all tell me that I am a fantastic cook, however if the truth be known, I loathe having to cook for a crowd if I don’t have the time to plan, relax and take it steady….the stress that I feel can be enormous!!! When I think about it, I realise that I put so much pressure on myself…for what reason exactly, I know not why….and that if I allow it, all the fun and pleasure is destroyed. Your sobriety is to be treasured and rejoiced in as you now hold the power, not the Rose!
God Bless, Stay safe and all will be well with the world.
Santé, Kristi ! No alcohol required. Congratulations on 13 years!
How many times have I heard… “It’s a God thing.” Too many times to count. I starting subscribing to FWOTD to inspire me to keep on persevering to learn French. Low and behold the author of this wonderful inspiration is in recovery too! Marveillex! Merci pour le partage. La vie eat belle. 17 anne pour moi.
What a rich, meaningful, beautiful story
All the best wishes to you 💙💚❤️☘☘☘☘
Eileen,
Thrilled to hear someone else hides stuff in the second oven.
(I know, small pleasures.)
Drives my husband crazy.
Greta