Very sorry for today's hasty letter. I'm in a hurry as I need to be in Paris by 9 a.m. for three days of community service. The authorities contacted us after the herdsman I wrote about filed a complaint. Turns out we are being prosecuted–not for misrepresentation but for empoisonnement! That punk rock shepherd I profiled in January is now claiming his herd suffered gastro-entérite–or le gastro–after grazing in our mustard pasture. (Jean-Marc had sown la moutarde as a cover crop or soil amendment before planting his vineyard.)
The fact that sheep waltzed onto OUR property to enjoy a free meal doesn't seem to faze the French police, who informed us that when we made the verbal agreement, allowing the berger's flock to feed on our land, we were unwittingly taking responsibility for the said grazers' santé.
I am trying to see the good in this even if I am reluctant head out, now, for some punitive community service. The 8-hour chore I have been assigned is absolutely surreal: le nettoyage des ossements des Catacombes ( the cleaning of the catacombs ), i.e. Paris's underground cemetery of bones.
It took a moment to understand the punishment, owing to the confusing French legalease, and misleading words such as le nettoyage de l'ossuaire municipal. ("Ossuaire" threw me, but I recognized the terms municipale and nettoyage and so assumed I was to clean the floor of Town Hall–and not a wall of skulls and femurs!)
Good news is the State is paying for my train ticket. All I am to do is to provide a personal scrub brush. (The municipal order that I received via registered mail contained a small packing list.)
- votre brosse à dents (your toothbrush)
- un flacon d'huile d'olive (a small flask of olive oil)
- le plan des Catacombes de Paris (map of Paris catacombs, see attached).
A further note–an instruction, actually–states "une goutte par tête" or "one drop per head"). I guess they'll fill me in on the rest (is the olive oil some sort of skull emollient?).
We are scheduled to meet in the underground cavern, in one of the bony tunnels . I've printed out the map of the former stone mine-come-cemetery. So much for claustrophobia! Off now to catch my train.
Amicalement,
Kristi
P.S. If they think I'm bringing my own toothbrush–get out! I'm taking Jean-Marc's. He's the one that got us into this mess! …And if you believe that you will believe today's entirely fishy story:-) Click here to learn what the French do on April 1st.
COMMENTS
Were you fooled by today's story? At what point in the letter did you know this was a blague, or joke? I'd love to know! Click here to comment.
I have never been to the Paris catacombs. Have you? Would you like to see the historic underground cemetery? Join the discussion here in the comments section.
Paris catacombs. (Photo: Michael Reeve)
FRENCH CLASSIC NET SHOPPING BAG – made and knit in France!
PARIS METRO CUFF – bracelet and handy map!
TISANES – FRENCH HERBAL TEAS – My family drinks them every night, to help drift off to sleep.
LAGUIOLE STEAK KNIVES are for sale in many of the local French market stands.
FRENCH KITCHEN TOWELS by Garnier-Thiebaut.
PARIS PEACE T-SHIRT – "so many people have stopped to ask me where I got it" -Betty.
Discover more from French Word-A-Day
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I have come to trust you like a dear friend and you had me to the end!!
Haha! I fell for the whole story, hook, line and sinker. Well done!
I fell for it and was astonished!! Thanks for the laugh!
Good one, you had me till the end!
As soon as you told us your community service was to clean the catacombs I laughed… ah hah…. April Fool`s Day or as in France and here in Québec le Poisson d’avril
You had me all along, but something kept nagging at me, kind of a “déjà-vi.”
Did you by any chance tell this one last year? :). Maybe it was just the familiarity of the story of the shepherd! Nevertheless, you got me – if you told it last year, you got me twice!!! Great April Fools Day story! Happy Easter to you and your family!!🐰
You had me until the end.
I thought, well it is France and every country has it’s own cultural view of punishment. There must be something about the French government I do not fully understand. They must have a good reason for having Kristin and others perform this specific job.
Good one!
Last time I was in Paris my husband amd I wanted to enter the catacombs, but the day was hot and the line long, so we abandoned the line and took off for a different adventure…next time we’ll get in line earlier in the day.
RB rire beau coup. My I pad refuses to type in French. It just does its own thing! But today is one of your best! Absolutely inspired!
I totally fell for this the first time! Fortunately, in spite of what my family tells me, my memory is not completely failing. Figured it out right away this time. You have a great sense of humor, Kristi. Loved Jean-Marc’s photo of the grazing sheep then, in what now must be your vineyard?
Ha ha1 You did this same thing last year, and I fell for it! Not this year, though!
Well I was fooled!!! I was reading this and thinking what are those crazy French trying to do? And how can someones sheep wandering onto your property be your responsibility? This is crazy, this is absurd! French laws make no sense!Good one Kristin. But I have a sense of having read this story before. Have you previously published it any where? Like on this blog?
I was just about to congratulate you on solidiering on with your daily word despite your trials! I’ve been had! 🙂
You stinker! I fell for the whole thing!
You had me for quite awhile, until I remembered it from another year. There were so many of your traits in this story–the apology for the hasty post, the indignation, trying to see the bright side, all the details, the French and English together. Very well done! How great to be done with March and start April with a laugh! Merci!
You are the ONLY person who successfully fooled me today. I was so vigilant all day, but read this blog post late in the evening (US Central Time) and was utterly and completely taken in. I was even preparing a note of solidarity and silver linings for you in my mind :-))
You may take this as a sign of your credibility and earnest fidelity as an author and all-around good human being. Thanks for the laugh – so creative!
Bien le bon jornee!
You got me! Totally! The first shock was that there was no beautiful picture at the top! By half way through the story, I was wondering how I had missed the earlier story (about the herdsman) and I was composing my letter of my outrage (for the authorities) in my head! Unfortunately, I think this worked so well because there are similar TRUE stories in the news every week now!
Completely fooled all the way through. And there I was thinking as I read along happily that there’s charm in everything the French do, including punishment for a moutard/mouton infringement – I was utterly delighted by the notion of your punishment being to get to go and work in the catacombs of Paris – I think the French Government should be canvassed to include this in their criminal procedure act to satisfy my holistic romantic notion of the French. The only think I couldn’t fathom was why Jean-Marc wasn’t going and you were – what a supportive marriage, I thought. Lovely moment, thank you
I was totally suckered – anything that governments do lately is totally believable – even if its bordering on lunacy…
We were totally fooled to the very end…great April Fools story…I read it a day late and that may have affected my belief in the story. That and I know how crazy the french laws can sometimes be. We travel often to France and will end this trip with ten days in the magical city of Paris. We have just spent 3 weeks in Rome (in an apartment) and are now in Florence for two weeks before heading to England for a few weeks before our visit at the end of April. I blog my trips and you might enjoy them: http://marthajans.blogspot.com
Many stories of travels in France including Christmas in 2013 in Paris. Plus many other countries around the world. We did Peru last fall after the Panama Canal. Love reading your site. You are living my dream but at 76 years of age…no time left to marry a frenchman! And, after 55 years…I’m rather hooked permanently to my friend and partner. The seven children would never understand!
I didn’t read this until April 2, but even if i’d gotten to it yesterday, I would have been fooled. Mustard plants…I was thinking, yeah, sure, mustard plants, mustard gas — it’s a dangerous substance!! And French local government — not the most reasonable bureaucracy in the world. I bought the whole thing.
I knew right away–at the end. Good story!
The train ticket being paid for by the State was my first hint that it might not be so. I wasn’t certain until you got to using your husband’s toothbrush and not your own, so pretty much the end.
Hello–recognized as plaisanterie when I read list of items that you were to bring. Had suspicions about veracity when you didn’t state that you were not allowed to defend the allegations in court before being summoned. Interestingly, I have visited the catacombs. Also, I have a true story about being locked in the Paris Metro after midnight with my newly wed wife while on Honeymoon in Europe in 1995. Sans Blague!
You got me!!!! Knowing the French the way I do your predicament was soooo believable!!! Keep up the good work!!
It sounded too good to be true! Way too much fun as a community service project. But I was the April Fool for sure. Good one, Kristin.
I’ve been a subscriber for so long I recognized this from a previous year’s post. But I loved it then and I enjoyed it just as much the second time! Linda
Yes, Linda. I recognized it too and she got me both times!
You completely had me. Judicial systems can be so weird, and your hurried format really helped. I was so relieved it was fake!
You had me
,I can’t believe I fell for this as I had just recovered from another one from my daughter telling me that she had just purchased a home for far more than she could afford. April Fool! I fretted for a day before I discovered the truth.
Betty
I was already to send you a fresh toothbrush so you would have one for when you would return. I’m not usually so gullible, but I must say you had me all the way through. I felt so bad for you that actually wanted to believe you. Great gag. Thanks for the laugh.
F U N N Y!! As bizzaro as it sounded, I still believed you to the end.
You had me all the way along! Thanks for the fun read! My husband and I really enjoyed it.
Not until you let the cat out of the bag! 🙂
I was fooled to the end! Good one!
Until the toothbrush! I visited the catacombs during one of my tours to France with students – SO glad I did it. The history is amazing. This was in the 90’s and we were told that they were on the verge of being closed due to lack of funds.
good one! you had me fooled until the very end, just when I read ” if you believe this fishy story”….
Brilliant
You rascal!!!
I believe every word. I gasped when I ready they were paying for your train ticket. I also liked the idea of community work vs monetary punishment. haha.
Ha ha ha, you had me until the end (but then again I live in the Ile de France so would believe anything could happen!!
Oh, I think this post is utterly true, and to beleive it is a joke is to deny reality.