Photo taken in Aix-en-Provence yesterday, by my son Max. Thank you for your help, the other day. Your notes led to three good housing possibilities!
se battre
: to fight
Audio File: Listen to Jean-Marc read the following quote
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Je ne suis pas d'accord avec ce que vous dites, mais je me battrai jusqu'à la mort pour que vous ayez le droit de le dire. (translation and attribution at the end of this post)
A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE… by Kristin Espinasse
Un Peu Perdue
Forgive me if the following essay is chaotic, but my mind is all over the place–which may explain why I got lost last night, on the way to pick up my 17-year-old from school… along a road I've traveled dozens of times before.
The unexpected foray into la nuit left me as anxious as I am now, typing these words to you. My thoughts chatter on just as they did while circling the unfamilar neighborhood: what if I'm losing my mind? What if I can't form thoughtful sentences? What if I annoy, offend, or bore somebody with my words, words that may be ignorant, hasty, indulgent, or simply come across the wrong way, perpetuating an even greater misunderstanding? Therein lies the risk in self-expression: le malentendu: misunderstanding.
(And now, a long and apprehensive pause at my keyboard. What to say next?)
I found my daughter. Sitting on a darkend curb across from the closed gates of her lycée. She must have been waiting an hour after her bus never came ("The roads are blocked. People are gathering all the way from the town of Six Fours to Toulon, " Jackie explained). After 10 journalists and at least 4 police were killed yesterday, in Paris, French President Holland had declaired it a day of deuil.
* * *
I first learned about Wednesday's tragedy on Facebook, via the now iconic placard: Je suis Charlie. The words were creepy at the time (was is some new horror film?), but I had not yet learned of the horrible attack at Charlie Hebdo.
As my husband, friends, and family began changing their Facebook profiles and banners to the black-n-white pancarte JE SUIS CHARLIE, news of the killings filtered into my head.
What began to worry me was the numbness: while everyone else was beating their chests in outrage, or dissolving into an ocean of tears at vigils all over the world, I was staring at my computer screen, taking in all the images and their meaning.
Just what did this all mean? And what was wrong with me? Where were my tears? Had I become a press zombie? So accustomed to reading all the horrific headlines that this one did not surprise me?
Or was I no more than an ignorant whiff of dust–naive at the very least! (or "at most"? I'm losing the sense of words, even as I type them!)
SE SERRER LES COUDES : LA SOLIDARITE
Stick together: solidarity
Soon, others' words helped me to process any locked up emotions. Ed Klinenberg's thoughts in particular:
This cowardly, horrible attack on a team of very creative French writers and artists is an attack on everyone in the world who values freedoms of all kinds, including freedom of speech, freedom to express one's thoughts, freedom to criticize society, freedom to publish, freedom to debate, freedom to associate with everyone, and other freedoms that I am too shaken up to think of at this moment! Je Suis Charlie! Vous Etes Charlie Aussi si vous etes une personne qui pense! Nous sommes tous Charlie! I strongly protest this dastardly attack on civilization. I stand with everyone who understands that we must all stand in solidarity for democracy and freedom and against demagogues who would all too gladly prefer to tell us what to think, how to act, and what to fear. The men who brought machine guns into this magazine office and slaughtered an entire team of thoughtful social critics are thugs pure and simple, and I eagerly wait for the announcement that the French police have caught them and any accomplices they may have so that all of them may be held accountable under French law for their horrible actions today in Paris.
While Ed's post helped me to process my emotions, another friend's Facebook post got my feelings so awakened they came kicking and screaming to life!
It was 6 a.m. Thursday morning when I saw that my friend–a gentle and enthusiastic supporter of my blog–posted an article on the top of my Facebook page. The article's subtitle stated that Muslims supported the attack at Charlie Hebdo.
But this was not so! Not the Muslims that I know!
I hurried to delete the update that was now the titre de séjour of my own FB page–only to learn the post was undeletable! Something about the link (to the original article) being broken meant that FB was unable to delete it. Undeterred, I hit the delete button until by index finger went raw.
Next I discovered the "Hide this post" button and began pounding that one.
But it was too late now. One hour later and another of my FB friends was now awake in France. A fifteen-year-old Muslim girl, a generous supporter of mine on Facebook. I knew she would be checking her friends' updates at this very moment, before school started–ready to encourage all her amies.
I am one such lucky amie. Every time I post a photo my young friend "likes" it. I have been deeply touched by her attention, when she must have better things to do than to support a woman three times her age–from a completely different background and faith!
Only, faith had never been an issue between us until this fateful day! What if she thinks that I endorse the article that was posted on my FB page?! And even if she knows me well enough, it hurt knowing she would see the images associated with the article. For just as it hurts me to see caricatures of Jesus–pictures of my savior holding a can of soda pop or wearing a political suit–it must hurt her to see the Muhammad cartoons.
"But you are naive! "A doctor once told me, at once belittling my faith and trying to bed me during a consultation for la grippe. As I looked away in disbelief, my eyes caught on a volume in his medical library: Kama Sutra. The book was as displaced as his comment, which has bothered me to this day:
"Faith was created for the little people. Les ignorants." he said, handing me my bill dismissively, after I'd dismissed him. I ran right home to my ailing husband (who was being treated for exhaustion and depression by the same doctor)… and I never said a word.
Never say a word. It is easier, safer, and less complicated to be silent than to journal or blog or express one's feelings. See, I told you at the opening of this essay that it might be chaotic, as all over the place as my thoughts. Just how we ended up in the doctor's office together is beyond me. But so was the FB post I was trying so desperately to hide from my young friend. More than beyond me, it was out of my control.
All that was left was to have faith (and you didn't need to be a Christian or a Muslim for that). Have faith in humanity. Have faith that a misunderstanding will lead to conversation — to a greater understanding of one another.
I may be "a little people" as my ex-doctor said–or prude or slow-witted or scared enough to tremble like a leaf at the thought of who might be unhappily reading. But none of this will shake my faith. And no journalist will have died in vain! Because no matter what it is I have to say–how little, how trite, how banal, how bright!, I have the right to say it in France today.
And chances are, if you are reading this, you too have the gift of free speech. With this comes a great responsibility: may we all choose our words with kindness and sensitivity. And if we choose them flippantly, as we are apt to do–because we are tired or lonely or scared or dissatisfied or bored or hurting–may we take the time to slow down and reconsider the truth in our hearts.
Amicalement,
Kristi
P.S. I have left out so many things: The part about how I never cared for satire (but have since opened my heart and am trying to understand it in relation to FREE SPEECH), and, most important, how one unwanted comment (that post I'd tried so desperately to delete), led me to the following understanding: in trying to erase another's words, I was inadvertantly erasing one's freedom of speech. The following quote thoughtfully expresses this idea:
I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it
(words attributed to Voltaire, and belonging to Evelyn Beatrice Hall.)
"Self expression in Italy" to end this post on a light note. Thank you very much for reading my journal. Without you, my own self-expression would be all bottled up. I am grateful and so thankful to be able to write in this journal and to share my perspective via photos.
If know of someone who might like to read today's post, thank you very much for forwarding it.
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Beautifully expressed! I simply cannot comprehend the amount of hate and rage that these terrorists have against people of other beliefs or cultural lifestyles that they would murder people over ideas, words or images on a piece of paper in this day and age. I am stunned at the brutalities they commit in the name of their “religion”. And that there are so many people joining the . . . cult(?) . . . from all over is just incomprehensible. Have we not learned anything at all from history? Have we really not come very far after all?
No matter how offensive one may find the ideas, words or images, they can simply be ignored. They might irritate you, enrage you, offend you or turn your stomach, but you can just simply choose not to read that paper, to click off the article on the internet, to change the channel or station, or not subscribe to that magazine if you don’t like what you see or hear. Sticks and stones . . .
You can tell yourself the person is an idiot and you can say you don’t agree with what you see and hear. You can debate and express your own opinions.
If you don’t like rampant consumerism, don’t participate in it yourself. Whatever it is, live your life as you wish up to the point you infringe on someone else’s right to live as they wish to live. Do unto others . . . Live and let live . . .
But, you don’t get to dictate that everyone else must hold the same radical ideas and live exactly as you tell them to. That’s just craziness!
But, something must be done to stop the insanity.
My heart is heavy with sadness from all these things that are going on. My thoughts are with the people of France and with everyone suffering horrible injustices throughout the world during these troubled times. I wish for more tolerance and peace.
I wish the heads of all religions, Christian, Muslim, Jew, would come together and issue a joint statement disavowing the calls for violence which appear in all their ‘sacred’ texts. Perhaps it could be a first step in ending the ability of extremists to do violence in the name of their religions.
The shock and pain of 9/11 did not go away for me for many months. I’m guessing it may be the same for you because vous etes Charlie Hebdo aussi. Je suis Charlie.
To add to your quote, my friends and I all say “we agree to disagree” and remain friends. Having dealt with my husband’s terrible experience on 9/11, I can only hope that the survivors and families of this terrible tragedy and indeed the whole of France join together and stand up to these terrorists. It is difficult to imagine people who are so intolerant of others, so brutal and so blind. There is good and bad among all people, but these extreme Islamic groups are simply the worst in today’s world.
My husband and I are traveling to France from South Carolina USA in early June, we look forward to thanking the French people for their courage and solidarity. Have faith and be strong.
Dearest Kristie,
I haven’t read all the comments here yet and am sure you have received much support. I want to be thoughtful and wise and say all the right things. But I think you have already. It is in the confusion, in the gaps, in the “being lost” that truth is expressed as well as in the “bon mot”. Your anguish AND your faith are felt in the swirling of your heart which you gave to us so fully and vulnerably.
We are al starved for true speech, speech that is a real expression of the Love that we really are. I don’t think there are any of us who have not jumped on a conclusion in tumultuous times in order to just grab onto something that stops the pain, that “makes sense”, so we can breathe and say, “Oh. That is me.” “That is where I stand.” Identified with someone or something so I don’t have to endure the agony of being unclear, tossed about. Alone. And then, and then. For some, like you, something else comes knocking. Something else says, “Look at this”. and off one goes again. So, forgiveness for leaping for comfort in the terrible moment. Grace abounds in your dear connection to your young reader and to all of Love. Your humanness and your sharing it with us, no matter the painful circumstance is your true hallmark. Your self-doubt is our own and by sharing it, you teach us all a little bit more about how to love those parts of ourselves we have condemned as unloveable. You are one of the angels helping the world to stop slaughtering our own thoughts and words. Much love and peace to you. Ahulani
Here is a quote from Rabbi Michael Lerner which I find helpful. Maybe it will be to you too. It goes to the intent of the speech, which is tricky business except for the person authoring it. Yet, it raises some questions of love and respect, which help me sort out my own feelings.
Rabbi Michael Lerner suggests:
“And shouldn’t free speech and individual human liberties be our
highest value? This value that is put into danger if you ask for some
kind of responsibility from comedians.” Two responses: 1. No,
individaul human liberties is not our highest value. Our highest value
is treating human beings with love, kindness, generosity, respect and
see them as embodiments of the holy, and treating the earth as sacred.
Individual liberty is a strategy to promote this highest value, but
when that liberty gets abused (as for example in demeaning women,
African Americans, gays in public discourse) we often insist that the
articulators of racism, sexism and homophobia be publicly humiliated
(not shut down, but using our free speech to vigorously challenge
theirs). 2. Free speech is not defeated when we use it to try to
marginalize hateful or demeaning speech. So lets call demeaning
speech, including demeaning humor, what it really is–an assault on
the dignity of human beings.”
Nous sommes tous Charlie. “Pray for those who spitefully use you”. As Christ prayed for those who crucified Him, so must we pray for those who persecute others in the name of religion. The same God who created us created the terrorists – they just don’t want to take the high road. We need to pray for all mankind to honor the good in us and turn away from violence, which never solves anything. The countries who suppress freedom of speech usually have their downfall. May God have mercy on us all. Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts as you are in ours. Liberte, Equalite, Fraternite. Those who insult us or our beliefs are to be pitied.
Oui, je suis Charlie aussi! I applaud those who gather today in Paris and in other cities to show their solidarity in the face of such violence and terror. I am sorry I am not in France to join them. As others have pointed out, we all need to refrain from generalizing — the few muslims I know well count among my most trusted friends — and I know they and their families are as shocked as we are. My admiration for you, Kristi, has grown even more after this excellent (and undoubtedly difficult) post. You have touched and enlightened perhaps thousands of readers. Don’t ever hold back!
.
Thank you for post. We must all stand together to support the freedoms we have.
These extremists (and others of their ilk) intend to kill us anyway. Charlie Hebdo is simply their latest excuse. The intent is always there because we are different from them. Our very existance is the ultimate provocation to them. We cannot appease them with our behavior.
Westerners cannot stop violent Muslims in the West. Only other peaceful Muslims can ever do that. Peaceful Muslims must watch their own and cooperate with authorities on intervention against bully-types. Peaceful Muslims will have to protest non-violently against violent clerics and inciters. Modern Muslim thinkers will have to make their peaceful approach’s plusses clear to their less civilized brothers.
We are assured that peaceful Muslims are the great majority. Why not make itself heard?
Thanks for your post however “all over the place” your thoughts were, they are supported by many world-wide I’m sure. I am a non-FB person but like you support everyone’s right to say what they want, when they want to. Some of that will be inappropriate and some will be hurtful but you can’t shut those out if you believe in these rights. Je suis Charlie aussi! Bon courage tout le monde.
H
Chère Kristin,
Many others have said it much better than I could – your post today was a moving personal response to the horrific murders at Charlie Hebdo and the related hosttage killings. In describing your feelings of confusion, numbness, outrage at nonsensical violence, you were able to capture the feelings of many of your francophone friends “comme moi.” I’ve never seen any of the magazine’s cartoons but I understand that their satire was equal opportunity and directed at all religions and political persuasions. As a Catholic I might have felt dismayed to see the image of Jesus Christ defaced or mocked but for someone to respond to such expression with murder in God’s name is insane. I’m not sure I would have had the courage of their convictions, nevertheless “je suis Charlie.” I grieve for France and Paris.
Bon Jour Kristen,
Je Suis Charlie!!!!!
Your post put things into perspective for most folk,probably one of the most difficult you have ever had to write.
I too struggle to understand what is going on in the World.
Surely the solution,for those people who are offended by religious satire,is not to buy the publications,But never ever think that you can shut anybody else’s freedom of expression.
Like most people my family were horrified and angry, at the events following the massacre at Charlie Hebdo,
We marched every step of the way,arm in arm,with the French people in Paris yesterday,albeit from my armchair.Trust me,that Scotland stands shoulder to shoulder with the people of Paris and indeed the whole of France at this time.
Thank you for your blogs Kristen as i am sure that they bring comfort in many ways,to many people..
Slainte Mhor
David
Liberty
Merci Kristin…bon courage..la solidarite c’est extraordinaire. Hearts, thoughts with you and all of the French people. Hugs.
Thank you for this post, Kristin. Je suis Charlie, je suis juive, je suis Américaine.
Thank you for your thoughts, Kristen. Powerful words. While I and my French husband are in the U.S. currently, we still felt the impact of it all. His children/my stepchildren are in France, as our my in-laws, and we heard blow by blow the nightmare of this week. I was so proud to see the French in such force to show those who would try to terrorize them that it didn’t work. My stepchildren and my in-laws (who are 77 and 94 years old!) marched on the streets too. My poor husband who was absent from it all created a “Je Suis Charlie” banner and hung it by our U.S. home mail box. No doubt my neighbors thought we were nuts but if it made him feel connected to France then it was fine with me. I’m not happy, of course, that our President or VP didn’t show up with the other world leaders. Shame on us.
…Regarding “Judy” who felt my words were spewing political venom at a time that was not appropriate–I will not relinquish my freedom to speak to you or anyone. If you do the same thing over and over you get the same results. That evening they showed a terrorist instructing a young boy to execute two hostages. It just keeps happening! At some point a new tact must be taken and ‘yes’ it involves politics…so don’t be too quick to judge others for their comments. I feel horrible for what has happened to the French people and admire their response, Judy…got it?
Kristi–
I have been off the ‘net for a while, so my response is late; I hope not too late for you to see this. Your comments today were perfect, and reflect in many ways my own feelings upon hearing the news of the massacre.
I had one thought when reading, though, and a comment above made me think I should write. Ken Boyd wrote “Hello I am appalled to see you have tried to censor a writer because you disagree with him.” You were bothered because by deleting someone’s posting on YOUR facebook page, you were erasing their freedom of speech.
Please think of it this way: we are blessed to have the freedom to have facebook pages where we can express our beliefs. Your facebook page, and this blog, are like your living room. You support that person’s right to have HIS facebook page and to say what he wants on HIS facebook page, but he doesn’t have the right to come into your living room and shout whatever he wants.
Imagine if instead of “Je Suis Charlie,” I were to write that the massacre was just a good start. That’s a horrendous statement that I could barely write, but Voltaire would defend to the death my right to say it. If I kept showing up in the comments to your blog saying monstrous things like that, you’d certainly be justified in blocking me from commenting, or deleting every one of those awful comments–because it is YOUR BLOG. I have the right to free speech on my own blog.
I’m not expressing myself very well, but I just wanted you to feel entitled to protect yourself and your space–that’s not a question of freedom of speech; it’s a question of self-respect.