Photo (by Pascale Gauthier) of our wedding anniversary dinner, here at home.
AVOIR LES CROCS
: to have the munchies (a sudden desire to snack)
A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE… by Kristin Espinasse
The following story was written in 2014…
On Friday night 45 of our closest friends came over for a sit-down dinner to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. Jean-Marc and I weeded our front yard, dusted our window shutters (Spiderwebs? Really?), and rented tables and chairs from the Mairie.
Lesson no. 1: Etaler. (Spread out.)
As the guests arrived, I quickly saw what a bad idea it was for the boys to have set the hors-d'oeuvres table on an incline. Not wanting to question our son's 19-year old friends (who we hired to help)–and seeing their pride in their new jobs–I turned a blind eye and hoped for the best. And the guests did their best to cling together at the edge of the drinks table, with only one or two tumbling off the little hill every now and then.
Lesson no. 2: Impose-Toi! (Butt in!)
Because I'm jittery, Jean-Marc insisted he would take care of the party details. So when the hors d'oeuvres arrived–unassembled, in three giant ice buckets (were those tortillas for the spreads? If so which?)–my husband told me to leave it for the boys to work out. "If they have a question, they'll call Vava and Laurent (our friends/caterers)!"
Only, when Vava arrived for the party, she quietly pointed out the ratatouille (in dainty plates across the hors d'oeuvres table) was not for cocktail hour–it was for the main course.
Lesson no. 3: Fourchettes, pas cuillières! (Forks not spoons!)
Finally seated, Jean-Marc announced to our 45 guests it was time to pick up our plates and head to the banquet–where the lamb and accompaniments awaited us. Sort of….
We watched as the men at the fire pit handed over plates of roasted meat, but where was the ratatouille? Quick, grab it from the tables in the backyard and dart back to the buffet–scrape, scrape, scrape. Now where were the serving spoons?
Whoops, spoke to soon–I meant forks! Run back to the kitchen and get fourchettes so the guests will quit trying to fling the meat from platter to plate with the help of two slippery spoons!
Lesson 4: On Mange à Table! (We eat at the table!)
All calmed down now, with full tummies, I noticed how some of the guests were getting tipsy…. All those special cuvées Jean-Marc brought out–including a 1994 Chateauneuf-du-Pape (grapes we picked before our marriage) had not gone to waste!
Jean-Marc now stood swaying, eating his ice cream behind me as I sat sober as a splash of water, talking to old friends. But every now and then my arm flew up to swat at my husband–who was dripping bright red cassis sorbet as he leaned over me and my new dress!
Lesson 5: Commander un bon DJ. (Hire a good DJ.)
When an uncomfortably-long lull had us lingering at the dinner tables, I wondered Where has Jean-Marc disappeared to?
"He's fiddling with the sound system," someone explained. Finally, guests began trickling down to the boules court, where a dusty dance floor awaited.
And awaited… and awaited. The music just wasn't doing it, and it was either the fault of Jean-Marc's smartphone (some music system!) or the fact that all those "request songs" we'd asked our guests for made for lousy dance material.
My poor husband now stood swaying on the dance floor until two lit girls and a faithful old friend joined in. I could no longer stand staring from the sidelines with the audience; it was time to buck up, disengage from the gawkers, and join the offbeat dancers.
Jean-Marc reached out for me, grabbing my hand and twirling me around a few times, when I stopped to whisper in his ear: "No one wants to dance!" I murmured, so as not to utter my true thoughts: they think our party sucks!
"Well," he said–the sparkle in his eyes melting me inside–"then they'll all go home earlier." With that he laughed, a little tipsy, and twirled me around and around. I was charmed by Jean-Marc's words. He was clearly remembering my aversion to all-night parties. And he was telling me, in his own way, that he didn't have to party all night either… but could be happy twirling his sweetheart around and around… till the party poopers went home.
Though my husband's words encouraged me (the only real party pooper in the group), it was still painfully embarrassing to be dancing with the awkward quartet, before a group of gawkers (who were only feeling awkward themselves, given the beat just wasn't calling them forth)… So when the current song ended I wiggled my way, as discreetly as possible, off the dance floor and into the kitchen to check on things.
The counter tops were inch-deep with liquid from all the dirty wineglasses. I now had a perfect excuse to be absent from the doomed dance floor. If anyone questioned my disappearance, I could cite "the flood on the kitchen counter." But once the water was sopped up, back out to the dance floor I went.
You wouldn't believe the change of scene: disco fever had struck! The men and woman gyrated, twirled, and bucked back and forth across the dusty boules court. Dancing queens every one of them! Our friend Cyril (a former DJ) had thoughtfully taken over. Yahoo!
Lesson no. 5: La Nuit Blanche ne Tue Pas! (A sleepless night won't kill you!)
By 3:30 in the morning the dance floor was still going strong, but I was not. Worried about my neighbors, worried about my dogs (stranded on the balcony above us) and itching to call it a night, I watched nervously as the party carried on and on… right on into our kitchen.
Apparently our guests had an attack of the munchies! Plates of leftovers were pulled from the fridge. And the freezer was raided for leftover ice cream.
But like a biblical Martha, I busied myself in the kitchen, trying to scrape melted cheese from the wicker platter (19-year-old boys didn't put a plastic sheet down first). Frustrated and wondering when the party would end–by 5 am or 6 or 7 — noon?) I scraped at the braided bunch of cheesy wicker, finally shoving it aside.
Returning to the small crowd, I studied all the bright faces (5 or 6 friends remained). I noticed people enjoying life. Life was not some number. It wasn't "3 am" or two hours later, or the next day. Life was now, here for the taking. Why not grab it?
* * *
The next day my mother-in-law lost consciousness. I am quickly finishing this story so I can drive to Marseilles to sit by her bedside. What's important in life? I don't know, but I am learning.
* * *
I am beginning to think my husband is a much nicer person than I. For when–at that melt-down moment at 4:30 am–I said to him "They're still here!" He looked at me and, with a smile, he said, "they are having a good time at the party."
* * *
I am learning, from friends and my husband, that what's important in life is that we help others to have a good time at the party.
Thanks for your thoughts for my dear belle-mère. (Three years after writing this post, and my mother-in-law is doing very well.)
Jean-Marc, thank you for twenty years together. I have learned so much by your side.
EMBRYOLISSE cream – used by French grandmothers and makeup artists
FRENCH GOURMET ITEMS – including herbs, mustard, coffee, tisane, chocolate, cakes
FRENCH SHOPPING BAG – made and knit in France!
PARIS METRO CUFF – Unique bracelet with a map of the Paris metro!
WORDS IN A FRENCH LIFE: Lessons in Love and Language from the South of France
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Dear Kristin and Jean-Marc,
Happy Aniversary! and what a lovely picture of you both 20 years ago.
Bissous
Angela
Dear Kristin and Jean-Marc,
Happy Aniversary! and what a lovely picture of you both 20 years ago.
Bissous
Angela
Kristi, I had butterflies while reading the first part of your story, but knew your 20th anniversary party (congratulations!) would be a huge success! I could feel the beat! Now my heart goes out to you and Jean-Marc; may your belle-mère sail through these troubled waters.
Kristi, I had butterflies while reading the first part of your story, but knew your 20th anniversary party (congratulations!) would be a huge success! I could feel the beat! Now my heart goes out to you and Jean-Marc; may your belle-mère sail through these troubled waters.
Hi Kristin!
You and I are alot alike. Maybe people pleasers are like that. We just want to make sure everyone is enjoying themselves and everything goes smoothly. I am always worrying at the expense of my own enjoyment of things. Everything always work out and your guests obviously had a wonderful time! I love Jean Marc’s comment! 🙂 Relax and enjoy your wine tasting guests on the 12th. I will be praying for your mother-in-law! I hope things are looking up for her!
Hi Kristin!
You and I are alot alike. Maybe people pleasers are like that. We just want to make sure everyone is enjoying themselves and everything goes smoothly. I am always worrying at the expense of my own enjoyment of things. Everything always work out and your guests obviously had a wonderful time! I love Jean Marc’s comment! 🙂 Relax and enjoy your wine tasting guests on the 12th. I will be praying for your mother-in-law! I hope things are looking up for her!
Happy Anniversary. What a beautiful evening…a good husband, you have. I hope that your belle mere gets better soon.
Happy Anniversary. What a beautiful evening…a good husband, you have. I hope that your belle mere gets better soon.
Happy Anniversary ! Life is what you experience moment by moment. Now – not thoughts about yesterday or fears/worries/plans for tomorrow. John Kabat-Zinn has written loads on ‘mindfulness.’ Bonne chance et bon courage pour votre belle-mere –
Happy Anniversary ! Life is what you experience moment by moment. Now – not thoughts about yesterday or fears/worries/plans for tomorrow. John Kabat-Zinn has written loads on ‘mindfulness.’ Bonne chance et bon courage pour votre belle-mere –
Prayers from Ohio for your Mother-in-Law.
I enjoyed your post so much, we have all been there.
Prayers from Ohio for your Mother-in-Law.
I enjoyed your post so much, we have all been there.
Dear Kristin:
What a flood of dichotomous emotions you have experienced. Anticipation, jitters, agitation, excitement, butterflies, exhaustion, anxiety, joy… I too suffer from the inability to just let go and fully be in the moment at grand events such as yours was. sigh….
Yet, your anniversary was definitely a success, and it’s so wonderful you could see the beauty in it at the end. Jean-Marc is surely your (im)perfect soul mate- the best kind! 😉
========
And then… what sadness… I feel yours and Jean-Marc’s pain in my heart over the news of your beloved belle-mere. I have always immensely enjoyed your stories whenever gentle, yet feisty, Michèle-France would be in them. I pray that she recovers soon.
Loving thoughts toward all…
Alisa
Dear Kristin:
What a flood of dichotomous emotions you have experienced. Anticipation, jitters, agitation, excitement, butterflies, exhaustion, anxiety, joy… I too suffer from the inability to just let go and fully be in the moment at grand events such as yours was. sigh….
Yet, your anniversary was definitely a success, and it’s so wonderful you could see the beauty in it at the end. Jean-Marc is surely your (im)perfect soul mate- the best kind! 😉
========
And then… what sadness… I feel yours and Jean-Marc’s pain in my heart over the news of your beloved belle-mere. I have always immensely enjoyed your stories whenever gentle, yet feisty, Michèle-France would be in them. I pray that she recovers soon.
Loving thoughts toward all…
Alisa
My thoughts and prayers are with your belle-mere. Please write an update soon on her condition. I can certainly identify with your story of the anniversary party, as I also do not enjoy planning and organizing parties. Preparing for my son’s 5th birthday party this past weekend took two busy days of preparations, and many jitters. Everything was perfect (well, almost), but I was left feeling happily exhausted. At least we don’t host many such parties, which makes me appreciate the moment, as you say, whenever we do venture into that territory. Happy anniversary, Krisin and Jean-Marc!
My thoughts and prayers are with your belle-mere. Please write an update soon on her condition. I can certainly identify with your story of the anniversary party, as I also do not enjoy planning and organizing parties. Preparing for my son’s 5th birthday party this past weekend took two busy days of preparations, and many jitters. Everything was perfect (well, almost), but I was left feeling happily exhausted. At least we don’t host many such parties, which makes me appreciate the moment, as you say, whenever we do venture into that territory. Happy anniversary, Krisin and Jean-Marc!
Dear Kristin,
Happy Anniversary to you and Jean-Marc! May your life together continue to be enriched with kindness, love and adventure.
Life can take us from joy to concern and back again in what may seem like a matter of moments. Our hearts are with you both and prayers with your dear belle-mere~
Dear Kristin,
Happy Anniversary to you and Jean-Marc! May your life together continue to be enriched with kindness, love and adventure.
Life can take us from joy to concern and back again in what may seem like a matter of moments. Our hearts are with you both and prayers with your dear belle-mere~
p.s. I wanted to add that Mas des Brun looks so lovely! With each new picture you post, I see your personalities shining through more and more! De toute beauté! ~Alisa 🙂
p.s. I wanted to add that Mas des Brun looks so lovely! With each new picture you post, I see your personalities shining through more and more! De toute beauté! ~Alisa 🙂
Kristin,
Your party sounds wonderful to me 🙂 I love that you are so honest with your feelings, and you observe people and learn from what you see. You noticed that people were “enjoying life” and decided that was what was important. Happy Anniversary to you and Jean-Marc!
Sandy
Kristin,
Your party sounds wonderful to me 🙂 I love that you are so honest with your feelings, and you observe people and learn from what you see. You noticed that people were “enjoying life” and decided that was what was important. Happy Anniversary to you and Jean-Marc!
Sandy
Happy anniversary. A deservedly grand celebration and served liberally with humor. Please keep us posted about your belle mere, our thoughts and best wishes.
Happy anniversary. A deservedly grand celebration and served liberally with humor. Please keep us posted about your belle mere, our thoughts and best wishes.
Kristi, thank you for twenty years together. I have learned so much by your side =)
Love
Kristi, thank you for twenty years together. I have learned so much by your side =)
Love
Kristin:
Happy Anniversary! Thank you for a delightful story. Having thrown many parties, I smiled about the food and dancing…seeing myself in your story.
Kristin:
Happy Anniversary! Thank you for a delightful story. Having thrown many parties, I smiled about the food and dancing…seeing myself in your story.
Happy Anniversary! And prayers for your family and belle-mere. A little quote I posted on the door in my mother’s little house when I cared for her during her illness: “Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, it empties today of its strengths.” ~ Corrie ten Boom My mom has since passed, but the quote card still remains, as I often find I need this gentle reminder. My thoughts are with you at this time of mixed happy and sad emotions.
Happy Anniversary! And prayers for your family and belle-mere. A little quote I posted on the door in my mother’s little house when I cared for her during her illness: “Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, it empties today of its strengths.” ~ Corrie ten Boom My mom has since passed, but the quote card still remains, as I often find I need this gentle reminder. My thoughts are with you at this time of mixed happy and sad emotions.
I’m praying for your belle-mère. And I rejoice with/for you on your anniversair I’ve loved reading the evolution of your love story.
I’m praying for your belle-mère. And I rejoice with/for you on your anniversair I’ve loved reading the evolution of your love story.
Lovely picture of your wedding party. It too ( along with your story) reminds me to take time to enjoy life as it is, not necessarily as we want it.
You have a lovely home and family. Kuddos to Jean-Marc for once again making life worth living.
I hope your mother-in-law is well now. Please update us as many of us feel like part of your family.
Wishing you and your family another wonderful twenty years.
Lovely picture of your wedding party. It too ( along with your story) reminds me to take time to enjoy life as it is, not necessarily as we want it.
You have a lovely home and family. Kuddos to Jean-Marc for once again making life worth living.
I hope your mother-in-law is well now. Please update us as many of us feel like part of your family.
Wishing you and your family another wonderful twenty years.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I hope your belle-mère returns to good health!
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I hope your belle-mère returns to good health!
Best wishes and good health to your belle-mère, Kristi.
Best wishes and good health to your belle-mère, Kristi.
Happy anniv’ Kristin—do wish your husband on my behalf.
Your home looks lovely in the picture.
Hope you ma-in-law is better.
Take care.
Love, Rina.
Happy anniv’ Kristin—do wish your husband on my behalf.
Your home looks lovely in the picture.
Hope you ma-in-law is better.
Take care.
Love, Rina.
What a beautiful love story!!!!!! So happy for you both 🙂
What a beautiful love story!!!!!! So happy for you both 🙂
Bon anniversaire de mariage!
Bon anniversaire de mariage!
kristin….the photos and story looked like something out of a true life fairy tale…the beautiful tables in the garden with your lovely home…your wedding photo ! it was such fun to read about the evening…what a success !! anyone who has ever given a party has shared your feelings…not many are as ambitious as you and jean- marc..45 guests !!! congratulations and the very best wishes for the next 20 years! i do hope your mother- in -law is doing better…anita
kristin….the photos and story looked like something out of a true life fairy tale…the beautiful tables in the garden with your lovely home…your wedding photo ! it was such fun to read about the evening…what a success !! anyone who has ever given a party has shared your feelings…not many are as ambitious as you and jean- marc..45 guests !!! congratulations and the very best wishes for the next 20 years! i do hope your mother- in -law is doing better…anita
Kristin:
I think we are all still learning what is important in life!Sometimes it’s hard to embrace the moment.Sounds like a lovely evening.
Sending prayers for your mother-in-law.
Edie from Savannah
Kristin:
I think we are all still learning what is important in life!Sometimes it’s hard to embrace the moment.Sounds like a lovely evening.
Sending prayers for your mother-in-law.
Edie from Savannah
Dear Kristin,
Happy Anniversary and thank you for sharing your highs … and your lows … with all your faithful readers. May you have many more years of happiness together, and my prayers are with your mother-in-law.
Gabrielle
Los Angeles
Dear Kristin,
Happy Anniversary and thank you for sharing your highs … and your lows … with all your faithful readers. May you have many more years of happiness together, and my prayers are with your mother-in-law.
Gabrielle
Los Angeles