"This one's for you!" (pictured: that's me with the cake, my husband, right, gets all the wine around here–even when we lived on a vineyard, where wine all but flowed from the garden hose.)
A (Very Special) DAY IN A FRENCH …by Kristi Espinasse
Yesterday a delicate and meaningful milestone quietly passed. Waking up, I searched for a way to respectfully acknowledge the date, lest it pass as another ordinary day. Quietly walking out to the bedroom terrace, I looked around at the countryside. As far as the eye could see, there was greenery: olive and almond trees, the forest, and the sea.
It was a relief to wake with a clear head and no regrets. Breathing in the morning scent, I closed my eyes. Now was the time. I offered up the simple acknowledgment, and thanks. There was a moment of complete and utter silence, and then seagulls cried in the distance. A train passed, blowing its horn. The neighbor's dogs barked. My robe sagged, and I reached down to tighten the belt. It was both an ordinary and an extraordinary day.
"You can take me to lunch," I hinted to Jean-Marc, both reminding him of the important date—and suggesting how he might help me to mark the occasion.
"How about with a big glass of cognac?" he chuckled.
"That is NOT funny!" No matter how many times I tell him that such jokes, given the circumstance, are in bad taste, he cannot help himself.
"OK, then how about a six-pack?" my husband continued.
"T'es terrible!"
"I'm very proud of you," Jean-Marc assured me, planting a kiss on my lips. His tenderness provoked flashbacks of years ago, when I would discover little notes stuck in a book I was reading or in the pocket of my robe.
"Çela fait dix jours. Continue, Mon Amour… That makes ten days. Keep it up, My Love," the encouragements read, and "Trois semaines! Fier de toi, Ma Chérie! Three weeks now! So proud of you, My Dear!"
The scribbled notes were encouraging but had I foreseen the future, I might not have had the guts to continue on the new path, not knowing that some of the rockiest parts were just around the corner. The hand-written notes would stop. The sores would begin to open.
A decade has passed and I am still on that fragile path; despite all the setbacks, I have never once veered off track. And even if I wouldn't be celebrating the 10-year mark with a glass of champagne, I was looking forward to eating out with my husband.
Only, when my daughter ran up, asking to bring a friend home for lunch, plans changed. Five months at the new school, and she, too, had passed a delicate milestone: the courage to invite a new friend home!
Well, at least I no longer have to fret about what to wear to the restaurant! The positive thoughts continued as I set about tidying the house, and preparing for my daughter's special lunch.
But as I hurried to fix up the house for our important guest, I felt a familiar rush of panic. There won't be time to finish the cleaning AND to get the meal started. Recognizing the anxiety—that old foe that I could not cope with ten years ago—I was able to put a stop to it. No, there wouldn't be time if I insisted on a perfect outcome. But there was plenty of time otherwise!
What was important, after all, wasn't how the house looked or what we ate, it was how our guest would feel. I wanted Jackie's friend to experience that good and cozy and welcoming feeling and to leave with a desire to return!
"Promise to come back and see us?" I said, kissing my daughter's friend goodbye after lunch.
"Oui!" came the shy response.
Noticing the look in the young lady's eyes it seemed a guardian angel was smiling back at me. If I had gone to the restaurant to celebrate and be pampered, I would have missed this heavenly encounter.
At the end of the day Jean Marc presented me with a gift. Gently tapping on the door to the bedroom, where I had been putting away a stack of freshly folded clothes, he curled his finger several times, signaling to me to follow him.
I was a little leery of whatever he was dragging me out to see. After polyester pajamas, discount branch shredders, and T-shirts I could never wear in public, I never knew what kind of gift was up his sleeves.
"Will I like it?" I asked, nervously, letting my husband lead me by the sleeve.
Opening the front door, I saw the little cherry tree posed just beyond the welcome mat, like a gushing guest. I looked closely at the delicate, leafless branches. The tiny buds were burgeoning.
"Congratulations!" Jean-Marc said. "I'm so proud of you!"
The burgeoning continued, inside of me, as teardrops surfaced like the little buds of the cherry tree. Fragile as its branches, my sobriety continues.
Update: February 3rd, 2019, I celebrated 16 years of sobriety.
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Chère Kristin,
Congratulations! Tears came when I grasped the significance of this morning’s post. You are so brave, so generous, and so beautiful! We love you and will celebrate with you today. Be happy! You deserve it!
Johanna DeMay
Albuquerque, NM
Chère Kristin,
Congratulations! Tears came when I grasped the significance of this morning’s post. You are so brave, so generous, and so beautiful! We love you and will celebrate with you today. Be happy! You deserve it!
Johanna DeMay
Albuquerque, NM
joining in the chorus of congratulations and felicitations on this milestone. always look forward to reading your stories.
joining in the chorus of congratulations and felicitations on this milestone. always look forward to reading your stories.
Who knew? Inspiring testimony. thank you Kristin.
Who knew? Inspiring testimony. thank you Kristin.
You are amazing – truly you are! Thank you for your gifts to all of us – your writing and photos delight so many.
The delicate buds you speak of are so adored for their exquisite sensitivity.
You are amazing – truly you are! Thank you for your gifts to all of us – your writing and photos delight so many.
The delicate buds you speak of are so adored for their exquisite sensitivity.
Here is that poem’s placement on the web:
http://mfourlbyhfourepoetry.wordpress.com/2013/02/06/a-poem-about-alcohol-beverages-drinking/
Here is that poem’s placement on the web:
http://mfourlbyhfourepoetry.wordpress.com/2013/02/06/a-poem-about-alcohol-beverages-drinking/
Very tough choice to make, to live the life you could lead if you were sober. Very proud of you for continuing to make that decision, every minute of every day. Hearty congratulations!
Very tough choice to make, to live the life you could lead if you were sober. Very proud of you for continuing to make that decision, every minute of every day. Hearty congratulations!
How marvelous. God has given you courage, strength, honesty, talent, and a loving heart- and husband. You are a rich woman, my dear. This story , so beautifully written, is so heartfelt and precious. May God continue to bless you. Thank you for sharing. Congratulations .
How marvelous. God has given you courage, strength, honesty, talent, and a loving heart- and husband. You are a rich woman, my dear. This story , so beautifully written, is so heartfelt and precious. May God continue to bless you. Thank you for sharing. Congratulations .
Chère Kristin–I have recently rediscovered you on a more regular basis and now I understand why. I have also of late let French back into my life, having majored in it in college 20+ yrs ago. It was always such a huge part of my life. Now I have resigned from my job to pursue graduate level work in it. I have been a subscriber of your newsletter “French-Word-A-Day” for I don’t know how long…and read it off and on (as time w/work & 2 daughters permitted)…I always enjoyed it. I do relate to your story on a certain level. I understand perfectionism & letting that go with age & wisdom. Je te comprends…pardon me for being so bold as to use “tu”, but I feel I know you! I just watched your youtube video the other day (you at the Shakespeare Co.)… Please know: I am now and forever a devoted fan! Amitiés, Debbie Z.
Chère Kristin–I have recently rediscovered you on a more regular basis and now I understand why. I have also of late let French back into my life, having majored in it in college 20+ yrs ago. It was always such a huge part of my life. Now I have resigned from my job to pursue graduate level work in it. I have been a subscriber of your newsletter “French-Word-A-Day” for I don’t know how long…and read it off and on (as time w/work & 2 daughters permitted)…I always enjoyed it. I do relate to your story on a certain level. I understand perfectionism & letting that go with age & wisdom. Je te comprends…pardon me for being so bold as to use “tu”, but I feel I know you! I just watched your youtube video the other day (you at the Shakespeare Co.)… Please know: I am now and forever a devoted fan! Amitiés, Debbie Z.
Hello Kristin!
Deepest and warmest congratulations to you!
And… welcome to this symbolic cherry tree!
In all your writing we can feel that love is all around you.
Lucky you! And though I know you only through your much read blog, I do know you deserve this love!!
Do take care & thank you once again for this lesson of humility, bravery and strength.
ps : shall I confess I am addicted to your blog??
Hello Kristin!
Deepest and warmest congratulations to you!
And… welcome to this symbolic cherry tree!
In all your writing we can feel that love is all around you.
Lucky you! And though I know you only through your much read blog, I do know you deserve this love!!
Do take care & thank you once again for this lesson of humility, bravery and strength.
ps : shall I confess I am addicted to your blog??
Thanks for being such an inspiration and reminding us to always treasure and appreciate all of the little things in life. It’s these little things that seem to carry us through life day by day. Congratulations on your milestone!
Thanks for being such an inspiration and reminding us to always treasure and appreciate all of the little things in life. It’s these little things that seem to carry us through life day by day. Congratulations on your milestone!
Blessed anniversary to you, Kristin. Your honest stories make us like you. Your courageous honesty makes us love you.
Gail
Blessed anniversary to you, Kristin. Your honest stories make us like you. Your courageous honesty makes us love you.
Gail
Life is so daunting, Kristin. I thought I was reading something between the lines, felt something, but let it always pass. Go get ’em girlfriend, for that is what you have been to your readers. You are a beacon of so many virtues to us, your readers. What an inspiring lady. I wish you all the very best, and wish just the same to your special family too for this continuing journey.
Kristin, you rock!
Susan
Life is so daunting, Kristin. I thought I was reading something between the lines, felt something, but let it always pass. Go get ’em girlfriend, for that is what you have been to your readers. You are a beacon of so many virtues to us, your readers. What an inspiring lady. I wish you all the very best, and wish just the same to your special family too for this continuing journey.
Kristin, you rock!
Susan
Congratulations Kristin,
I just started reading your blog in 2012 as my sister, son and daughter-in-law, and myself are coming to France in May 2013. I foolishly thought I might be able to speak a little French by then but know it was a pipe dream. Mai’s out, just words here and there. However, I love your blog and know I would love your memoir if it gets done so please keep on trying. For some reason I never saw a picture of you yet but love the one today of you and your adorable husband. Thanks for posting it. A gift of buds on a branch would be such an insightful gift. One to treasure! Au revoir Georgane
Congratulations Kristin,
I just started reading your blog in 2012 as my sister, son and daughter-in-law, and myself are coming to France in May 2013. I foolishly thought I might be able to speak a little French by then but know it was a pipe dream. Mai’s out, just words here and there. However, I love your blog and know I would love your memoir if it gets done so please keep on trying. For some reason I never saw a picture of you yet but love the one today of you and your adorable husband. Thanks for posting it. A gift of buds on a branch would be such an insightful gift. One to treasure! Au revoir Georgane
Salut Kristin,
C’est une grande exploit., mon amie
I also quit a little over four years ago after contributing to making the breweries add night shifts to meet to demands. Ha!
À bientôt
Salut Kristin,
C’est une grande exploit., mon amie
I also quit a little over four years ago after contributing to making the breweries add night shifts to meet to demands. Ha!
À bientôt
Happy 10 year and many more you are a very gifted writer and you keep alive my love of France and the French language everyday. God bless you.
Happy 10 year and many more you are a very gifted writer and you keep alive my love of France and the French language everyday. God bless you.
So many tributes. What could I possibly add? Like so many others I have read this blog for several years without knowing of this struggle. Both the skin issues and this- you are an amazing woman. Bon Courage!
JM est un homme de la chance!
So many tributes. What could I possibly add? Like so many others I have read this blog for several years without knowing of this struggle. Both the skin issues and this- you are an amazing woman. Bon Courage!
JM est un homme de la chance!
Kristin,
Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us, your faithful followers! As time goes by, and now with this new revelation, I see more and more how profoundly your gifts and your strength affect us all. Please know that you have the love and support of so many, and please just keep doing what you’re doing…one day at a time.
Debbie
Kristin,
Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us, your faithful followers! As time goes by, and now with this new revelation, I see more and more how profoundly your gifts and your strength affect us all. Please know that you have the love and support of so many, and please just keep doing what you’re doing…one day at a time.
Debbie
Your post touched me deeply as my father never could defeat his demons and stay sober. Thank you for having the courage to share a very private detail with all of your devoted readers. Happy Anniversary…and many more.
Your post touched me deeply as my father never could defeat his demons and stay sober. Thank you for having the courage to share a very private detail with all of your devoted readers. Happy Anniversary…and many more.
Joyous anniversaire.
Joyous anniversaire.
What a priviledge it is to be part of the tribe of your readers. You often make my day, but today your beauty and strength humbles and amazes me.
What a priviledge it is to be part of the tribe of your readers. You often make my day, but today your beauty and strength humbles and amazes me.
Sobriety is a gift of love you give to yourself, your family, your close friends, and now your admiring readers. Your candor inspires us all to deal head-on with our excesses. Thank you for reaching out and moving us. Congratulations, Kristin, for achieving your 10-year milestone.
You write like honey; we await installments for your memoir. LOVE.
Sobriety is a gift of love you give to yourself, your family, your close friends, and now your admiring readers. Your candor inspires us all to deal head-on with our excesses. Thank you for reaching out and moving us. Congratulations, Kristin, for achieving your 10-year milestone.
You write like honey; we await installments for your memoir. LOVE.
Happy 10 years. MOST awesome! An anniversary to celebrate, for sure!
Thank you for your blog. It’s wonderful. Your commitment to delivering it to your readers is amazing AND appreciated.
Happy 10 years. MOST awesome! An anniversary to celebrate, for sure!
Thank you for your blog. It’s wonderful. Your commitment to delivering it to your readers is amazing AND appreciated.
Thank you for sharing your private struggle. It is beautifully written. Your courage is inspiring. Keep cherishing your life. There is so much more to come.
Thank you for sharing your private struggle. It is beautifully written. Your courage is inspiring. Keep cherishing your life. There is so much more to come.
Congratulations dear Kristi! Your trials and tribulations have made you the writer you are today. Look at all the love and inspiration you evoke in others. Here’s to ten times ten more years . . . can’t wait to see the finished project. I believe you in you, your husband and family believe in you, all your readers believe in you. Here’s to the innumerable, countless others who will be touched by your inspiring writing and deep emotional stories. Oh to be so loved – what a gift! Miss you so much, xx R
Congratulations dear Kristi! Your trials and tribulations have made you the writer you are today. Look at all the love and inspiration you evoke in others. Here’s to ten times ten more years . . . can’t wait to see the finished project. I believe you in you, your husband and family believe in you, all your readers believe in you. Here’s to the innumerable, countless others who will be touched by your inspiring writing and deep emotional stories. Oh to be so loved – what a gift! Miss you so much, xx R
♫ ♫ Bonne anniversaire!!! ♫ ♫ Keep it up! What a tremendous accomplishment because you also live on a vineyard! February 1st was 12 years of no smoking for me!
I love your blog and look forward to it.
♫ ♫ Bonne anniversaire!!! ♫ ♫ Keep it up! What a tremendous accomplishment because you also live on a vineyard! February 1st was 12 years of no smoking for me!
I love your blog and look forward to it.