troisième age

Nyons (c) Kristin Espinasse
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troisième age (twa zee em ahze)

: senior citizen

 

Sound File:
(a little behind the scenes clip today in which I demonstrate to Jean-Marc how I want him to pronounce today’s phrase. Can you hear him tell me “(why not) do it yourself, then” (fait le toi-même): Listen Download Wav file or  Download MP3

A quel âge commence le troisième âge?
Senior citizen. At what age does one become a senior citizen?
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A Day in a French Life… by Kristin Espinasse

“Elvis in ancient France”

Ah, if only you could have seen me dance! My mother-in-law sighs as we walk arm in arm in the land of olives: Nyons, France.

J’étais fine comme un haricot! You can’t imagine it. Je dansais! Mais JE DANSAIS! My belle-mère insists.

“Careful! Hold on! Use the arm rail!,” I order my belle-mère, who responds with one of the many moxie mouthing offs that she carries up her stubborn sleeve, even in sleeveless summertime:

Ne me fais pas crier Manon dans toutes les langues!” she barks, soliciting stares from passersby. What they don’t know is that the loose-lipped woman hanging onto my arm is only teasing me. Do not fire up my temper! she is saying, in so many colorful French words. But her technicolor temper doesn’t scare me.

The truth is, she is happy for the fussing over by her American accompagnatrice. As I guide her up the ramp and down the smooth and sloping-with-centuries stairs, my belle-mère feigns indignation, though it is hard to hide that frustration of dependency and need–especially for one who used to dance the twist at high speed.  And don’t get her started on The King of Rock:

“J’ai adoré El-veece! How do you pronounce his name?” She wants to know, her thoughts dancing with nostalgie.
“El vuss,” I answer, steering my belle-mère over to the hand rail with a strong suggestion that she uses it. We are climbing the village stairs for a view of the red-tiled rooftops.

“You probably are too young to remember him,” she sighs, admiring the hilly housetops below with their range of red tiles, some missing, some cracked, some covered with mold.

I racked my brain for memories. Elvis was alive in the 70s of my American childhood, but I was too busy listening to David Bowie….

Ground Control… presently that is our goal as we navigate the uneven floor of France. Tripping over so much as one cobblestone might put my complice in the hospital. Surely Elvis would sympathize were he watching the two women advancing with caution. If I listened closely I could hear an angel’s voice: the King himself singing tenderly to us:

When I’m growing old and feeble
stand by me…

I cradle my belle-mère’s forearm and listen as she spills her heart. Fear, she explains, has consumed her in this, her troisième age. She tells me about the recent freak accidents of her women friends “of a certain age”: Catherine was pouring detergent into the washing machine when she lost her balance, fell, and shattered her knee. And Sabine was strolling through some foreign town when, slip…. what followed for both women were months and months of rehabilitation.

I thought about my own mom whose life took a turn after she slipped. One moment she was mopping the floors with her balai espagnol… and the next she was lying helpless on the cold wet tiles. She had broken her hip. She came to France to heal only to learn she had breast cancer. A double mastectomy followed.

My belle-mère falls back and I just catch her elbow in time for a discreet “save”. By the way we rock and nearly roll over the ancient cobblestones, you might think we were dancing. DANCING! And what with Elvis’s paroles piping in on the loudspeakers of our minds, That’s All Right Mama, I like to think we were. We can turn our frailties in to footloose and fancy free, if only in our make believe. 

Ma Belle-Mère
That’s my belle-mère, on the right.

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A Day in a Dog’s Life… by Smokey “R” Dokey

Smokey says: “I’m no line cutter… but try telling that to the Pinscher, the Rottweiler, and the Samoyed,    all of whom watched, beady-eyed, this morning as the veterinarian whisked me away from the salle d’attente into the lurky murky non beef jerky room beyond….

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What the impatient patients didn’t know was that I was going straight into surgery… while they were waiting for vaccinations. (I’d rather be getting vaccinated!)

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But today is the day to re-stitch things. My wound never closed and when a bone began to stick through the opening, alarm bells rang!

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Wish me luck! (That’s Kristin explaining to me a little about today’s procedure and how all will work out…. Do I look as though I am believing her? I hope I am!) Comments welcome here.

Read the story about Smokey’s attack and see a photo of him at nine weeks old, stapled back together.



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30 thoughts on “troisième age

  1. Great story, Kristin, that I can relate to as ma belle-mère is quatre-vingts-sept and VERY unsteady on her feet. Many a time I’ve helped her navigate the eleven steps up to our house. It’s led to many discussions between my wife and myself about our troisième age and what comes afterwards. I think with advancing medicine and longer life there is a quatrième age which is where we become more home-bound and doctor/medicine dependent – a state that not all of us may want to be in.
    Good luck, Smokey. Hope the vet can get that wound to close up.

  2. Thank you, Krisitin for a lovely story- Would that we all have a Kristin to hold our elbows in our troisieme age.

  3. Lovely story. She is fortunate that you are patient and understanding and you are fortunate that she still makes the effort to accompany you through the antiquated streets of France. We see charm – she sees danger.
    At 54, I have already taken several tumbles that have fortunately only caused me embarrassment, sciatica and twisted ankles.
    Alas, je suis une femme d’un certain age. I call it my “slow dancing” phase. I’m not yet ready, though, to call myself a senior citizen.
    Poor Smokey. I’ll bet he knew SOMETHING was up. I wish him a quick recovery – poor guy. Keep us posted.
    Lovely photo, Kristin. It’s so nice to have you back. And a big thanks to JM for lending his voice (albeit a reluctant one?)

  4. I just turned 64 and received the Beatles song of the same subject, “Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m 64?” I asked my husband. A quel âge commence le troisième âge? Not at 64! Unless of course, you are going to the movie theater where you get a discount if you’re over 60!!

  5. Sweet story Kristin! I also love the sweet faces of Braise and Smokey as they snooze on the floor.

  6. I, too, love the ooze of love coming from the page. Oh, damn, I am sooooo homesick I can’t stand it. Love Joyce Hoover

  7. Oh my goodness… what a lovely gilded site to start the morning with! I’m a new commenter… and let me say… the charming city photos, your beautiful golden babies, the sweet writing… all so energizing and cheering. My best wishes to Smokey. I’m sure he can be nothing but brave as he faces surgery… and you nothing but loving as he comes home to heal.

  8. You’ll do great Smokey — You’re ONE after all — a big boy. With all you’ve been through, this is a stroll in the fields!
    Patricia in sunny Virginia

  9. Smokey–best wishes are coming your way from Buffalo, NY and my three Pekingese. Be good for the vet and heal quickly. Special prayers to St. Francis for you today!

  10. A wonderful story, Kristin. I decided when I turned 55 that I was only willing to be a “senior citizen” if it meant a discount on something. Otherwise I’m 39! ha! I feel blessed that I’m able to be here in KS at this time to help care for my mom. I can see all sides of this aging issue! And thanks for the update on little Smokey. I hope all goes well for the precious little guy. We’ve been routing for him for a long time and I, personally, always look forward to updates on him and his lovely maman. Especially when told by you, chere Kristin!

  11. Chere Kristi, it was sad yet a pleasure to imagine being the recipient of your caring arm and concern for your belle-mere for this trosiemme age is but a few steps from needing such care, vraiment.. Comme toujours (et wondering?) Fred

  12. This is a wonderful story! And I’m right there with Candy–the discounts are fine and I will take them, but the age of my heart and mind is more like that 39! (Until until I remember that I have a son who is 30 himself!!)

  13. What a lovely story! Your belle-mere is most fortunate to have you as part of the Espinasse clan. As a 67 year old who just took two tango lessons last week with her 75 year old husband, I urge you to make sure she never give up dancing until she can no longer walk!
    Sorry to hear Smokey had to have another operation. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

  14. My husband and I rented the house in the Loire Valley for the month of June 2011- in about a year. It has 4 bed rooms and I know it will be wonderful. We got this from YOU – WORD OF THE DAY. It is a small village of 700 people and is within ten minutes from chateaux.
    We are troisieme.!! Our children will be with us for one week – and the other weeks, we will have friends visit us.
    I look forward to your messages and your philosophy. Thank you.
    Georgia Catasca

  15. I remember feeling blue at 48 about turning 50. When a Dear 84 year old friend smiled and sighed, “Ah, 50! The old age of youth, and the youth of old age.” So I figure I’m starting into my second childhood right?
    It is an adventure that seems to take some of us by surprise. After all, in my head I’m still 16, its just my body that’s starting to give me raspberries, that and a slight hitch in my get along 0.o
    Wishing Smoky “R” a speedy recovery!
    OXOX
    Missy

  16. Your story today brought back memories of my two beloved mothers-in-law. They both inspired me to try to be the best in-law I can be, in their honor. Thanks for a lovely post, and best wishes to Smokey.

  17. Lovely story, Kristin. Your Belle-mere is so fortunate to have you in her life. I was wondering something about Smokey. Did the owners of the dogs who attacked him on your property ever take responsibility for the attack? I wish Smokey a full and speedy recovery. He is precious!!
    Julie
    (By the way, I loved that song by David Bowie too!)

  18. Hmmmm,I am in that delicate age range, I guess. It is a pain but I am glad I made it.
    You are a wonderful daughter (and in law)and so I can imagine you when you are old and how wise and beautiful you will be. Something to look forward to.
    Hope all goes well with Smokey. Hope his recovery goes well.
    Anne

  19. Thanks for this, Kristin! A lovely piece filed with humor, connection and love. My parents – both in their eighties – have come for a visit, and I am delighted to find them both healthy, happy and still as mischievous and active as they were fifty years ago. Dad was telling me they just bought a new mattress for their bed. The salesman was trying to sell them an expensive one exclaiming, “This model will last twenty five years!” My dad, who was reading the fine print on the tag, peered over his glasses. “How about something a little less expensive that will last…oh, fifteen years or so?” I hope I will be as active,healthy and alive as they are thirty years from now!
    Smokey, we are all pulling for you! I know you will come through with flying colors!
    Love and hugs,
    Linda and Co.

  20. Dear Smokey, I’m sure the vet will fix it this time. It might hurt a bit after the surgery, but I’ll bet there will be pills to help with the pain. Let’s hope this heals the wound once and for all. We’ll be thinking of you in Bisbee, Arizona. Love, Linda C.

  21. It’s been a while since I have commented, too busy I suppose, but this one caught my heart and tossed it into my throat! As one of the troisième age, (still healthy, lucky me) I see too many friends passing away, and have spent much of the summer taking meals and solace to dear friends who are dying of cancer. Not easy, this getting older, and how blessed is your belle-mère to have you there for support, both physical and emotional. Enjoy every minute of every day..my motto! Hugs and the best of life to you!

  22. Pls. let us all know asap when Smokey is out of surgery and beginning his recovery. Special love to him today.

  23. Yes, today’s story was one of your best. We were there with you and your belle-mere! I am so sorry that the brave Smokey has to have another surgery, but we all hope and pray that this may fix everything, and he won’t have to go through any more. He has the kindest eyes, eyes that have known their share of suffering and can empathize. What a special creature! Much love and healing energy for him, Kate in Minneapolis

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