mal à l'aise (mal ah lez) locution
: être mal à l'aise = to be or to feel ill at ease
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A Day in a French Life…
by Kristin Espinasse
Driving our young visitor home, I chatted non-stop as the two of us advanced under the starlit night, direction Saint Cécile, le centre-ville. Being talkative while chauffeuring my children's friends home puts us both, I figure, into the comfort zone. Heaven forbid that the silence between us would win out, giving the mismatched travelers something to feel self-conscious about.
"Would you look at that? It's so dark out at 5:30…" I begin, checking my passenger's seat-belt.
"Mmm hmmm…" my daughter's friend agrees, quietly.
"So, do you have any homework left to do this weekend?" I inquire, stirring up the sound barrier.
"No."
I am used to such barely audible answers and notice that my passenger's responses—when I can hear them—range from one-syllabled to mumbled. But that doesn't stop me from shooting the speech-stifling brise.
"Ah, that's good!…" I agree, if only with myself. The direction of our conversation is like a handmade sign held by an auto-stoppeur; it reads One-Way, or bust!
Regarding such one-way conversation, one must feel mal à l'aise while being driven home by a motor-mouth mama. I don't want my passenger to suffer the silence, and so I continue my running commentary.
"Oh, my headlights!" I declare as we pass another car with blinking phares. "Yipes! My blinding high-beams were on! Je roulais pleins phares!"
(Not a squeak from the passenger seat… the silence is so loud you can slice it).
"I have a hard time seeing at night, and you?"
"Oui."
Realizing that my latest comment was overly casual—it might have inspired doubt about one's driver—I happily add "Thank goodness for glasses!" and pat the bridge of my nose, where my lunettes rest, there above my motor mouth.
The twelve-year-old to my right keeps her eyes glued to the window and her vocal chords stitched shut. I am running out of things to say when, suddenly, the fuel in my verbal spout runs out. From this point on there'll be no more self-conscious conversation, just an awkward, audible drought.
***
Once an awkward adolescent always an awkward adolescent. When I stop imagining how others are feeling—uncomfortable, afraid, upset or, conversely, satisfied, secure…—and take the time to examine my own current mood, I realize just how often I project my humeur….
And you? Your response is welcome in the comments box!
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le centre-ville = town center; la brise (f) = breeze; un auto-stoppeur, une autostoppeuse = hitchhiker; être mal a l'aise = to feel uncomfortable; les phares (m) = headlights; je roulais pleins phares = I was driving with my full headlights on; oui = yes; les lunettes (nfpl) = eyeglasses; l'humeur (f) = mood
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Geesh . . . good to know the “audible” drought is not just an American thing . .. teenagers the world over seem to have the same exact “mal à l’aise”, non? They must all attend the same “I’m-not-going-to-talk-more-than-is-ncessary” academy! LOL, Robin
I could SO relate to your story today; I absolutely get diarrhea of the mouth when in the midst of taciturn people. I guess I have a problem with overwhelming silence. Dining with those who eat and do not converse….well,I get mal-a-laise.
Today’s photo of Braise and Smokey is the most beautiful one yet. I loved it.
Annette Heath
Hello Kristin Espinasse,
I’ve been reading your blog for a while because I love France and have been trying to learn the language since I was in grammar school (I’m 53 now). I always copy the vocabulary word and add it to my ‘dictionary.’ I also listen to radio FIP (Paris) everyday while I work. Perhaps some day I will feel like I am finally able to converse at a level that is somewhat understandable.
As for your story about driving your daughter’s friend home and trying to keep the conversation going, I can relate. I have a 10 year old son and for some reason I do the same thing. At least I can ask the stuttering questions in my native language!
Keep up the good work.
And thanks,
Walter Zekanoski
Providence, RI
USA
I always dreaded driving the babysitter home after a night out because I’m not a big one for talking but silence always seemed rude so I’d try to see how they got along with the children trying to draw the conversation out until we got to their house. I always preferred the sitters that lived close to us, or better, ones that were old enough to drive.
I thought my days of driving the sitter home were over when our children grew up but when my son, daughter-in-law (isn’t belle-fille a beautiful expression?), and two granddaughters visited last Christmas. We hired some (younger) friends’ daughter to babysit, but when we arrived home, my wife felt that I should drive the sitter home since we hired her and she was OUR friends’ daughter. At least she was somewhat talkative but did live farther away than I would have liked.
What a wonderful picture of mother and son, and with the son’s tongue just barely showing, like he’s having a wonderful dream!
Snow coming soon, 15 degrees F and overcast in St. Paul.
My Darling Kristi,
A post this morning that takes us all back down memory lane…except of course my memories of you and your friends were always just the opposite of your latest experience. You were a chatterbox to the end, as noted by your blog, you are still chattering away to anyone who will listen to
you, thank God you now have fans to talk to and Thank God also that they chat right back here in the comment box. When you were
young I loved talking to your friends and for some reason they all talked alot to me.
Maybe it’s because I always got right to the heart of their silent thoughts, like, “I
heard that “so-and-so” has a big crush on you!” I know your little friends loved to talk to me because now they have all found me on Facebook, where we can still have our
little conversations – Hi to Maria and Carrie!!!
Of course I am overwhelmed by the beauty of
your photo of Braise and Smokey this morning – not only will I be painting this for you, I think you must have this photo
professionally printed and framed for your office. This photo is one of the most beautiful “Mother and Son” images I have ever seen…you are catching moments that are treasures forever. I noticed that Smokey’s little tongue is still showing the after effects of his assult and the reminder still brings tears to my eyes. He will touch us forever with his bravery.
It’s raining softly here in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico – a soft gentle jungle rain. I would like to post a photo here
of my beautiful jungle garden but I can’t
figure out how to place a link here, of course once I figure that out you won’t be
able to shut me up. Our colors are so different here – emerald (sp?) green.
Bill in St. Paul – you are one of my favorites…I love your comments.
XOXO
JULES
Kristin j’adore la photo de Smokey et sa maman..belle.
I always took my daughter(s) with me to drive their friends home for just this reason!
And I continue to love and look forward to Braise and Smokey pictures. So glad Smokey is getting better every second. And that Braise is so nurturing.
Kristin~ of all the photos you have posted of the dogs, truly this is my favorite. The tongue sticking out is one my favorite memories of my dogs, especially our second dog~ Carly. I so loved her and loved it when she was fast asleep and the little pink/brown tongue sticking out. Thank you for bringing back such a special memory.
As for chatting on the way home~ I was born of a talker and therefore I am a talker~ didn’t have any trouble making conversation with my babysitter parents, friend’s parents or other adults. And I am thankful that my parents raised me this way!
Again, thank you for the beautiful story and the wonderful photo(s)!
P.S. Overcast, cool/cold and about 45F here in Big D.
When my daughter was a teenager, she never shut up, so I didn’t know how to deal with kids who grunted. still don’t.
My friend with a gift for teenagers believed in taking them on long car trips. “Bless their little hearts,” she would say. “Eventually, if you keep quiet, they will spill their guts.”
Thank you, Jules. I always enjoy reading your comments, too, because, as the mother, you sometimes have a different point of view than Kristin (or maybe you remember things differently). When you finish your painting of “Mother and Son”, you should have Kristin post it for all to see. Unlike Smokey my tongue is always in my cheek (pince-sans-rire?).
Having taught adolescents for over 30 years I can “totally” relate to the monosyllabic responses which tend to make us “pipelettes” (I learned that word thanks to you!) feel uncomfortable! But then there were always the students who would never shut up!!!! I told them they should become teachers because then they could talk all day and get paid for it! ha! But then I would get the dreaded “look” – you know which one I mean – the one that says “Are you crazy?” and yet somehow the silence is worse than if they actually said the words. I loved the comments from Jules! I always love the comments from Jules. I think I should make a special trip to Mexico to meet the “maman” who helped create the wonderful Kristin. And I LOVE the photo of (dare I say it and sound sacrilegious?) “Madonna and child”. It’s a cold, crisp, frosty morning in SW KS. A sciff of snow in the air.
Hi Kristen,
I always talked to my children’s friends. I tried to draw them out with innocuous questions about what they were doing, if they liked certain things and I always found something positive to say about their lives. Soon they were talking to me and telling my kids how cool their mom was. Just don’t listen if your kids find this annoying. I reassured them that their friends still liked them best.
I love you blog – never miss it.
I LOVE the picture of Braise and Smokey! So beautiful!
It would be great to read this dialogue in French too. When I read your dialogues, I’m always wondering how to say these same things in French. It would be a great learning tool.
15 COLD degrees in Salt Lake City today
I don’t think awkwardness with silence is confined to teens. I feel it with adults, depending, of course, on who they are. Driving a distance in silence might seem a tad rude, though less so if one has talked for a bit and then doesn’t continue.
I have driven my son’s friends home, and usually talk to them, at least a bit, on their schoolwork, sports, or other interests. I hope they know I am really interested in them. One fellow in particular, in the car or in our house, is a good conversationalist. They don’t seem to mind talking to me.
On the other hand, in public, my son urges me to say little or to confine myself to bland subjects such as the weather. If occasionally I come up with some expression more typical of my generation than his, he says, “Never say that when my friends are around.” Gone are the days when he wanted me to come along on every school field trip.
That photo of Braise and Smokey is extraordinary and your Mom is right, it should be professionally framed. Hey Jules, will you do a painting of my dogs?
It was 24 degrees at 7am , highs predicted to be 32,icy in Seattle.
martina
Hi Cristine,
What a great suggestion, I just pushed the translation button on my computer and all of the comments were translated into French!
Of course of all the friends of Kristi I am the one who knows the least French, but your suggestion is brillant and now I will try to figure out what all of you are saying with the translation in play. How fun this will be, I’m sure this will force me to learn. You are the greatest…
XOXO
JULES
Hi Christine,
Sorry about mistyping the spelling of your name, I guess I really should proof-read my comments, but then again I know I never will. Thanks for the weather report in Salt Lake City….did you know I was the first baby born in the Saint Beneditcs Hospital in Ogden 63 years ago…they like to put my
picture in the paper on their anniversaries, so look for me on their 70th.
XOXO
JULES
Bonjour Kristin,
It’s amazing how your writing brings us all together as extended members of your family. From the saga of Smokey, Braise et al (especially today’s photo!)to the wonderful uniqueness of Jules to Jean-Marc’s winery. I was especially touched when you spoke of your grandmother on her passing. Thank you for this treasure.
As for today’s post, mal à l’aise brings back echoes of the Carter administration and the infamous “malaise” speech.
It is amusing that we often will babble in moments that are sometimes best left silent. I find it so hard to live up to the old addage: “Some will say nothing and let others think them idiots, others will open their mouths, and leave no doubt!”
Bonjour Kristin,
This reminds me of my mom when she picked me up from school. I would not say a word, all one-syllable answers to her questions. She then would have me open the dashboard where she had hidden a chocolate or pastry, my eyes would gleam. After eating I would not stop talking.
Echoing above sentiments, the picture of Braise and Smokey with his little tongue is priceless. It is truly wonderful to see Smokey doing so well.
xoxo
Thanks for this beautiful picture of Smokey and Braise…so dear. Am visiting at The Carriage House Inn in Marlinton, West Virginia, where snow is lying on the ground and the temp is all the way up to 36. Innkeeper Jeannie is packing up Christmas cookies to mail out–I am sneaking in/out of the kitchen to nip cookies.
I had an aha moment when I saw today’s word. I’m trying to read a novel in French, without consulting a dictionary. As a result, I do a lot of guesstimates about what’s going on, and our heroine, narrating in the first person, is frequently “mal à l’aise.” I’m happy to see I’d guessed correctly in this case.
I echo everyone’s raves about the photo of Braise and Smokey. It’s beautiful. As to the awkward silence, I’d probably the silent one and the kid would have to do the talking.
Kristen, the photo of Smokey and Braise is just lovely.
God has shown us what absolute contentment and pure love is through your divine photo, “Mother Love” of Braise and Smokey. They are completely at peace, a glimpse of heaven on earth. Thank you for capturing that!–Simonette from Michigan,USA
Kristi Honey – you need to copyright the caption:
Oh to be rocked to sleep with the help of another’s heartbeat…
The longer I gaze at today’s photo of Braise and Smokey – the deeper my thoughts of Braise climb to the surface. I wonder if
she is remembering the first time she ran into that wild Sailor Sam over a year ago when he first visited her home at the vineyard. Is she thinking how wonderful God was to reunite her with her lover the next year in Marseille, to romp through the
back streets and alleys with her golden Sailor. Most of all I wonder if she remembers all she has been through over the past four months….she seems so peaceful with her treasure … one day he will be a sailor too.
XOXO
MOM
Bonjour Kristin,
I think your profound photo of Braise and Smokey has really touched and impacted many of us, your readers. It is a marvel to behold. Merci.
I live in Sonoma, CA and will be flying to Paris this Friday for a week long visit. I cannot wait to practice mon français while there.
Barbara
Hi Kristi,
Here in Copenhagen we agree that your doggy photo today is tellement à point (can you say that?). We have enjoyed it beaucoup.
Rohan, Vanita & Jens
Kristen,
You must be familiar with the “silence is golden” saying, I myself took that to heart when my own son (now a very adult 23) went silent as his mind and hormones raged around age 12 or 13. He would open up as I spoke less, and let him pursue the fine art of conversation, a word or a “uh-hu” at a time!
Braise and Little Smokey are to die for in that snapshot, you can feel the warmth and tenderness thru your camera lens, kudos to you on what I would consider award winning photography!
Bless all of you, all creatures great and small, and our troubled world these holidays, no matter which holiday you take to heart!
Elissa in Ocala, Florida
Michael: we are all one big happy family indeed! Thanks to all of you who share yourselves here. It is a gift to read your messages, to learn a little more, each time, about you.
I appreciate your responses to the “Mother Love” photo. It would not exist without you (just before the photo was taken, I could “hear” so many of your voices saying “please keep the photos of Braise and Smokey coming!”. I was motivated to go pick up the camera and capture the moment.
The same goes for the stories. They would never get written without you. Merci encore for your encouragements and for being a part of this famille française. As Elissa says, “Bless you all” and happy holidays.
xo,
Kristin
The beautiful picture of Smokey and Braise is definitely an award winner. It is so wonderful to see how Braise is mothering her son. I remember that you said she was not very motherly after Smokey’s attack. Several comments said she would come around and she certainly did. They are just the best! Patty B
Ah France…
I can’t wait to go to France this week end!
I miss so much the French food such as a good tartiflette or a classic Moules frites!
Mat
It always amazes me how so many people are really uncomfortable with quiet. It must be my Navajo influence showing through.
Thinking about making croissants on this cold and dreary 28F morning in Southern Michigan, with a few snowflakes in the air.
Jean Marc (l’autre)
Like you I am a bit of a chatterbox Kristin but I just ramble on and rarely feel ‘mal a l’aise’ although I have been known to apologise for bending others’ ears. We are what we are. My daughter has a password she gives when my chatter becomes too much and I accept this good-naturedly. Living on my own, I talk too much when I meet people. I do bend my cats ears too and they don’t seem to mind. Lucky Smokey for having his mama to tend to him still. Both he and Blaise look very happy. I have had my new kitten ‘Angel’ for a week now. I let her stay with her mama till she was 5 months old as I thought it a bit mean to whisk her away at 3 months. She is settling well and learning to trust me and let me pet/stroke her although my other cat Sacha who is now middle-aged in cat terms finds her a bit too rumbustous (is that a word) with her constant demands for play. C’est la vie!
That truly is a beautiful picture of Braise and Smokey! Thank you for showing us the world through your eyes and your mind! (The picture at the top of the blog is fabulous as well. . . AS ALWAYS!) Je te souhaite une journee fantastique !
Your pups are so beautiful!
Hi Jules:
Wow, you were born in Odgen! My mom was born and raised there too! She is 74 though, so you probably wouldn’t have crossed paths, but you might have known some of her family, the Wangsgards? What a fun coincidence! I will definitely check for your picture at the next hospital anniversary – will I recognize you?
Thanks for the translation idea. How exactly do you do that? Do you cut and paste into a translator? I always wonder how correctly colloquial the translations are…
I would still love to see your website where you display your paintings.
Best, from SLC where it’s sunny and cold (17F)
Hi Kristin,
The picture of Smokey and Braise is so cute!
Your story reminds me of this past summer when we hosted a French foreign exchange student for two weeks. She was very shy and would not say a word even though I babbled to her in French. I would only get one word answers or a smile and a nod. We took her to Washington, D.C. to visit the sights and the 2 hour drive there and back was very uncomfortable. She would not say much to my daughter either even though we would try to engage her in conversation.
Hi,
You seem to have a thing for photos of windows and doors, as I do. We forget to look up and see what the windows have to offer. Of course, Europe offers for more picturesque ones than here….but I one just looks, it is amazing what you will see. I also like gates, and in my village we have no street numbers(or side walks in the residential area) so the houses are named. And there is no mail delivery, we have to go to the post office…a gathering place. Loved the photo of Smokey and Braise..tickle his tummy for me.
Carmel…sunny and cold…35F.
I think you should go to look at Leggett Immobilier – French estate agents … They are a great English Company and very helpful.
Thanks