I don't know why I want "straight" to always be the rule when, in fact, I often admire what is off-center. Read on, in today's story column.
feminine
: rule, ruler; rule (of conduct, grammar); (règles =
menstruation)
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A Day in a French Life…
by Kristin Espinasse
Somewhere in
Provence, on a little crooked farm, beyond a few crooked walls… and a
crooked Christmas tree… four off-kiltered kin sit 'round a table.
"We
need to STRAIGHTEN UP around here!" one of the crooked ones says.
She
pounds her fist on a crooked surface. The table is nicked, scratched,
and sullied from enough errant knives and fourchettes that the surface
looks, on second glance, like a wall of faded hieroglyphics. The only thing
not carved into the wood are the amorous initials of the man and woman who
call this place home.
"Home!" the woman points out. "…is a cozy
respite from a crooked "outside". In here, there is order—or should be!"
she announces, pulling an errant sock out of her bathrobe's pocket. "And just
whose is this? And where does it belong?"
Three other members at the
tilted table look into their bowls, trying to conceal crooked smiles, but the
speaker can see their reflections on the steamy surface of their
soup.
Out comes The Book. The title, written in long hand,
reads:
"The Little Book of Simple Rules"
With a crooked,
self-satisfied smile of her own, the woman straightens up in her chair and
reads the subtitle (which is, simply, a reflection of the words
above it):
"Le Petit Livre des Règles Fastoches"
"Can I read?!"
the kids at the table ask and their excitement has the speaker thinking up a
new rule or two (see rule numbers "Six" and "Seven," below…).
The older
child begins to read the rules which are written down simply, if a
bit crookedly—like chicken scratch (or like the scratches beneath their soup
bowls, on the surface of the table). They state, in no uncertain terms, that
WE SHALL:
One:
Take off our shoes at the front door.
(Enlever nos
chaussures à la porte d'entrée.)
Two:
Put on our slippers.
(Mettre
nos pantoufles.)
Three:
Change the empty toilet paper
roll.
(Changer le rouleau de papier toilette quand il est
vide.)
Four:
Not lean back in our chair.
(Ne pas se balancer sur
notre chaise.)
Five:
Not throw clothes on the floor.
(Ne pas jeter
les habits par terre.)
Six:
Take turns.
(Chacun son
tour.)
Seven:
Not interrupt (the speaker).
(Ne pas couper la
parole.)
Eight:
Return borrowed objects.
(Rendre les objets
empruntés.)
Nine:
Not drink more than three cups of coffee per
day.
(Ne pas boire plus de trois cafés par jour.)
With this last
rule, the reader interrupts himself.
"Mom… how many cups of coffee have you
had today?"
"No one follows these rules!" the woman complains, and the caffeine
puts that much more "edge" into her response. With that, she sniffs, narrows
her eyes and pulls from her other bathrobe pocket a cardboard cylinder.
"Nobody ever changes the roll of toilet paper!" she laments.
The woman
gets up from the table, walks across a room of crooked tiles, and pitches the
empty roll of papier toilette into the fire. The cardboard goes up in flames,
sending out a wave of warmth: a cozy respite from rigidity. She looks back at
her family, listens as they laugh and share the events of the day. The "Book
of Simple Rules" has been tossed aside, a safe distance from the
soup splotches that now color the table with life lived.
"However
crooked, we all seem to line up here each night, the woman decides, "around a
square table. Maybe it's time to "join 'em," quit trying to
control everything—except for the knife: this, in time to carve our amorous
initials, encircled within a crooked heart, into the table's wobbling wooden
surface.
* * *
Comments welcome. Thanks in advance!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
French Vocabulary: la
fourchette (f) = fork
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Expressions~~~~~~~~~~~~
la
règle d'or = the golden rule
les règles de route = rules of the road
les
règles du jeu = rules of the game
mettre quelque chose en règle = to put
something in order
se mettre en règle avec Dieu = to make things right with
God
la règle de la maison = the rule of the house (establishment)
en règle
générale… = as a general rule…
avoir ses règles = to have one's period
(menstruation)
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Kristin, What a lovely story! I am having one of those mornings where nothing is in order or as I thought it should be. Then, along came your story to remind me that life is crooked, and it should be. I will try to enjoy my day and not focus on what is out of order. Thanks!
Bonjour Kristin! Another wonderful story! Is une regle also used to suggest one is on a diet? Merci et Bonne journee. Kerry Ann
We lived near the ocean in Manhattan Beach, CA, and our family rules were: NO bathroom towels were to be used as beach towels!!!! And wash off the sand and tar in the shower spigot in the backyard BEFORE coming into the house!!!! DON’T leave your bike in the driveway!!!!!
Those are the ones that were pounded into us daily.
Thanks, Kerry Ann, and I wonder if you’re thinking of “régime”? Though there are many “règles” to follow when following a régime!
WOW !!! This should be a little picture book, a series, I know you have a ‘GREAT’
childrens book illustrator out there as a fan-I wonder what she sees as she read your wonderful story.
Salut Kristin!
The regles at our house included: “Don’t leave your shoes lying around” (important since there were six of us living in a very small house), “No reading at the dinner table,” and “Don’t call your sister ‘stupid’.” That one was a biggie. Upon reflection, I now realize what a wonderful, “crooked,” childhood I had! I’m sure your own children will feel the same way. Thanks for the wonderful blog and Happy Holidays!
Your fabulous story reminded me of another, much older one:
There was a crooked man,
and he walked a crooked mile.
He found a crooked sixpence
upon a crooked stile.
He bought a crooked cat,
which caught a crooked mouse,
and they all lived together in a crooked little house.
la règle d’or pretty much takes care of everything n’est-ce pas?
Our rules were…never say ‘shut up’ to anyone, never sit on the edge of the bed (it would make the mattress saggy) and always ask if you could be excused from the table. They seem a bit quaint in today’s world of 4-letter words, out of control kids and lack of manners everywhere, not just at home!
Dear Kristin:
I enjoy your letters and the one that struck home to me was the household dilemma of Christmas tree selection. I smiled because I concluded that folks are the same throughout the world. There are many fond memories of selecting a leaning and”deformed” tree. Joyeaux Noel.
Our rules en enfance were; “No elbows on the table”, “No leaving the table before everyone was finshed” and then asking permission to do so, “No whistling on a Sunday”. I never did understand the last one and it puzzles me even more now. I think I am going to have to have a chat with my mum.
I would never let my kids wear their caps at the table or restaurant. Funny what bothers us, huh?
Debra
Your “slice of life” cuts straight to the core of humanity and is still another of your charming, delightful, revealing, humorous insights into our imperfections. Merci for still another wonderful gift.
Here in the USA, reminders of our crooked lives is a bit more than humorous as the news is flooded with details of still another very crooked politician with a very crooked name (to we older Americans), Illinois governor Blagojevich. Add to that the ongoing accounts concerning Bernard Madoff, a once famed investor, who has given new meaning to the word “fraud” by scamming investors (including the rich, famous, charity foundations and more) of 50 billion dollars; yes, that’s billion!
May as well add continuing reports of greed and incompetence of too many of our capitalist shakers and movers telling how they have done their part in putting us in a depression. A crooked life, indeed, and regretfully — Cest la vie!
Probably most have seen or heard the crooked vervion of Le Regle D’or — Do unto others before they do it unto you.
There is hope, not only because there are so many “crooked” humans decidedly bent on loving and giving, but we will soon have a new president with intelligence, vision, wisdom, and a caring character — thank God!
Regle…Brings an expression to mind… Regulated like clockwork = C’est réglé comme du papier a musique.
Il y aussi les régles que je dois respecter a la maison:
1) Regle #1 : ma femme a toujours raison
2) Regle #2 : Au cas ou elle est a tord, se referer a la Regle # 1
No Singing At The Dinner Table.
A big one for me, because I had to resist the urge A LOT.
My dad no longer remembers making this rule, but I sure do. It’s ingrained. Huh, should have called my blog that. I wonder if nosingingatthetable.blogspot.com is open?
This story about rules is…well “golden”! One of my favorites; merci!
This story about rules is…well…”golden”! One of my favorites; merci!
Terrific, Kristin!
One of my children’s favorites was:
“No talking with your mouth open!”,
and another, “Stop chewing with food in your mouth!”
It doesn’t pay for well-regimented rule-makers to get distracted at their posts!
I grew up with the usual, and quite a few indigenous, like . . . “Shake out your shoes before you put your foot inside!” (Scorpions love the cool inside of the toes of Keds.)
I would love to hear . . . do you mind, Kristin? . . . some of those rules others have had to adopt as crooked GROWN-UPS! I have a few:
1) Dishes are part of the meal
2) Bible before breakfast
3) “Maneuvers” (when military husbands are gone for weeks on end) doesn’t translate, “Fiesta!”
4) NO TEASING! (once, in prayer, the Lord told me to cut it out . . . that I wasn’t good at it! Ouch!)
Loved the photo! What is it about some of us that we are enchanted by the
“crookedness” of others’ crooked little homes and cats, and straighten our own soap dishes every time we pass them?
Buenos dias, Jules; de verdad, ella es una hija tan simpatica y talentosa!
Merry Christmas, my d.l.f.
Kerry
Some wonderful family rules:
Always remember the camera.
Bring a sketch pad, or easel or both!
Don’t buy cheap paint brushes.
But the main rules, LIVE LOVE LAUGH.