THE BITTEREST WINE: a novel about a family's conflicting roles in WWII Provence and famous writers of the Resistance who influenced them. Order the book.
TODAY'S WORD: le juste milieu
: happy medium
ECOUTEZ – Listen to Jean-Marc pronounce today's French word: Download Juste-milieu
La vertu est le juste milieu entre deux vices. -Aristote
Virtue is the happy medium between two extremes. -Aristotle
Improve your spoken French. Try Pronounce it Perfectly in French or Exercises in French Phonetics
A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE
"A Possible Tea Heist"
Yesterday, at the grocery store check-out, the stone-faced cashier glanced at my shopping cart after it cleared the two-poled security passage. "Voulez-vous me donner cette boîte de thé?" she said.
Would I like to hand over that box of tea??? In the time it took for my brain to translate the cashier's words, all customers in the Radius of Doubt turned to witness a possible tea heist!
To my amazement, there, in the corner of my steel shopping cart, was the little box. It read "Nuit Paisible." I had bought it (or meant to…) for my husband, who is having trouble sleeping at night.
Meantime–far from a tranquil night–this was some sort of daytime cauchemar! Did the cashier think I left the tea there on purpose–to scrape two euros off my purchase? Quelle honte!
"Oui…oui bien sûr!" I managed, my face sinking into the collar of my coat, where it was now warmed by a wave of humiliation. Handing over the forgotten item, I quickly reached for the articles coming off the belt, tossing them into my sticky caddy. But no matter how fast I bagged my groceries, the awkward moment dragged on! I was convinced everyone in line was judging me, and for more than that forgotten tea!
A few minutes earlier, you see, I had failed to let the man behind me–holding only a baguette–take cuts. Normally I would have let him pass, him–and the woman with hairspray and carrots, and the stray shopper who showed up with just a toothbrush. I ask you, dear reader, at what point–under what circumstances–do you ignore the one-item shopper standing behind you at the checkout?
One time I let a revolving door of one-two-and-three-item shoppers pass in front of me, Allez-y, allez-y! It was an unlucky coincidence. That was years ago and, since, I have adopted another approach….
I have become the one-item shopper!
While that may be an exaggeration, here is the truth: I have ditched the big shopping cart (easier when you reach the empty nest…), opting now for the complimentary basket or the mini cart. This puts me in league with the Few-Items Shopper (though I don't dare exercise any of the checkout line benefits), releasing me from overthinking things (should I let her pass, too? And him? And them?).
But on this fateful day, as you have seen, I had the big cart (the kids are home for the weekend. Mom's cooking!). After weathering the humiliation of handing it over the forgotten tea, I speed-loaded my groceries and shoved my debit card into the machine–hoping to quickly get out of this situation. Only to steep in it a little longer….
PAYMENT REFUSEE. Debit card declined!! the screen was shouting. If anyone had been doubting whether or not I meant to steal the tea, they now had reason to believe!
Up till now I had avoided eye-contact with Baguette Man. I was sure he was busy scrutinizing me for being so stingy in line. Rifling through my purse for my credit card, my face now red from a second wave of humiliation, I looked up and caught a glimpse of him.
Baguette Man had an entire aura of peace around him. Far from being resentful that I had made him wait so long to pay for his 98 cent loaf, he seemed truly sympathetic.
The card machine finally spit out a receipt and I was now on my way out to the parking lot, head held low, my mind working over possible things I could say to Baguette Man (were he chasing me out of the store, which he wasn't). "Let me explain… I'm usually a considerate person… I always let everyone pass! Don't judge me by an isolated act." But the conversation was really between me–and two extremes of personality: All or Nothing. Part of the answer to the day's lesson may be found in Aristotle's words:
"Virtue is the happy medium between two extremes." La vertu est le juste milieu entre deux vices.
Next time in the checkout line it won't be all or nothing. I'll let Baguette Man pass! Then I'll smile warmly to Hairspray and Carrot Lady, who can wait with Mr Toothbrush. We all need to practice the golden virtues. Patience being one of them.
* * *
I learned so much about French cheese etiquette from your comments in Monday's post. Thank you! And many thanks to my French friend, Agnès, who offered this helpful insight:
"I confirm that it is not considered appropriate to have a 2nd helping of cheese… according to French bourgeois étiquette.
But most people don't know or don't care about it!"
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Hi Kristi!
Wow, I’m the first one here! 🙂
I got up early because I couldn’t sleep, maybe I could use some of that tea you bought JM.
I wasn’t paying attention a few months ago when I got into the 20 item or less line at the grocery store. I had WAY more than 20 items. I felt all eyes on me but nobody said anything. I was wondering why I was getting the evil eye until I looked up and I was mortified. I apologized over and over until it was embarrassing! I didn’t want people to think I was one of those people who didn’t want to wait in the long lines with all the other overflowing carts but rather would take advantage of the short 20 item or less line to skedaddle out quickly!
I think that we have all forgotten an item in our cart or bag. Often I just put things in my grocery bags which I bring to carry my purchases home. I always have to search the bottom to find hidden items.
We have the ability to self scan our food as we go through the store and every once in a while when you get to the check out, the machine blinks and an attendant must come over and go through your items (a certain number of them) to make sure that you didn’t steal anything. I get all nervous because I hope that I didn’t accidentally forget to scan an item. Sometimes I might be thinking about other things. So far so good. I haven’t forgotten anything. But while he/she is doing it, I feel like a thief, although I did nothing wrong.
Kathleen
Oh, I was embarrassed for you! I think because it is a situation that we all have been involved in, one way or another. So nice to read about everyday life, and still learn French. And today, a little philosophy. Thank you so much for your writings. I don’t comment very often, but I do read, enjoy, and learn from your blogs tout le temps. Merci beaucoup.
I wonder if I’m the only silly (newbie) person who had to work out that you can only see the comments if you click the link to MAKE one, although you can then just read other people’s and not leave one yourself. It could be just my iPad’s “view”. If not, could you make or clarify the link perhaps? I do enjoy the comments. Thank you everyone.
Dear Kristi,
You are so cute! This was such a sweet incident and you wrote it with humor…Mr. Toothbrush etc. You have the kindest heart. Praying that your vineyard will sell at the highest and best price. Take good care of your lovely self.
The discomfort in your experience comes through loud and clear. But, I agree with you. Let one go by as a courtesy, and then you. It’s sort of like driving a car. Same ratio!
Kristi, you had me laughing out loud! Thanks for that and for expressing thoughts I’m quite certain most of us have experienced. And … what’s that teaser about the vineyard at the end of your post? We are anxiously holding our collective breaths …
Tiens bon!
Kristi this reminds me of an incident in which a kindly cashier motioned me to go through the ’10 items or less’ line when I clearly had more in my cart. The place was very busy but there was no one in the express lane and she was trying to help. Naturally, the minute I did it people started lining up behind me, with the appropriate amount of items in their baskets. As I was being checked out the lady behind me pointed to the sign which clearly stated the error of my ways and said something to the effect that I was breaking the rules. I was simply mortified, and had this panicky urge to grab the store microphone and announce to everyone, “But she told me to do it!” 🙂
Good luck with the sale of the vineyard. It is difficult to make a change like this one. Think of it as an new chapter. I returned to US after 20 years in Montreal. A very big change but have survived and flourished. I was 46 at the time. I know you will both do well wherever you are. If you choose to live in the US, it is much easier to get things done and to be established here. Also have found a community of francophones and francophiles here. There is less bureaucracy here to deal with. Bon chance and joyeux Noel.
Chère Kristin,
Vous êtes merveilleuse. Merci de partager les petits et les grands moments de votre vie. Normalement, je lie mais je ne réponds pas parce que vous avez tant de lecteurs et lectrices. Je vous souhaite un bon dénouement de ce chapitre de votre vie et “writing life.”
Depuis ma visite chez vous (2009!) je suis votre avis de le faire simplement. Voici mon essaie, pas un livre, mais je commence: rosaliewordforword.wordpress.com
Amicalement, Rosalie
Kristi, that you for sharing your candid story with us. On the occasions when I have felt judged by others, I discovered that the majority of bystanders are too busy thinking of their own personal issues to worry about what happens around them, and that those who do judge have nothing better to occupy their thoughts. I practise the same etiquette at the grocery store by allowing someone with one item, or with an impatient child, to get in line in front of me, but I wouldn’t continue doing that if there were three others behind me waiting to pay for only one or two items. I have learned to respect my own time and not allow others to push me aside. 🙂
The best of luck with the sale of your property! I am continuing to keep you and JM in my thoughts.
This has happened to most people whose mind is not always on task at hand. And yes it is embarrassing but most people understand. And for those who don’t, wait till it happens to them!
Good luck and much peace with your new venture.
I’ve used Yogi brand Bedtime tea for insomnia … when I remember I have it. Let us know how your brand works. Thinking of you at this difficult, but exciting, time.
Bonjour Kristi,
I have not sent you a message in quite some time, but you and your family have been in my thoughts. Your future may appear uncertain but “prend courage,” all will turn out in the end. I wish you all the best as you sell or rent your vineyard.
As you prepare “pour les fêtes, bonnes préparations et joyeuses fêtes!”
Thank you for continuing to share your thoughts.
Sending a warm hug from Saskatchewan, Canada!
Bless your brave heart! Selling a home is not easy and ending a chapter of a good life is more difficult still. I commend you for your
perseverance in the midst of so much uncertainty. Don’t forget to keep breathing. My experience in check out lines has been mostly good; but parking lot etiquette can be challenging. Maybe you have
a parking lot story to tell us?
Kristi, I really enjoyed today’s story. You are so adept at writing about the small, humble (sometimes humbling) things in life. You take a small moment in life and allow it to loom large in the imagination. And your reader feels the situation along with you. Terrific work. Having made a number of (happy) trips to France, I have experienced the critical judgment of a number of service workers. On one trip with my daughter I got the tsk-tsk treatment (actual tongue-to-the-roof-of-mouth sound) from three different women (yes, all women) for some minor infraction: once in a store (for wandering into an off-limits area (looked inviting, not separate), for asking for baguette slices at a salon de the, and for inquiring about an additional night’s stay at a hotel in St. Malo on one of those obscure Catholic holidays(it was insulting that I should not realize a hotel of that caliber would be fully booked at such a time!). The incidents promptly put me into my place (like a child), and were irksome though not serious. Being a tourist can be awkward, for you can so easily break some unwritten rule of behavior. Still, I would gladly pack my bags any day I had a chance to come to France!
Kristi:
I have overlooked something in my shopping basket more than once and know how you feel.
I was just at the local market and had the door alarm go off twice as I was exiting the store because of a bar code that didn’t get read properly! The burly security guard let me off after some scrutiny of my receipt and told me to “have a nice day” as I slunk up the street.
Life is indeed an adventure.
Edie from Savannah
Ha ha ha! This story just cracked me up! I could definitely put myself in that situation, right down to practicing in my mind what I would say to baguette man should he follow me out. Though I’ve no doubt it was embarrassing in the moment, it made for a humorous story.
This is such a familiar situation. And we are always harder on ourselves than those around us are. You see, they have been in the same situation themselves at some time. I hope all goes well with the sale of the vineyard. It is such a lovely property and I will always cherish the afternoon I spent there with you.
Oh Kristi! I think what I love best about your sweet blog is how generous you are with sharing who you are, what you are thinking, how situations affect you. And yes, we can all relate! I too wish you great blessings in the sale of your vineyard–bittersweet as it must be to part with a dream. Though, I guess not so much if it has become un cauchemar! But still, it has been such a beautiful place, as we have seen in your photos.
Thanks for sharing yourself.
It may be your iPod’s view. On my laptop, the comments simply follow down the page. If you wish to comment, you may click a reply under someone’s comment, or go to the end of the comments if you want to make your own fresh one.
Kristi,
This has happened I think to all of us.It is always that small item tucked in the corner. To be honest, once I got all the way to the car and was unloading before I realized there was an item that was not counted.. My rule is let the one person go and then you are next, that is if there is no “self check out”line, or the 15 items or less line. And the others should understand….if not it is their problem, not yours. How many times have you been in line with the person in front of you with a full basket or having their card refused. Let go of the little stuff…it is not worth your mental anguish.
With that said….have a wonderful week-end with the kids.
Oh yes, I can relate! I usually let folks such as M. Baguette Man in before me, but as you say – when do you stop? Along comes Bottle of Coke Youth followed by ‘My Wife Sent Me To Pick Up This One Small Item’ person…. Lol! Great reading – merci beaucoup!
Kristi, I frequently have restless, sleepless nights, so I have resorted to taking a homeopathic Boiron product called “coffea cruda” which treats “sleeplessness with mental hyperactivity”. If that is what JM is experiencing, perhaps this would help. It’s a French company, so it should be readily available.
As for my checkout experiences, I am uncomfortable when I am responsible for a longer than normal wait for customers behind me, for whatever the reason, a pricing discrepancy, etc. I always turn to the line behind me and apologize for the delay.
Who knew you had such klepto tendencies? Whatever the state of the sale of your vineyard, I hope it all goes smoothly for you both and you can reduce all the stress surrounding that ambitious endeavor. Better to step away and know that you’ve tried, then to always wonder how it might have been.
That’s a good analogy, I will keep that in mind because I never know when to stop letting people ahead too.
Hi Kristi, been there, done that….I feel your embarrassment. But on the flip side…..we recently stepped aside to let a pregnant lady step in front of us, who then proceeded to take all the time in the world, chatting to everyone around her!!!
Get your other half some Valerian from your local pharmacy. Not going into the amount of sleep I’ve lost over the last 18 months or so, or tell you how loud my husbands snoring got, just suffice to say I needed to get my body back into sleep mode. Thoroughly recommend it….now back on track, and can face the day with a smile again.
I love this blog, Kristin! It’s so you – poignant and funny. And, we’ve all had these thoughts about check-out line protocols. Wishing you the best in your home sale process. I hope it takes you both where you want to go.
Judy
Our dear Kristi,
Your beautiful words and pictures have once again transported us away,to a lovely place where we reflect on kindness and good will to others,and hopefully,theirs toward us.
Each post seems to wrap us in a kind of happy magic,making us feel like we,indeed,are all in this together.Even to Aristotle,who would definitely be smiling down on you!
THANK YOU!
Please know you and JM have been–and always are–in my prayers,especially now with hopes for good news on the sale of your home.We look forward to some happy news!
(Alittle PS about Aristotle:
He would definitely NOT have kind words for the sad sack lady we ran into at the video store.Empty parking lot,we stopped in front of the door,went in and chose a video.A couple of seconds later,this woman with hair on fire roared in,got directly in my face and screamed “YOU STOLE MY PARKING SPACE!” Took me totally by surprise.Before I had any chance
to make a reply,she turned to my husband and kicked him in the shin so hard that he nearly lost his balance.She then turned and left.Still have no idea where she was parked.Everyone was speechless.
Very funny now.Then not so much!
Love
Natalia XO
Love this story. We all have left things in our cart. I think most people don’t give it a second thought if you didn’t let them ahead. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes people let me ahead and sometimes they don’t. It is all good.
xoxo
Apologies if someone already said the same – I tried to read all the comments but there were sooo many (wow!):
Couldn’t the lesson be that it is really important that we don’t live our lives to please others. That we come straight from our heart. To do that requires the greatest amount of courage, really the greatest amount of courage.
There will always be someone not paying any attention anyway, and there will always be someone who misjudges us anyway. And someone whose heart is open and will feel yours…
We have a great strength inside of us but we need to stand behind our own self and even acknowledge our own self. Who else will really be with us from beginning till end the way we can be for ourselves?
That part of us that is us is also the most connected to our creator in my experience.
Anyway I hope that didn’t sound like a judgement! We all struggle finding this balance!
Thank you for another honest, human and funny letter, Kristi. You’re always a wonderful writer. I love your last paragraph:
“Next time in the checkout line it won’t be all or nothing. I’ll let Baguette Man pass! Then I’ll smile warmly to Hairspray and Carrot Lady, who can wait with Mr Toothbrush. We all need to practice the golden virtues. Patience being one of them.”
Wishes for all to feel peace and comfort,
Laure
If you click to make the posting out of email it will go to a direct internet view and the comments are at the bottom. You have to click on the link that says leave a comment. Good luck!
Dear Natalia,
Your sweet message resonates as always. Your positive and uplifting perspective always enlightens my day. Thank you for that!
Embarrassing moments at the market happen to all of us, apparently! I was in Target one time buying some Christmas gifts and my credit/debit card was declines. The machine kept beeping and refusing my card. The clerk kept staring at me impatiently and then said “Do you have another card or some cash?” Well, it turned out I only carried that card because I was trying to be good and not run up my credit cards and I had no cash. I was panicked because it was my bank card. I knew we had money in the bank. I left in an air of embarrassment. All the gifts I had planned to buy had to stay there. I went home and phoned my bank. It turned out that someone had skimmed my debit card and made a new one and used it in Arlington, Texas at a Walmart. They bought a $500 TV! The bank caught it right away and had to issue me a new card. I wasn’t on the hook for the TV and I had to call the Sheriff Dept and file a fraud complaint. It was a mess, but I learned to carry a back up credit card just in case (I always did this before, but like I said, I was trying not to use credit!). We all have days where we have to be patient. Thank you for your gentle reminder today!
As Patricia Sands said….had me laughing (but, as with other people who have commented here…we can identify with this situation). And, as Patricia said…don’t leave us guessing with your teaser!
But I also wanted to ask if you had any contact information for Liz Konold, the author of “The Bitterest Wine”. I will buy the book, but I also would really like to talk to her about the research she has done, as I am very interested in knowing more about Provencal history during WWII.
Enjoyed your recent “cheesey” story on protocol. lol—–My experience involves the question of whether or not to eat the outside part of a serving of cheese. Never knew whether or not to eat the top part of any cheese. However, I stayed with a French family in Vichy in the mid-eighties and was set straight with a simple rule. All parts of soft cheese may be eaten and the rind of hard cheese is not eaten. C’est simple comme ca!
Oh, how many times have I tried to figure out just how many people with only two or three (or four or five or six or….)items I really should let go ahead.
Well, I play it by ear each time.
But when the lady with HER stuff sidles in front of me, NO WAY.
I take that back. Few do this and when it’s an old lady, I say, aller, avec plaisir.
I might be an old lady one day.
But I won’t sidle….
So well written! Easy to share your thoughts and feelings vicariously, Ecrivane. Encore merci!
Cleaning my inbox and came across something about Christmas trees (2014 blog post).
Novembre 2016—I have been using “arbre de Noel” and have been corrected so many times that I am now saying “sapin de Noel”. I live in Vaucluse.
Thank you for your lovely thoughts and beautiful pictures. Bonne chance ,encore! Joan
Kristi~ I wrote a long, heartfelt message on your Facebook page and then somehow I hit the happy face button and erased my whole message. Anyway, for now(since it’s getting late here in Utah, I’ll just say ~ blessings to you and your family during this time of transition. I would also recommend an audio book I’ve been listening to recently. It is The Book of Joy by the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu.If it’s available, I’d recommend that you listen to their voices on the audio book. Also, the book is very inspiring and I gave it to several family members and friends for Christmas. Joyeaux Noel! Valerie Joy North